Staying with his friend Frankie and her mother while his father was working away proved life changing for Lucien... and his time at school is becoming more complicated.

On Sunday they painted their nails, Frankie painted hers red but Luci went with a dark blue, mostly because he was wearing the navy blue tights! They no longer felt the need to wear exactly the same clothes and Luci loved the excitement involved in selecting items from his own chest of drawers. The nails, though, added to his most peculiar Monday.

It started well. He went straight over to the group of girls in Jayde’s corner. He was completely accepted here now. The other girls seemed to expect him to turn up and join in their conversations. He noticed this when Adam, a boy in his class came running over to retrieve the ball that had been kicked over to them by accident. Adam was a sweet boy, Luci always thought. He wasn’t one of the boys who used to give him a bad time. Yet, the girls were horrible to him when he apologetically asked for the ball back.
“This is a ‘girls’ only’ area, keep out!” one yelled.
Adam apologised to them again and backed away, glancing at Luci as he did so. This made Luci feel odd. He was ashamed of being included in any group that was horrible to one person but he also realised he was a girl, to the others at least. Then again, and his mind went back to the conversation with Frankie over the weekend, he thought again about how sweet Adam was. He gave him a half- smile.

When he turned up in class, though, he was immediately in trouble for having painted nails. He had completely forgotten that Sally had told them both to clean their nail polish before school. He couldn’t think how he had forgotten. Now, he was told off in front of everyone and told to get to the office to have the polish removed.
There were two other girls there when he turned up, each had nail polish.
“Honestly, you girls,” the secretary said. “You know the rules yet you still try it on.”
Luci was shame faced. He had never been in trouble for anything before and to be caught out for such a girl- thing as this was embarrassing to say the least. As he held out his hands for her to clean the polish off, he thought about the fact that the secretary called him a girl. She knew him! She knew he wasn’t a girl. Or not a real one! Yet she wasn’t mocking him and she wasn’t unaware of who he was. Neither had his teacher been shocked that it was a boy with painted nails, her concern was only with the school rules.

He was still troubled by this at playtime when Jayde, taking the opportunity to get him on his own, quizzed him on his life. She wanted to know about Frankie, about his Papa, about his brother and about his intentions. She was so direct, it took Luci by surprise. He answered every question without thinking about holding anything back. By the time she finished he had told her that he didn’t really miss his mama, although he had to start with, that his papa loved him but didn’t really know much about him and then he told her that the bullying had stopped pretty much from the time he had his ears pierced.
“Does your dad know you’re a girl now?” she asked, finally.
Luci hesitated. He had sort of forgotten that his papa would return. This was strange as he did really miss him and loved talking to him on the phone. He was pleased that his dad seemed to brighten when he told him that he was enjoying school much more, now.
“Has the name calling stopped?” his dad asked him. Luci never realised that his papa knew about that.
“Yes,” he replied and, he added, “I have lots of friends now!”
This had been music to George’s ears. His son was becoming a real boy, popular with others and, whatever little personality traits he had to cause the others to mock him, he was acting just like other boys. Once again George had every reason to be pleased he had left Lucien in the care of Sally.
“Does your dad know you’re a girl now?” the question rang in his ears. Fortunately, the whistle blew and they had to return to their respective classes but not before Jayde reminded him he hadn’t answered.

Monday continued to be strange. He could not concentrate in class. Not only had he been embarrassed about being in trouble over his nails but he kept going back to Jayde’s key question. Stupid though it sounded, he hadn’t faced up to the idea of being a girl. He loved dressing up, sure. He was happier than he had been for ages, sure. He was less awkward, the girl things felt more like his real self but he hadn’t done any thinking or planning about who other people thought he was. Every time he was mistaken for a girl, he saw it as somebody else’s mistake for not realising he was a boy. Until, that is, he stepped into town in shorts and tights. He thought back to his argument with Frankie. He had been so jealous when he thought she could wear tights and he couldn’t. He had loved it when he discovered Sally had bought him his own pairs. Where was the line between boy and girl?
He found it hard to focus and missed most of what his teacher Miss Grant was saying. Things became even more mixed up during the lesson before lunch because they had to work in pairs. He was used to the awkward pause when nobody wanted to work with him so today’s surprise was that Adam was immediately by his side. The shock on Luci’s face was obvious because Adam said, “Do you mind? I can go, if you like.”
Luci’s shake of the head was barely noticeable.
“I said one boy to one girl,” Miss Grant boomed across the room. Luci started to rise from his seat only to notice two boys on the other side of the room moan and slump away from each other. When they had found girls to partner with, Miss Grant surveyed the room.
“That’s better,” she announced. Luci eased himself back into his seat with his head bowed. He waited for Miss Grant to say something to him or Adam. Maybe, having humiliated him in front of the class with his nail polish, she was going to be more sensitive when she told them two boys couldn’t work together. Instead, Adam smiled back at him and seemed to think this arrangement would work well.

