I know I've been more than a bit 'melodramatic' over the past few weeks. All I can say in my defense, is that I have been wrestling with old, bad memories and present day fears. It's taken a couple of days of "alone time" recently, to wrestle with my demons, major and minor, and at the end of that, I found myself with a new purpose, or a redux of my original purpose. I have gone to my boss and informed him to let the proper authorities know that, as soon as they give the go-ahead, I am beginning my Real Life Test.

Since I work for the County, the county attorney, who was aware of my intentions, requested some 'lead time' so some information can be distributed to whoever is deemed needful of it, as to my intention to begin the above mentioned Real Life Test.

I still don't know if I will be working at the same place at the end of June, but it seems a bit more likely now, than it did a couple of weeks ago. However, whether or not I stay there, I decided to go ahead with my decision, stating to my Boss: "If I'm going out, I'm going out with a bang." His response? "Good for you. I'll notify him this afternoon, and I'll let you know the minute I get a response. Good luck."

In the words of a certain TV show:

"It ´s been a long road, getting from there to here.
It ´s been a long time, but my time is finally near.
And I will see my dream come alive at last. I will touch the sky.
And they ´re not gonna hold me down no more, no they ´re not gonna change my mind.

Cause I ´ve got faith of the heart.
I ´m going where my heart will take me.
I ´ve got faith to believe. I can do anything.
I ´ve got strength of the soul. And no one ´s gonna bend or break me.
I can reach any star. I ´ve got faith, I ´ve got faith, faith of the heart."

I don't know how successful I will be, but I'm going to give it all I have and trust to fate for the rest. I have the support of almost all of my co-workers, most of my friends, some of my family, and all of my "family of choice", all of you.

Once again, I apologise for any consternation I might have caused by my sudden departure. All I can say is that a whole lot of stuff just crashed in on me and swept me away mentally. I don't know if I'm completely over it, but I've beaten most of it into submission. The rest will come in time, as I re-gain my confidence and equanimity.

I offer my sincere, heartfelt thanks to everyone who messaged, called, or otherwise thought to try to make me feel better about what I was going through. As I said, I really just needed some time alone to gather my thoughts and toss out some old garbage (read bad memories) that had caused me a lot of pain and anxiety over the past weeks. You all make me feel appreciated and yes, even loved. I hope I can live up to your expectations of me. You all make me proud to be called friend by you. Wish me luck.

Hugs from,
Catherine Linda Michel