Or actually, I perused several stories on Amazon as I was looking for something new which might peak my interest. In the course of doing this, I came across multiple stories about cuckolding and forced feminization, both of which hold little interest for me.

But they did make me think about my own life and relationships as the evening wore on - mostly about my relationship with my spouse.

The basis of the stories in question, if I am following the idea correctly, is that there are couples in this world who actually take pleasure in what is euphemistically referred to as a female-led-relationship. These relationships apparently start out with the wife cuckolding her husband, and progress into her using forced chastity on him, and eventually feminizing him fully. To the point that the wife then has sex with other men while the husband watches, and supposedly even assists the other men in having sex with the wife.

I simply cannot understand that type of a relationship.

I came to the realization when I was in college that I am pansexual. I can and do find both men and women attractive, but to be truly attracted to someone is much more dependent on who that person is - not their gender. The simple fact is that in my somewhat active life I have only found one person that I truly feel that kind of attraction to. Luckily, she married me. Even more luckily, we have somehow managed to stay together even through my transition. It has not been an easy road - in fact, it is filled with potholes and obstacles. But we are still trying to find our way down that rocky road together.

My wife tells me she can't imagine living without me - but she also cannot see herself as a lesbian. For me, this is a non-issue. I don't see myself as anything other than in love with her, and gender or physical sexual traits take a backseat. I am simply me, and very much in love with her; part of that love is a physical attraction and a desire to please her. I think she understands how I feel - but she is stuck on the point that she is heterosexual and I am no longer male.

I have repeatedly told her that I truly think she would be happier if I were not with her, but she denies it. I honestly know that she loves me, but I also know that she simply can't think of me as anything other than a woman and her best friend. I am flattered that she sees me as a woman, but it is understandably causing issues in our relationship as she doesn't want any public displays of affection between us. She even told me today that I have to stop talking to her as a spouse in public. Her over-reaction to her fear of being seen as a lesbian means that she can't even show me the same affection she would show her sister or another female friend.

I think I have a much better understanding of what gay couples suffered through for years with having to hide their feelings behind closed doors.

She is, and always has been, my best friend and confidant. There is very little I wouldn't do to ensure her happiness. Hell, I can truthfully say that I would kill to protect her happiness - and that is not an empty euphemism. But I don't know if I could be just a friend to her.

I would do anything to see her happy, including walking away from my life and family if that's what it takes. I would live a lonely, miserable life if it contributed to her happiness. But I simply couldn't watch her with someone else - not as her spouse, and not even as her friend. If she needs someone else in her life to be happy, then so be it - but without me. As the song by Lobo says, "I love you too much to ever start liking you, so don't expect me to be your friend."

I cannot fathom how any person can sit back and watch the person they love having sex with someone else, let alone helping it to happen. Me, I'm the kind of person who would chew off a leg to get free and kill anyone who tried to rape my wife. Willingly watching it is simply inconceivable to me.

As is taking any enjoyment out of reading about it. I'd sooner eat the end of my .45.

D