Luci was grateful that Adam had listened to the instructions. He was able to tell him what they had to do. They worked quietly for a while but Luci was conscious that, every so often, Adam would glance in his direction as if about to say something.
“Thanks for smiling, this morning,” he said, eventually. “Sorry about the football and all that!”
Luci wasn’t sure what to say so kept staring at the table. Having started, Adam ploughed on. “They can be quite intimidating, sometimes,” he said.
He used big words like ‘intimidating’. Luci thought about this and how sweet he was, not only because he was well spoken, which made him different from most other boys in the school, but because he was thoughtful.
“They have been nice to me,” said Luci at last. “Friendly and everything.”
“That’s because you are a girl!” Adam replied. “They are not so friendly to me! Mind you, it must be annoying to have a football flying at you, I can see that. However, they only have to be a bit understanding…” Adam chatted on, relieved somewhat that Luci had actually spoken to him. Luci heard only a fraction of what he was saying. He was stunned that Adam had actually called him a girl. Adam, who had known him for a long time and knew he was a boy; maybe he was not good at being one but he was a boy. He might be conflicted but the rest of his class had clearly made up its mind about him.

Then it struck him: they had made up their minds about him and they were not bothered! His classmates and teacher acted as if it was obvious he was now a girl. He looked down at his uniform, boy grey trousers and school sweatshirt. Nothing girly about them!

Jayde was on his case obviously. She found him at lunchtime in the library where he had retreated to think things through. He wasn’t upset but he was confused. By the end of the lesson he was enjoying being Adam’s partner. He was grateful that he did nearly all the work. Luci just couldn’t focus. More than that, Adam treated him considerately. At one stage, a boy snatched a pen out of his hand and Adam snatched it back saying “She’s using that!” The boy backed off leaving Luci redfaced at the use of the word ‘she’. It wasn’t the first time. He had accepted it before when people mistook him for a girl but here, in this place where he had been a pupil for years, it was significant.

Jayde kept on at him to join them on the playground but Luci resisted.
“You don’t have to answer my question if you don’t want to,” she said. “I’m just nosey, really. Come on, we miss you!”
Luci smiled at this.
“We do! You’re one of us.” She put her head closer to his. “One of the girls!” she whispered and looked for his reaction.
“I need to think,” Luci replied. Jayde looked around the library. She was not impressed. “What do people do in here?” she declared loudly enough to get told off.
“You could try reading a book,” Adam said lifting his head from his novel. Luci turned, surprised to see him at the next table.
Jayde dropped her voice again.
“Why not wear a skirt to school?” she asked. Luci tried to silence her, aware of everyone around them.
“Chill out, will you! Nobody can hear, except Adam and he adores you!” She emphasised the ‘adores’ part. Luci went red but said nothing.
“Go on then, why don’t you?”
“It’s all going too fast,” he said eventually. “I need to think.”
“What’s to think about?” She looked around again, bored by the place. Then she turned back.
“You look good in tights,” she said deliberately, making sure he understood that she knew.
“How do…”
“I saw you in town with your friend and her mum.”
“Oh!”
“Now don’t look glum, you looked fantastic! “ She sighed heavily. “What is your problem? Honestly, girl, you are one moody cow!” She smiled to show no offense was meant but she turned serious again almost immediately.
“What do you think is going to happen? Everyone accepts you, no one has been unkind.” She stopped abruptly. “Have they?”
“No!”
“There we are then. As far as I can see nobody is bothered about you being a girl… except you!”
Luci thought about it. “I’m not bothered, not really,” he said.
“Then why not wear a skirt tomorrow?”
“I don’t have one. Well, not a school uniform one!”
“Don’t blame you!” Jayde said. “They are skanky. Only thing worse would be wearing trousers like yours!” She looked down at his trousers and made a buffoon laugh that got her noticed.
“I came in here to avoid being noticed,” Luci reminded her.
Jayde was not to be put off. “Adam, Adam,” she hissed. He looked up. “Tell her she’ll look better in a skirt, will you?”
Adam looked at Luci and nodded with a smile. Then he went straight back to his book.
“Told you, he adores you!” she whispered.
Luci stood up and packed her stuff away.
“You can borrow one of mine,” Jayde said as she followed Luci out. “Tomorrow morning, meet me at the front of school. Do you need black tights?”
“I have my own tights,” Luci replied before thinking how easily that slipped out.
“Don’t be late,” Jayde said as she headed off.
“I’ll think about it.”
“As I said, ‘Don’t be late!’” she said waving behind her.

