By the time I got to Olive garden, Tina and her friends were working on dessert and Tina was nursing an espresso. I raised an eyebrow at Tina the part time barista. She read my mind.

“Just checking out the competition” she smiled raising her demitasse cup to me.

I nodded back with a smile.

“So Chloe... where you been keeping yourself girl?” Tina's friend Lauren asked.

“Oh, I was just exploring Greenville....” I smiled.

“Ooooh. City mouse!” Suzie chuckled.

“Oooh. You've got to go to Beau's...” Becca added “...they have line dancing on weekends...”

I smiled politely.

Suzie nodded. “....Great line dancing....”

“...GREAT line dancers...” Lauren leered.

Suzie went beet red, but nodded shyly.

I caught Tina's tiny eye roll and smiled.

“Beau's. Got it. Thanks guys.” I smiled.

“Oh, don't thank us now....” Becca grinned

“....Thank us LATER” Lauren finished her sentence with a lewd smirk.

Tina's grin said it all. These were the friends she grew up with. No wonder she felt lonesome in the dorms.

Lauren placed both hands palms down on the table and swept her gaze across us like an expectant coach. “Alright. Are we through here?”

Everyone nodded resolutely. The mood seemed quite serious. I couldn't shake the feeling that everyone was about to line up and hurl themselves from a plane like paratroopers in some old black and white war movie.

“Chloe. Are you with us?” Lauren asked, a serious expression carved upon her face. I felt the rest of the group regarding me intensely.

“That depends....” I said equally seriously, although inside my only emotion was mild confusion. “I can't shake the feeling that you're all about to rob a bank or kidnap a politician or something.” I said with a slight smile and a cocked head.

That had its hoped for effect. The mood instantly lightened.

“No silly!” Suzie giggled. “We're going shopping!”

Tina gave me a playful elbow to the ribs and leaned in to quietly mutter in my ear “But by the time we're through, you may wish we all had robbed a bank.”

The grin on her face was so relaxed and so filled with youthful glee, I understood why she had to return to reconnect with her lifelong friends.

I smiled and shrugged to the group. “Where do we start?”

I now understood the strategic importance of the gathering at Olive Garden. Tina said it herself and I hadn't picked up on it. 'Across from the MALL... Duh.'

I suddenly recognized the brilliance of everyone who placed their chain restaurant across from, or within, a mall.

We took two cars. Tina's friends piled into Lauren's Acura while Tina joined me in my Hyundai and we drove the 1500 feet or so across the state highway to the mall.

It wasn't a prestigious mall. There wasn't a Nordstrom or Nieman Marcus, or even an Apple store. But there was a J C Penney and a Kohls at opposite corners and and a dark shadow at the third. Tina caught my glance and mouthed 'Sears'. I frowned and nodded, turning my attention to the well lit sections of the mall.

While I was scoping out the mall, Lauren, it seems was scoping out ME. I caught her clinical gaze and wondered for a moment if she hadn't suddenly become possessed by the spirit of Tim Gunn. She made little tsk clicks with her tongue as her eyes scanned me up one side and down the other.

“I can work with this.” She finally muttered to Tina, who shot me a conspiratorial smirk. “But it will take an army.” And she flashed me a sly grin.

Becca and Suzie immediately flanked her and saluted. “Here sir!” They beamed in unison.

From the evil grin on Tina's face I realized I had just been conscripted into a ritual that went back a long time for these four childhood friends.

“Where did you get those shoes?” Lauren demanded, her voice dripping with disapproval. “They're so.... sensible...”

I never knew 'sensible' could be a curse word until that moment. I opened my mouth to explain that I spent the day walking around Greenville, but suddenly her face changed and she looked genuinely contrite.

“Oh, God. I'm sorry. …..are they...” her voice fell to a stage whisper as she slid her hand to her mouth as if trying to block distant lip readers “...orthopedic?”

I flushed crimson and saw Tina's evil smirk. These were her friends. And in a twisted catty way, I had just been baptised into the group.

I opened my mouth again to explain, trying to push down my blush. “I just....”

“...came from church? ...had your shoes robbed and had to roll a hobo?....” Lauren inquired with breezy contempt.

I glared at her and she broke into a grin. Apparently satisfied that her needling finally got its desired reaction. She waved her hand airily.

“Nothing we can't fix.” she said as she spun and quickly strode off into the heart of the mall, her minions scrambling to catch up with her.

Tina looked over her shoulder as I still stood in mild shock, giving me a 'hurry up, catch up' gesture as she grinned wickedly.

I rolled my eyes and quickly caught up to the group, thanks in no small part to my despised 'sensible shoes'.

