It’s been another week on the run, I’m almost back on course, and I’m horny.

Really horny.

Really really horny.

How horny am I? I’m beginning to think seriously about toys.

Ci and Lia either didn’t have any or didn’t want to use them on me, and for that I’m thankful. I squirmed every time they tried to put something in my pussy, and after only one night they stopped trying.

That felt like going too far. I’m new to having a vagina, and someone else putting something inside it feels like… personal. I wanted to, god knows I would have given them anything. But it hurt. Inside, and deeper inside.

I use my own fingers, of course. I start with one and finish with two. Three hurts a little too much. It makes me feel full and…

Womanly.

I’m still not quite ready for that.

But I creep Marcus’s social media page every once in awhile, and feel his sticky dick in the back of my throat. And before I even think about it, I fantasize about having it buried in my cunny.

It’s late, I’ve been online too long, and I’m looking speculatively at mods for toys, and playing with my nipples; trying not to get too hot.

I’m not sure when I make the decision but at some point it becomes more than speculative, and I’m actively trying to decide what I want to print.

How adventurous am I?

The sites always start out with the innocuous stuff at the top of the page. The ones that could be “back massagers.” They don’t look sexy, and my vagina says no.* I’m more adventurous than that.*

I scroll down to the ones that look vaguely phallus shaped, and that makes my eyes dilate. And then the site gets to the more extreme stuff. Vibration, internal beads, clit stimulators. I’ve learned that with this new organ I don’t know what I’ll like until I try it. It seems like a waste to start out on level 10 if I hate level 1.

My breathing gets pretty heavy as I pull up the full page for a realistically veiny model. It makes me think back to the feel of a head in my mouth. I wonder if I can feel the shape of the head inside of me, or if that’s only for when it’s hitting my entrance.

For a moment I remember being a man, and feeling my glans slide past the walls of a vagina with a tiny inaudible popping feeling. Thinking about one sliding into me makes the skin around my nipples tighten so they feel like little rocks.

Nipple break. I grab my whole areola and yank on it in desperation.

How big do I want it? How big am I? I opt for average, go to hit print, then give myself 5% on length. And girth.

No. 8%.

I’m just about panting now, but I won’t touch my pussy, trying to prolong the whole thing.

While it prints I try to cool down by watching some porn that doesn’t interest me. Then I watch porn that does interest me, and the whole problem starts over.

So I go back to the pages and look at vibrators. That’s where they get really inovative with shapes. I have no idea what I’m doing. These all look arcane without any frame of reference. I eventually decide on something that looks like a guy would think a girl would like it. It’s a golf ball with rabbit ears, and has twenty different settings. Twenty setting seems like a good thing, right?

And then my first dildo is done cooling.

I pick it up in my hand and stare at it for a long time. It has a gummy texture that doesn’t fool my hand, and probably won’t fool my quim. What’s the problem? Your quim won’t know the difference.

I don’t have a ritual to go through, but I want the first time to be… something. Special, I guess. So I turn the lights low and put on soothing music. And then change that to the sound of a woman moaning, which I found in the depths of a play list.

Way to get into the mood. The sounds perk my interest just as much as when I was a man, no matter that I make them myself now.

I sit on the bed and lay a leg out to the side, while the other one drapes onto the floor, and start exploring.

I run it around my lips, exploring. The plastic drags a bit at first, but my juices quickly slick it up. It’s colder than my fingertips, I don’t know why that surprises me. But I was a little wrong, the plastic has some give that totally fools my clitoris as I bush past it. With a little imagination it could be skin. It makes me shudder, and I put hand to a tit as I run the tip of the phallus over my inner lips.

God it’s big. It pulls them apart like my fingers can’t, and that feels better than I would have believed. I’m slick as a gangster down there, and I feel the arches of my feet buckle as I put a little pit of pressure on it. My opening is getting pulled apart, but there’s no tension.