The rest of the day passed slowly but Luci’s mind was not on school work. At the end of school Sally was waiting at the school office. This was not good news.
“What have you got to say for yourself?” she demanded.
Luci was taken aback. His mind scanned all the things he might have done wrong. Had she heard about the Jayde’s plan for the skirt? It was confusing.
When the headteacher appeared, Sally was apologetic and explained that Luci had come to school with painted nails (oh that!) without permission but she would make sure she was punished at home.
The headteacher smiled. “No need for anything too heavy,” he said. “Lots of the children try it on but we have to make a stand. In any case, thank you for coming in.”
Sally practically pushed him out the front entrance.
“How embarrassing!” she said. “I have never been called to a school before for either Frankie or Peter. Get in!” She was furious. Her driving did nothing to calm her down either.
“I’m sorry, I forgot I had it on,” he tried eventually.
“Wait until your papa hears about this!”
Luci froze. What would he find out? Jayde’s question came flooding back.
“It won’t happen again,” Luci tried, desperate to head off trouble.
“Too right!” Sally barked, slamming the break on as they turned up outside Frankie’s school. Frankie could sense the atmosphere as soon as she got in the car. When Sally had finished relating the story of being phoned by the school and going in to see the head teacher, Frankie laughed. Sally was not impressed.
“Oh come on, mum, lighten up. So she went to school with some nail polish. Bet she wasn’t the only one!”
“There were two others there as well.” Luci explained.
“See!”
“That does not excuse your behaviour, young lady,” Sally said. “There will be consequences.”

The punishment took both Frankie and Luci by surprise. He was made to put on his pyjamas as soon as he got home. He hadn’t worn them since he went into nighties and he did not welcome the change back. He looked at his pyjama top with his arms outstretched and wondered how they had ever felt like the right thing for him to wear. Peter, too, noticed the cloud that had come over everyone.
“What did she do, mum, burn the school down?” he asked.
“Worse, she embarrassed me!”
“So, ritual humiliation is called for,” her son said.
Sally sighed once again. It had really been a trying day. However, she could see how dejected Luci looked and relented.
“Alright,” she said. “As you are ganging up on me as if I were the one who had gone to school wearing nail polish…” She looked around at each of them. “Luci, you can get changed.”
Frankie cheered and Peter said “well done” but to who was not clear. Luci leapt up to go back to the bedroom but Sally called after him.
“Into your nightie, though. You are still in trouble.”

Luci pulled on his nightie and felt right again. He folded up the pyjamas and put them in the drawer. As he did so, he remembered the denim skirt that was waiting in the bottom drawer for him to wear. The moment had not yet come but, he admitted to himself, he was excited at the idea. Then he thought about Jayde’s offer and wondered whether he should take her up on it or whether this, too, would get him into trouble with Sally. So many things to think about!

Sally didn’t tell his papa on the ‘phone that evening so he was able to make his day sound like a good one. He told papa all about his new friend Adam and how helpful he had been and how much he liked him. George listened with growing pride and pictured his son as one of the boys, popular now where once he had struggled to fit in. It felt strange to be ready for bed so early and he got the message from Sally that she meant what she said about punishment as he was sent to bed earlier than Frankie and he missed Peter reading them the bedtime story.