Lauren and her flock breezed into the designer shoe outlet as Tina waited for me by the door.

“Hi Darren!” Lauren said loudly to a clerk who was waiting on another customer. The young man smiled and waved while the middle aged woman he was with scowled at the interruption.

He quickly wrapped up and sent the woman on her way, much to her obvious displeasure and scurried over to our group.

“How may I be of service today m'lady?” he asked with a smile and a gleam.

Lauren pouted. “We're having a fashion intervention. We need your expertise.”

Darren looked at Tina's feet and pursed his lips, bringing his curled fingers to his lower lip, lost in thought. “I don't know....” he muttered skeptically.

Lauren slapped his arm. “Not HER.....” she snapped. She grabbed me by the elbow and yanked me in front of the young man. “THIS one!”

“Heyyy!” I began to protest, but Darren made a 'tssst!!!' sound and put his finger to his lips. His brow furrowed as he regarded my entire outfit, stopping at my feet. Finally he lifted his eyes to mine.

“Did you come here straight from Lillith Fair or did you escape from the convent?” he deadpanned. Lauren snorted. Becky and Suzie giggled and Tina just shot me a contrite smirk.

My embarrassment was quickly fermenting into resentment. I stiffened my spine and squared my shoulders, glaring at this snarky young man.

“Never knock comfort.” I protested.

“Oh. You want comfort?” he snarked. “Crocs and Cargoshorts Outlet is at the other end of the mall, next to Sears... no, wait... there's nothing in that wing anymore but darkness and despair.” He folded his arms and gazed at me with disapproval.

“I was having a good time wandering around Greenville when I got a call to meet up with this bunch.” I shot an annoyed thumb at the four friends. “I have NO idea what they have planned, but I'm pretty sure I want no part of it.”

Darren backed away as if he suddenly realized I wasn't part of this bitchy tradition he obviously shared with the others.

Tina quickly rushed in to calm things down while Lauren just folded her arms and shot me a look of irritation that I wasn't following the script.

“OK. OK. OK. Let's just all calm down here!” Tina said excitedly. She stopped, regrouped and took a deep breath. Then she put her hands on my shoulders and looked me in the eyes. “I just said come join me and my friends at Olive Garden.” She was looking at me, but I was sure she was addressing the group.

I nodded.

“I didn't say anything about our other plans because I wanted it to be a surprise.” She cracked a sheepish smile.

“Success.” I quipped. I tried to look annoyed but my amusement may have shown underneath.

“So..... we were thinking about.... of maybe.....”

“We're going clubbing.” Lauren declared, stepping between Tina and me.

“And THIS.... will not do at ALL!” She waved her arm from my calves to collarbone.

“You could have told me!” I protested. “I could have....” I faltered

Tina cut me off. “Oh sweetie. You didn't pack anything appropriate. You'd just stress yourself out trying to make something work. This ambush is better. Trust me.”

I snorted. “That's worked out great so far.” I muttered, grinning.

Tina rolled her eyes. “Yeah, yeah. Whatever. So now you know the plan. Just trust the experts.” she gave me a parental look. Over her shoulder I saw Lauren puff up a bit while her other friends beamed.

I sighed. I thought protesting about not having a fashion budget would get me out of it, but Tina was ready for that.

“It's on Daddy.” She grinned. At my raised eyebrow, she explained. “Well, actually he told me to treat myself. ….and since we're the same size, and friends share....”

I cocked my head querulously.

“So we're shopping for ME. But you're my.... 'Style Test Pilot.' So shut up and strap in!” she grinned.

I rolled my eyes at her convoluted logic. But still, I couldn't suppress my smile. I was getting a style makeover at the hands of her very assertive friends, and it was all being paid for by her father, the grand inquisitor. I just relaxed and held my arms, palms up, slightly spread in an 'as you wish' gesture. At which point Becca and Suzie squealed with glee and Darren and Lauren got down to business.

We tried on a number of shoes. I thought this 'surprise' was about me, but quickly realized no one was going to let me hog all the fun. Tina and I collaborated and chose a number of styles in size 8 that we could both agree on. Darren had to point out that we weren't exactly the same size, since my feet were slightly longer and hers just a little wider, but we agreed that I'd put up with slightly crushed toes if she would tolerate the pinched instep. When Darren slipped on the open toe stiletto sandals with gladiator wrap ribbon Lauren declared our quest was over and everyone instantly agreed. Even if I hated them, I was out-voted. In truth, I loved them, and the open toes got around my long, skinny foot issue. Lauren glanced down and smiled patronizingly.

“Don't worry about those ugly toes. By the time we're through, your feet will be as stunning as your shoes.”

