Chapter 15

Amanda tried to keep from laughing as she watched her mother try to teach Nicole and Amber lessons about poise and grace for the pageant.

She had to admit she wasn't the pageant type, but Nicole and Amber seemed to enjoy their preparation.

The sight of both of them walking around the house with books on their heads was a bit funny. It was also a bit priceless. She reached for her camera and snapped photos.

"One of these days they'll kill me," she thought, because they were photos she was going to put in the album. She was also going to email them to friends to show how cute her children were.

"You girls have very good posture," Amanda's mother said.

"Looks like the ballet classes are paying off," Amanda said.

Her mother taught the girls how to sit in dresses, even though Amanda pointed out they weren't going to be sitting during the competition.

"They need to learn manners," her mother said. She extended the lessons to table manners, how to eat with utensils, how to fold napkins and how to hold cups.

"They don't teach this like they used to," she told Amanda. "I want my grandgirls to know what its like to be lady-like. That seemed to be lost with you."

"Oh, mom, really?" Amanda said, liking the thought of teasing her mother.

She watched as her mother grilled them with questions, testing their knowledge.

"What is the capitol of Florida?" she asked Nicole.

"Tallahassee," Nicole replied. "That was too easy."

She asked Amber to point out Egypt on the globe she had.

Amber pointed it out correctly.

"You wouldn't believe how children don't know geography these days?" Amanda's mother told her daughter.

"You don't say?" Amanda replied. She did her best to go along.

"Nicole, who are the Democratic candidates for president?" her mother asked.

"Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton," Nicole said, winking to her mother.

"They are going to be asked current affairs questions," Amanda's mother said.

Amanda was actually impressed.

"Well, I do pay attention in social studies," Nicole said.

"Who was the president during the Civil War?" Amanda's mother asked Amber.

"Umm––Abraham Lincoln?" Amber asked.

"Good job!" Amanda said, impressed with how smart her girls were.

"Can we show them now?" Amber whispered to Nicole.

"I guess, if grandma's through asking us questions," Nicole said.

"Show us what?" Amanda asked.

"It's a surprise," Nicole said.

The two ran upstairs to their rooms. They wanted to show their mother and grandmother their talent routines.

Amanda knew they were going to do a dance they learned in ballet. She paid for tutus for both of them.

Nicole pulled up the tights and pulled on her tutu. She made sure her hair was perfect. Amber was doing the same thing in her room.

"Ready to go back down stairs?" Nicole asked Amber as she peaked into her room.

"Uh, huh," she said.

They slowly walked down stairs, making their grand entrance back into the living room where their grandmother, mother and Kayla were waiting.

"You both look very lovely!" their grandmother said.

"Thank you grandma," Nicole said as she put a CD into the CD player and moved the coffee table to give her and Amber some room.

Amanda recthink you'll both do fine in the pageant," Amanda said.

*****

Dornan recogognized the song that was playing. It was a song from the "Waltz of the Flowers" from the Nutcracker.

The two girls danced in unison with the music. Amanda was impressed with how beautiful they danced.

She and her mother clapped when Nicole and Amber finished up with curtsies.

"That was lovely," Amanda said. "Where did you two learn that."

"Madame Ruth has been working with us and Meredith after class," Nicole said. "It's going to help us with the Nutcracker, too. She gave me the CD. Amber, Kayla and I have been working on it in the garage."

"I've got to admit, you three are pretty sneaky," their grandmother said.

"I at her desk, listening to Nicole describe how her life had been after the court battle between her mother and her aunt and uncle.

"So you've had no more bad dreams?" She asked.

"Well, sometimes," she said. "It's awful. I'm growing hair all over my body. I grow a beard. My body looks like a man. It's awful."

"I see," Andrea said. "You fear the body changes you would go through?"

"Yes, I'm not a boy," Nicole said. "I don't want to become a man."

Andrea perfectly understood the dreams. They were Nicole's real fear. Her body was about to go through puberty. It treatment weren't prescribed, than those dreams could in fact come true.

"Let me assure you, Nikki, there are things we can do to make sure you grow up to be the woman you want to be," Andrea said. "That is what you want?"

"Of course!" Nicole snapped.

"Nikki, you must understand why I asked that question," Andrea continued. "Once you reach a certain point in treatment, there are some things that aren't reversible."

"You mean after I get rid of this ugly thing between my legs and it becomes a vagina?" Nicole said.

"Yes Nikki, that's exactly what I mean," Andrea said.

"I don't ever want to go back to being a boy!" Nicole said in a matter of fact way. "I never was a boy. I feel like I'm in prison because of this thing."

There were times, Andrea thought, that Nicole seemed much older than her years.

She could see a change in Nicole. She was no longer talking with a child that seemed reserved and depressed.

Being allowed to live as a girl made Nicole much more confident. She seemed to be happier.

"This is enough for the day," Andrea told Nicole. "Ask your mom to come in here and wait for us in the waiting room."

"Okay," Nicole said. "She's all yours," she said to Amanda.

"She is an amazing girl," Andrea told Amanda. "She seems much more mature than her age."

"I've picked up that, too," Amanda said.

"She seems much more sure of herself," Andrea said. "She seems more comfortable with herself now that she is living as Nicole fulltime."

Those were words that were comforting for Amanda to hear.

"That's good, right?" she asked her friend.

"Yes it is, but there are some things you need to be aware of," Andrea said. "Has she told you about her dreams?"

"She has some," Amanda said.

"She's concerned about the changes her body will go through," Andrea said. "That's a normal thing for any preteen to go through, especially one who is transgendered."