Time on his own provided the opportunity to think things through. He knew that he really, really wanted to wear a skirt but he couldn’t shake off the idea that he would be a laughing stock. Yet, since the day when he first wore his hair in a ponytail there had been no further problem. He couldn’t think of a single time when he had been bothered. Even the odd comment and snigger had stopped… completely. Luci thought and thought about it and realised people were friendlier to him as a girl than they had ever been when he was a boy. ‘When he was a boy…’ He was no longer a boy.
“I am a girl,” he said to himself. “I am a girl!” went through his head as he drifted off to sleep.

Jayde was ready for her the next morning at the school gate. So, too, was Adam. Luci was surprised to see them but also pleased especially when Adam said he wanted to walk to school with her. He had been too shy to ask so waited at the school gates for her to arrive. Jayde rolled her eyes at this and said, “If I could interrupt you two young love birds, we’ve got important business before school starts.” She pulled Luci off in the direction of the school building, stopped and turned back to a crestfallen Adam and called out “Are you going to help or what?”

Inside, Jayde led Luci towards the girls’ toilets. Luci braked when she realised.
“I can’t go in there!”
“Why not?” Jayde asked.
Luci didn’t know what to say, she just thought she should avoid going in.
“Look, it is tons nicer than the boys’ toilets. Trust me, I’ve been in there. No offence, Adam!” She pulled Luci in and instructed Adam to stand guard. “Don’t let anyone in, right?”

It felt strange to be in the girls’ toilets. She had avoided all toilets successfully for the last few weeks. She had hardly drunk a thing to keep from the dilemma she knew she would face at some point. Jayde, though, was on a mission. She went in to a cubicle, waited and then grabbed her by the arm and pulled her in.
“Honestly, Luce, do you want to get sorted or not?” She brought out a dark grey school skirt and handed it over. “This should fit, try it.” Then, when Luci kept staring at the skirt, “Drop your trousers! Honestly, Luce!”
Luci undid her trousers, let them drop to the floor and stepped out of them revealing her black tights. She had put the tights on in the bathroom that morning so that she didn’t get any awkward questions from Frankie. She thought Frankie would be supportive but she didn’t want to have to explain anything at the moment. She was also worried that Sally would find out. After the nail polish incident she didn’t want to do anything more that got her into trouble. She was worried enough that wearing a skirt might cause the headteacher to ring Sally again.

The door to the toilets opened a little. Adam was stressed at standing guard and wanted them to get a move on. Jayde told him to chill.
Luci pulled on the skirt and felt a shiver of electricity through her whole body. It was like being dressed and undressed at the same time. She smiled broadly when she looked in the mirror, mesmerised by what she saw. She looked just like a ten year old girl. “Well, I am,” she said out loud.

Jayde was too busy to admire Luci and instead pulled out a pair of school shoes. She handed them over. They were black and had a strap that buckled up. Lots of the girls wore them.
“I had to guess the size,” Jayde said.
“Shoes?” Luci said somewhat lamely.
“Yes, someone has to think about these things!”
They were slightly too big so Jayde stuffed some paper towel in the ends. When they were on, Luci admired herself again. The skirt, the tights, the shoes with a strap… it all worked so well.
“If I could get you away from a mirror for a few moments… we do have to get outside before the day starts or we’ll be in trouble. It’s alright for you goody two shoes but some of us are on warnings about breaking rules.” Jayde opened the door and stepped out. Luci followed, out into the corridor, into the open. She was thrilled and scared stiff all at the same time.

Adam smiled at her. “You look great,” he said. She smiled back.
“As I said, if we could get you two love birds onto the playground, I won’t lose all my privileges.” Jayde walked in front and jabbed her thumb for them to follow.

Luci was grateful for Adam’s support. He stood beside them and it felt as if she could hide behind him if she needed to. But she didn’t. Nobody paid any attention to her. The playground was flooded with children waiting for the whistle to go and everyone was talking or playing or hanging around. Some boys were joking with each other but nobody looked in Luci’s direction or looked startled, surprised or shocked. Certainly, no one laughed.