Then the head pops in, and it feels as great as I thought it would. A feeling like a click running through my pelvis and into the balls of my femurs. I do that more than a couple of times, and don’t notice that I have to pull out farther and farther. And then I don’t want to pull it out any more, because it’s filling me up. That is too distracting to pull out all the way anymore.

It’s about two inches deep, moving back and forth when I realize that I’m moaning in time with the woman on the stereo. My legs are spread wide now, and my right hand is palming a nipple, while the left pushes the dildo further and further into me.

When the tip hits my cervix I feel a jolt of pain, and back of a couple of inches. Wow that hurts. Takes a second to get my groove back as my eyes water.

I’ve got a finger on the base, holding it like a paintbrush. It bends and pulls as it comes out and thats great, brushing my clit as it pulls me open. When it goes in again it straightens out and I don’t know how I remember to breathe.

I escalate the pace, then bring it up again. I’m getting faster and faster, and someone is making a high pitched whine. Probably me, but who has time to check that stuff when they’re fucking themselves?

I’m not sure when my orgasm starts. I don’t really realize it’s been happening until my legs start shuddering, and then I’m with myself long enough to realize that I’m on my third or fourth climax.

I don’t know at what point I come down either. Slowly everything gets sore, and after one final, complete, orgasm, I pull the toy out. I lay languorous in the bed, losing track of time. My muscles are aching and relaxed at the same time.

I curl up on the bed and fall asleep so hard I drool.

#

That’s it. Tomorrow I go black. No communication in or out.

I’m crossing out of Earth SOI and into Anduin space on my way to Chinochkan. It’s just a thin strip, but the Anduin have strict laws about guns among their citizens and a prison system from the 12th century. Earth has a vested interest in keeping them friends, and a rigorous extradition treaty. It’s a mess of intergalactic diplomacy that makes it hard for the little guy who just wants to break their most stringent laws.

And they have buoys in place to scan for quantum, so no Internet. Bertha has the standard collection of smuggler jammers, but if they’re scanning broad beam it’ll just make her easier to find. Sector has a couple of customs agents on the take, and we know where the weak spots are on both sides.

I’m explaining a little of this to Dr. Jordan, as we talk for the last time in two weeks. I’ll be able to see her again in a bit, but…

We’re having chobbish together, which means I’m having memories of my first time eating it.

“You’re trying new things,” she tells me. “I think that’s a good thing. I think you’d enjoy a… ” she’s skirting the edge of medical integrity, “… nother kind of encounter as well.”

I lean forward a little bit, in the way that drove Ci nuts, “What kind of ‘encounter’ do you mean?” I purr it out.

Dr. Jordan just smiles and shrugs and can’t say anything because she has chobbish in her mouth.

I scoot my hips and try to taunt her a little bit, “I’m really looking forward to finally meeting you.”

“I am as well, 11.”

We sign off. I download everything I can to the local. Mods, programs, porn, a collection of novels that would have surprised me five months ago, and… some toys that look interesting. It turns out that penetration is a very satisfying experience.

I set the lights to 25%, that’s an old practice of mine. It makes me think of smugglers on the oceans, putting the lights out on their ships out at night.

Then I settle in for a long two weeks.

#

When I first stuck a finger in my quim and got off on it, there was the most meager ass play. And there’s been some more since. Usually I just touch my other hole when I’m feeling horny and weird.

And right now I’m feeling horny and weird, and I’m trying to decide on beads or plug.

I have experience, as a man with the beads, and an adventurous prostitute, and the issue is that a secondary angle is required for ease of use.

I’ve printed both in consideration. I pick up the plug in my hand. Round head, tapered, and then tapered the other direction and then a base. It’s hard metal, and I’m told by the site it’s shaped for a woman’s asshole. The dirty anticipation of having it in me is turning me on in a strange way.

New lingerie. And I’m feeling like a slut, so it’s slutty lingerie. It’s the first time I’ve really thought of myself like that since I’ve been 11, but if the shoe fits—”

—wear it.

So I’m in a bra that barely covers my nipples, heels, and a g-string, looking at myself in the mirror. 11’s body is still unfamiliar enough to keep turning me on. The thong in my crack is a whole new sensation, and one I could get used to. While I glance over my shoulder at the little strip of fabric, and turn a little bit for some side boob; I want to just cram that ass full.

