So, I was listening to a podcast from the new NPR series, "Invisibilia" and on one episode they describe a condition which causes a the sufferer to mentally switch genders at whim. They even interview a Trans person who initially suffers from it and they are repulsed by the body in the mirror after a shower to the point of nausea, because it did not match who they are mentally at that time.
They actually start to transition to make themselves more androgynous, only to find their switch stops flipping and they seem 'Locked' into their new gender and finish the transition.
I was initially listening and nearly turned it off but found myself drawing parallels with the situation of the interview subject. More and more as I listened.
I also have times when I feel clearly gender dysphoric, and other times when I feel most like my birth gender. I also have trouble looking in the mirror nude.
Is there anyone out there that has a similar issue? I am looking for a fellow traveler in this emotional storm. Any thoughts that could help or at least assist me to deal with this, would be a god-send.
Ally Kat
Comments
My humble opinion
In my opinion the flip flops occur most strongly in people who doubt their ability to transition and be accepted. Its particularly rough if you are a BIG person. Whether morbidly obese or star blocker on a team or worse that bullet dodging first responder or military person... you probably have more doubts than that 168cm... 45 kilo androgynous person.
I don't know if your study takes this into account.
I know I have virtually continuous doubt, but I have absolutely continuous gender dysforia.
Even on moments where I wonder if I'm being male... or masculinely femme, I have no doubts that I made the right decision to transition. I will eventually lose the weight and I know I'll look better when I do.
In-spite of my doubts... I feel more like a tomboy than a man. I can be masculine with a feminine flare.
Dayna.
Not sure
But then my gender issues are quite mild compared to others. I do know that I'd rather not look in the mirror nude, or even just wearing my panties. All the while, it's very confusing, because I thoroughly enjoy sex as a male and the thought of SRS is enough to make me cringe. And still, except for the sex part, I'd just as soon ignore that appendage. I know that this feeling has grown stronger as I've gotten older.
So I don't know if I fit in there or not. If so, I'm just inside the door, with maybe one foot still on the threshold.
Hugs
Patricia
Happiness is being all dressed up and HAVING some place to go.
Semper in femineo gerunt
Ich bin eine Mann
If It Can Be Conceived
If a sex act can be conceived and can be done, physically it is being done somewhere in this world.
Also another piece if advice given to me by Maggie O Malley (Maggie the Kitten): If you do something to transition and it feels right, continue; if not you can go back.
shalimar
Maybe?
I never considered it something I "suffered" from, but I've always had the condition where I switch genders. Though it's not really on a whim for me. I guess it's called gender fluid now, but I never had a name for it growing up. Over the years I just accepted it as part of who I am. I've always had a hormone imbalance that has kept me from growing out of that "pretty boy" phase, to where I'm now 30 and get carded like I'm still in high school. Some people might find that a blessing, but not when you step out for girl's night and have to endure someone looking at that big M on your license. It sometimes kills the mood of the evening.
And it's never been something where I put on a skirt and think I'm a female. My whole mental state changes. Sometimes at the worst moments. Sometimes it's when I'm looking in the mirror, perhaps even dressed and ready to go out. I've even completely changed from going out as a girl to going out as a guy on many occasions. Or guy to girl, sometimes even giving up on the outing completely. It also hits me randomly, and messes with my confidence.
I've taken steps to be more androgynous, including a brief try at natural hormones, but never felt "locked" in, or had my switch turn off. Maybe I just haven't taken that big step that causes that yet? I don't know. I do know that I'm comfortable where I'm at in life right now, and in my opinion that's all that matters.
It's sad to me that people who do flip-flop are almost always seen as "indecisive", wannabes, or "simple crossdressers." I've seen a lot of hatred from within the community, and a lot of judgmental treatment towards me personally. (Not on here, but in local groups.) Have even been told once that I was a "lucky andro bitch" who could just "come and go as I please [under the transgender umbrella] and never have to set up camp." Which is always a great thing to hear when you're 20 and at a "support" group meeting.
~Taylor Ryan
My muse suffers from insomnia, and it keeps me up at night.