I wasn't sure whether to be reassured or insulted. So I scowled and shrugged it off. And we turned to finding stunning shoes for Tina.

I was amused that every time she considered a style, she would turn to me and ask “What do you think? Would ask to you borrow these?”

At first I wasn't sure what the right answer was. Did she want shoes that I wouldn't pester her to borrow? Or was my desire to borrow them some sort of approval of the style? While I was quite comfortable in the world as Chloe, my time spent in intimate circumstances with a group of lifelong females was, I realized, shockingly limited. I was navigating blind in uncharted waters. I just decided to trust my instincts, hoping that if I really messed up, I could remind Tina when we were alone, how new I was to these types of social situations, and heal any bruised feelings.

It turned out I had little to worry about. Trusting my instincts served me well. Tina did in fact want me to be envious of her choices and eager to borrow her acquisitions. When I hesitantly chose 'want to borrow', she smiled coyly, said 'maybe', and bought the shoes.
We tore through the mall like an invading army, pillaging spoils everywhere we went. I did indeed get a pedicure and polish that was a complementary contrast to my pewter sandals. Against my protests 'Tina's dad' bought a black halter dress in a metallic thread type fabric with a hem far too short for my comfort level. Lauren insisted that with the high hem and gladiator sandals I looked positively fierce. I countered that I looked like a hooker from the future.

“Not yet.” Lauren grinned, but by the time the woman at the Mac store had finished the makeover, after being briefed by Lauren, no one could deny I looked like a hooker from the future. And judging from the looks I was getting from people in the mall, I felt like one too.

I took solace that I was not the only one getting stares. Lauren and her friends were already dressed to kill, and Tina's transformation was completed as well, only she looked like a rich party girl whose private plane was forced to land in this conservative, salt of the earth burgh. She had a burgundy satin bandeau dress that was every bit as short as mine, yet somehow looked infinitely more elegant and infinitely less 'hooker-ish'.

When I pulled her aside and shared this observation, she just laughed and shrugged it off.

“Oh, please! I'm rocking this look because I can pull off the up-do. But you...once we got your hair blown out, we all knew this was the look for you. And you're drop dead stunning!”

“Well, you certainly are.” I semi-whined.

“We both are!” Tina laughed, hooking her arm in mine and walking back to her gaggle of friends.

Lauren looked us all over, from Tina to me to Suzie to Becca. She gave a curt nod and spun toward the exit. “Get a move on ladies!” she pronounced, her back already to us.

Suzie grinned at the three of us. “Oh there are going to be many broken hearts tonight!”

“And many, many blue balls.” Becca leered.

Tina snorted a laugh. I just felt myself go crimson and had to command my legs to move.

We drove into Greenville and ended up at a bar in what Becca called 'the suit district'.

On my raised eyebrow she explained it was where all the bankers and lawyers worked.

“And other suit people....like you know.... advertising... import export...”

“Isn't that just code for 'drug kingpin' or 'spy'?” I teased.

Suzie shook her head. “Oh, no. It's a real thing. ….like what Chrissy's dad does.”

I shot Tina a contrite smile. She just squirmed and returned my smile. The other girls were oblivious.

“Let's get drinks.” Lauren said and made a beeline for the bar.

Once we arrived, she waved off the bartender. She led us all to three open seats and directed Becca and Suzie to stand with us. The bar hadn't yet been cleared and she grabbed an empty glass and held it. Tina laughed and shot me a glance. Almost instantly the bartender approached her, a knowing smile on his lips.

“What will you ladies be having tonight?” He cocked his head in the direction of a table of guys in expensive looking suits. “Complements of table twelve.” He smiled.

“Strawberry Skyy and redbull” Lauren replied instantly. Tina shot me a 'this is what she does' grin. “Just a cosmo for me” she smiled to the bartender, he nodded and looked at the rest of us. “Me too.” Suzie said. Then, a beat later “ a cosmo I mean.” and she gave the bartender a daffy grin. “I'll have a glass of your house chardonnay” Becca said and the bartender turned to me. “Club soda with a twist.” I smiled to disapproving looks from the others.

Lauren was looking the most annoyed, so I addressed her.

“I'm feeling dangerous enough in this dress. I'm not adding alcohol.” I tried a reassuring smile.

“God, Chrissie said you never have any fun. Now I know why.” she said dismissively. “But if you think you're designated driver forget it. No one drives my Lexus but me.”

“I can cab home.” I smiled.

“If you cab home after all we did getting you looking this hot, there is no God!” Becca laughed.

I think only Tina caught my panic response before I tamped it down, quickly replaced by a polite smile.