I sit on my knees, toes on the floor, heel spikes in the air, and breathe softly as I put some lubricant on the plug. It’s high tech and doesn’t goo up my hands. It’s only slippery against a mucus membrane, otherwise it just absorbs into your skin. It warms a little past room temperature, but the first touch of the tip on my little button still feels cold.

Or maybe it’s just shocking, because as I feel it run over my hole my shoulders give little shivers. We all learned in sex-ed that the clitoris is a complicated system of nerves, external and internal. And internal it makes up the g-spot and then wraps around the vagina and anus.

But this feels nothing like touching my clit. The psychology is getting intense, and I can’t wait to get it all the way inside, but I know I have to go slow.

I give a little push and feel the tip slide past. I clench involuntarily, and it pops out again. More pressure and I feel something totally foreign. It’s like a hole has dropped open beneath my belly and a part of me might fall out. At the same time a fist is hitting me in the stomach. It’s nothing like my cunny, nothing is supposed to be going in there and my body knows it. That sends a little thrill through me, and while my asshole spasms in confusion I pop a little more in and move it in and out. It’s like there’s a membrane in there that shouldn’t be touched, and every time I touch it, it cries out for more.

I’m feeling a sharp pain and a dull throb of pleasure at the same time.

Lube or not, I feel the friction, and my wrists weaken a little bit with the feeling. I let out a sound that might be a growl of pleasure and keep plunging for awhile, getting deeper. Then a big push that carries me over a little peak of pleasure and my asshole closes over the taper and wraps around the base.

There’s a little satisfaction when I tuck the thong back into my but, and feel the band snap tight against the base of the plug.

I feel a distracting tickle from the end of it, and this feeling quickly goes away when I put a delicate little finger on the hood of my clit and give it an experimental roll. The combination of front and back feels incredible and I very quickly drive myself over the edge. It’s a jerky, intense, dirty, orgasm; and I want more.

#

I have a fantasy man.

He’s not Marcus. Taller, broader shoulders, nice calves, intense blue eyes. Better hung.

He’s standing in front of me, and making eye contact, hands on his hips, while I play with something in my butt hole and rub me pussy for him.

Time for toy number two.

It feels weird that something like this exists, but it’s a dildo specifically for sucking. I think someone out there understands me, or understands women, or whatever.

I pretend it’s my dream man, and practice on his shaft, licking the bottom, and tucking it under my teeth, and grinding my fingers back and forth on the plug. Sometimes I tug it out past the bulge and slip it back in again. Sometimes I pull just to feel the tension, and before it pops out I slam it in hard. I cum again, this time without touching my pussy. All from my ass.

The psychology of Fantasy Man’s dick in my throat isn’t hurting anything.

The plug is stimulating in and of itself, but I’m on the edge of a huge climax, and I know it won’t be enough on it’s own. I scoot around on my knees and plant my cheeks around the bunk post. Head on the ground, I’m holding the dong with one hand, have three fingers rolling my clit, and I start twerking back against the post. Slowly at first, quicker as I start to rise, and then I’m beating the plug into my asshole, desperately sucking the fake cock.

From a philosophical standpoint, I think every orgasm, aside from the distinguishable few that stick in your memory, is the best one you’ve ever had. I know this one will stick in my memory. I feel so dirty and so slutty, and until I can do all this for real, it’ll be one of the strongest climaxes I’ve ever had.

When it hits I cry out, dildo in my throat, and go to town on the thing. The orgasm lasts until I almost can’t stand it anymore, and has the slowest die down I’ve ever experienced.

Just as I’m starting to hit the end of the climax, I hit the button on the dildo, and feel it blast into the back of my throat. I let out a deep sigh. Regret that it isn’t real cum dribbling down my lips, as I swallow.

#

What follows is nearly a week of debaucherous self pleasure until my libido settles down a bit. Then I only engage when I’m bored.