Can someone please help review my story in depth

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I really want to know if it is any good. What do you think of the plot? Is it believable, can you suspend any disbelief on it? What about the characters so far? Is their actions believable?
Or is it all very very stupid

Since you asked

First of all you don't have a story - you have the beginning of a story. At this point we have only a few answers to the basic who, what, where, when and why. which makes it hard to form a real opinion. It appears that this story is going into a dark area, like a Cinderella in reverse kind of story. You've established the stepmother's ability to emotionally blackmail the protagonist and we know it's going to involve a potential sex change. Beyond that is all conjecture. The stepmother and he are the same age so the New Daughter title is misleading at best. Whose daughter? There is a hint about him being a look-a-like to some royal female which leads to the suspicion that we have an Anastasia story here with a TG twist but maybe I'm reading too much into too little. That's the danger of trying to build suspense - you need to give out just enough info to make the reader want to know more. You've done that up to a point but it's so vague that you may lose a lot of readers especially if they have to wait for the next part. It's hard to maintain suspense when it's spread over too much time. You need to give us more to make a better judgement.

Commentator
Visit my Caption Blog: Dawn's Girly Site

Visit my Amazon Page: D R Jehs

You are right, it isnt a story

There isnt much at all. I was wondering what I did have was any good and if it was worth writing more on it?

And what I really want to know is, is it really believable that the step mother could make Kevin actually go though changing for her? If I wrote that, would anyone really believe it?

There's not enough backstory to know

How did she get Kevin to sign off all interest in the money. If he's over 21 why couldn't he have been the guardian for his siblings? These questions actually need an answer for us to understand what kind of hold she has on him. He gives in way too easily given what information we have. And is the stepmother really being a good mom to his siblings? If so why as it doesn't jibe with Kevin's description of her or her actions towards him. You have to read your own writing as if someone else wrote it and ask yourself the questions a reader might ask. It's difficult but if you don't do it your readers certainly will - or just stop reading.

Commentator
Visit my Caption Blog: Dawn's Girly Site

Visit my Amazon Page: D R Jehs

You Asked

You seem to be writing for your own enjoyment. Don't worry so much. Have fun with it. You do a lot of things right.

Do you have favorite authors? Read everything you can that they've written and try to figure out why you like it.

Read "On Writing" by Stephen King. Then read a couple of Noah Lukeman's how to books. Then read "The 38 Most Common Fiction Writing Mistakes" by Jack Bickham.

Then write . . . a lot. Just tell the story.

TG readers are extremely willing to suspend their disbelief. But . . . like other readers they want plausible plots, interesting characters, and meaningful settings.

Good luck.

Jill

Angela Rasch (Jill M I)

What you have posted so far

Is written well, some mistakes are there but then who doesn't make some.

Plot wise, not enough of the story to give a true comment on that. Is it believable so far? I have truly seen stranger things in my almost 60 years on this planet.

My suggestion is continue writing your story and posting it here. Read and listen to the other authors and readers that post comments and send you PMs.

We the willing, led by the unsure. Have been doing so much with so little for so long,
We are now qualified to do anything with nothing.