"What should we do about it?" Amanda asked.

"Well, I think it is about time we start moving toward the next steps," Andrea said.

She gave Amanda a card with a pediatrician's name on it.

"Melanie Phillips is a very good pediatrician," she told Amanda. "She's worked with transgendered children. I think its time we start Nicole on hormone blockers."

"Wow!" Amanda said. "I knew we were going to reach this point eventually. She's growing. And there is no turning back."

She wiped a tear from her eye as she prepared to leave.

"Mom, what's wrong?" Nicole asked as they were heading to the car.

"Oh nothing, sweetpea," Amanda said. "Moms just get emotional when their babies start growing up."

"I'm not a baby, mom!" Nicole said.

"Oh yes you are!" she said as she squeezed Nicole's hand. "When I'm 100 and you're 84 and we're both in a nursing home, you'll still be my baby. So will Amber and Kayla."

*****

"Come on Sam, show us how you look!" Sara shouted as she and Nicole stood waiting outside of the changing room at the costume shop.

"He's really shy, you know!" she said to Nicole.

Slowly Sam emerged, dressed in an Arabian costume.

"You look very nice, Alladin," Nicole said. "Where is your lamp?"

"You look very cool, cuz," Sara said. "I really think this is going to be a very good idea."

Sara and Nicole came up with a Disney theme for their costumes for the Hallowe’en dance at school.

Sam and Nicole were going to be Alladin and Princess Jazmine. Sara was going to be Belle. Mark was going to be the Beast.

"Come on Mark, we're waiting," Nicole said. "If Sam showed us, you've got to show us how you look."

He came out.

"That is so cool, dude," Sam said.

Sara and Nicole were equally impressed.

"You're going to ruin your reputation," Sara said.

"You mean that of a computer geek?" Mark asked.

"Yup, you're going to look way to hip for that image," Nicole said.

"Well girls, now it is your turn," Sam said.

"Let's go show them what it is really like to be glamorous," Sara said.

"We're not going to start singing that Fergie song are we?" Nicole asked.

"Now that would be really cute," Sam laughed.

Sara and Nicole grabbed their costumes and went into the changing room.

"You're really going to drive Sam wild," Sara said.

They walked out arm-in-arm.

"What do you think?" Nicole said.

It took Sam a couple of seconds to say anything.

"I think he's stunned," Sara said.

"You guys, I mean..." Sam stammered for words to say.

"You look lovely," a voice said from the other side of the room. It was Amanda. She was the one who took the kids in search of the perfect lovely.

"But Nikki, I'm not sure I want people to see your midriff," Amanda said.

"Well, mom, Sara and I were thinking about getting our belly buttons pierced," Nicole said, knowing it would irritate her.

"Don't even go there, Nicole Taylor Meggs," Amber said, winking and faking like she was mad.

"You do look beautiful, sweetpea," she said. "And Sara, you make an elegant Belle."

"What about us, Ms. Meggs"? Sam asked.

"You boys look very cool," Amanda said. "You're going to have so much fun. I wish my school had something like that when I was your age."

*****

"We need to hurry up," Meredith said as she and Nicole put on their makeup. "They are about to announce the winner in Amber's age group.

She and Nicole rushed from their makeup tables. Amber had done and incredible job. She was one of the finalists in her age group.

"And the winner is....Amber Meggs", the emcee said.

"Way to go little sis!" Nicole said as they placed a tiara on Amber's head and gave her a bouquet of roses.

"It's about time for us to go on," Meredith said. "Good luck, Nikki!"

"Good luck to you, too, Mere," Nicole said.

Their age group started with the talent portion. Some of the girls sang. One girl acted out a part. A couple of girls twirled batons. One played the piano, although she was a little off key. Another played banjo.

Meredith took her turn. Her dance was a little different. It was more complicated, but Nicole didn't seem to mind. She knew Meredith had more years of ballet training.

Then it was her turn. She had butterflies, but they seemed to disappear once the music started. She enjoyed being on stage. She was amazed by how much applause she got.

"You did really good!" Meredith whispered as Nicole came off stage.

"So did you!"

They changed into their dresses just in time for the quizzing part of
the competition.

Nicole was amazed. She felt she didn't have much of a chance after the talent portion of the contest. Other than the poor girl who played the piano, everyone was pretty good.

But the quizzing part was an eye opener.

Most of the contestants were missing very easy questions, questions that Amber wouldn't have a problem with.

Most, but not all. Nicole was amazed how Meredith answered her questions with ease. Meredith was equally impressed with Nicole.

Meredith and Nicole were both in the final five. They had one more chance to impress the judges. They had to walk around the stage with poise.

Amanda couldn't help but giggle as Nicole walked along the stage. It was if she still had that book on her head.

Finally, it came down to the announcement of the winner. One-by-one, the names were announced. Only two girls were left on the stage...Nicole and Meredith.

It wasn't a shock that Meredith was announced as the winner. It didn't upset Nicole at all. Meredith was very good. She was very happy for her.

"Thank you, so much, it means a lot," Meredith said when Nicole hugged her. "I'm proud of you, Nikki. Your first pageant and you finished first runner-up!"

She wasn't the only one proud. There were tears in Amanda's eyes, as well as her mother's.

"All of my grandgirls did so good!" she said as Amanda took pictures of Nicole, Amber and Kayla. Nicole and Kayla wore sashes, with Kayla finishing second runner-up in her division. Nicole was glad Amber was the center of attention for once.

She was glad to let her little sister have the spotlight.