GMed by Melanie E., with the gameplay talents of Doc (Greeneggs667,) Stardraigh, and Serena

When the BC Dungeon's Pathfinder game closes early, those who stay around are left to find... OTHER ways of entertaining themselves. So, why not a nice game of RISUS?

-==-

The cast:

Doc is Raging_Cajun:
Paranormal Investigation 2
pilot 3
french trained chef 2

Stardraigh is Sappha Mimay:
Paranormal Investigator: 3
Bottlecap Collector: 2
Track & Field Longjump: 2

Serena is Serena_Gear_Solid:
Paranormal Investigator 2
Sword Swallowing 3
Swimming 2

And I am bosslady, the GM deciding what goes on.

RISUS is a d6 based, very simple RPG designed mostly so that people who want to play games and get drunk at the same time can do so without complicated rules getting in the way. For us, it simply amounted to one heckuva good time. Typos, ramblings, and other weirdness left in for posteriority.

-==-

bosslady> We'll just be kinda running this by the skin of our teeth, so let's get started, shall we?
bosslady> For a long time you've been following the news reports. You know the ones, about the ghost outbreaks in New York? Well, it's only recently that the greatest event in the entirety of your dreary little existence has come to pass: the Ghostbusters are licensing out their business' franchise rights!
bosslady> You live in Hoboken ('cause why not,) and the two of you are roommates, less by choice and more by circumstance.
== Sas has changed nick to Raging
== Raging has changed nick to Raging_Cajun
== Serena has changed nick to Serena_Gear_Solid
bosslady> Down on your luck, but okay in money thanks to a rich uncle who passed away of Sappha's, the two of you decide what better way to make your way than opening your own branch? The particle accelerator packs are a bit steep, but you can start without those, right?
bosslady> Right?
bosslady> Sappha/Serena.
== Star has changed nick to Sappha
Serena_Gear_Solid> (Are there not 3 of us?
bosslady> RC, you have a spare point available.
bosslady> Sure?
bosslady> Serena, add your character to the list on the google doc.
Raging_Cajun> I thought you said 7?
bosslady> So, three friends, out to make their way in the big bad world of paranormal investigation. You each have: 1 jumpsuit (beige,) and an assortment of random crud as you decide to give yourselves, and access to a limited form of hammerspace (within reason.)
bosslady> I did.
bosslady> I thought you'd only assigned six.
bosslady> *shrug*
Raging_Cajun> :-)
Sappha> What's hammerspace
Sappha> Can I have 200 limited forms of hammerspace?
Sappha> Don't even know what it is but I want 200 of them
bosslady> And you know what? The great thing about RISUS is I don't even care that Sapph gave herself the wrong skills: we can work with a PI instead of a paranormal investigator on the team, right peeps?
bosslady> Hammerspace: the place where people in games, comics, and TV shows keep all the things they couldn't possibly be carrying ont hem, so named for the tendency of cartoon characters to pull mallets out of nowhere.
Sappha> I changed it back to paranormal investigator already
bosslady> Where do the mallets come from? Hammerspace, of course.
bosslady> Awwww.
bosslady> Evs.
bosslady> :D
bosslady> This game, it is not a serious game.
Sappha> So like Infinite bags of holding... I still want 200 of them. I put one inside the other.... :P
Sappha> Hammerspace all the way down
bosslady> :P WITHIN REASON. I'd allow a lot of stuff, but a sherman tank or something would be asking too much.
Sappha> Do we make a list of stuff on the sheet or just make it up as we go?
bosslady> You also have a car. Sadly, you could not afford the iconic hearse, so you'll have to settle for Cajun's aging El Camino with a camper on the back.
bosslady> Either/or Sapph. I'm flexible.
Raging_Cajun> Can I have a LT1 in it?
bosslady> Sure? No clue what that is.
Sappha> My character is small so she can fit in the middle of the bench seat in the el camino
bosslady> Absolutely!
Raging_Cajun> Corvette motor, makes lotza power & lousy mialage
bosslady> Like the classic team, your first few weeks open are... quiet, to say the least, when suddenly... *RING RING RING*
bosslady> Sure, sounds good.
Sappha> Because there's no a bench seat. No bucket seats here. The stickshift and safetybelts have also gone. Cake plays on the radio.... :P
Sappha> *now
Raging_Cajun> Y'all keep the noise down, This girl had a riugh night!
bosslady> *RING RING RING*
bosslady> (PS: That's the phone)
Sappha> I pick up the phone
Raging_Cajun> Oh ok!
Sappha> Moshimoshi
bosslady> Is... is this the Hoboken Ghostbusters?
* Raging_Cajun answers, PI Inc how may I help you?
* Serena_Gear_Solid is listening to korean death metal, and cannot hear the phone.
Sappha> (Guy or girl on the other end?)
bosslady> Woman.
bosslady> Harried.
bosslady> Harriet the Harried Harridan.
Sappha> Yes Ma'am. This is HoBOken GhostbustERS. (I stress the caps)
* Raging_Cajun listens on another handset
bosslady> Umm... you catch ghosts, right? Only, I think I have one.
bosslady> You wouldn't happen to be plumbers, too?
Sappha> We indubitably Do that Ma'am
* Raging_Cajun flings paperclip at Serena, Pisst we might have a client!
Sappha> I look to Raging Cajun
Sappha> and whisper... Plumbers?
* Raging_Cajun Blinks... What I fly & cook!
Sappha> Well mouth it really. Not a whisper
Raging_Cajun> No plumbing
bosslady> Oh. Oh! Good! Umm... here's my address," she says, rattling off a string of words you jot down on your palm. "When can you be here?"
* Serena_Gear_Solid swallows the paperclip.
Raging_Cajun> (how far from us & how bad is traffic?)
Sappha> Why yes Ma'am. We can meet your plumbing needs especially if a personage of Spectral Nature is involved.
bosslady> Even if it's a carnivorous toilet?
Sappha> But if it's normal average non-ghost plumbing, we can't do a thing
bosslady> (You check the address, and it's about 15 minutes away by El Camino.)
Sappha> If it's not a normal toilet, we can check it out
bosslady> Are carnivorous toilets normal?
Raging_Cajun> Covering the phone, tell her about 45 to a hour
Sappha> We'd have to see. It could be a normal carnivorous toilet, or an abnormal carnivorous toilet. Won't know until we see it for ourselves
Raging_Cajun> her=Sappha
bosslady> "Alright. So, whenc an you be here?"
Sappha> We can be there in about an hour.
bosslady> "Okay. I think Jimmy can--" you hear the phone hit the table followed by "NO! STEPH, DON'T FEED IT THE CAT!" Then the line goes dead.
* Serena_Gear_Solid finally takes off her headphones.
* Raging_Cajun shrugs on the coveralls over her daisy dukes & halter zipps the flight boots & doffs a PHI ball cap. OK lets Go Ladies!
Sappha> LOOK ALIVE LADIES... WE GOT US A JOB
* Sappha jumps up and down excited.
bosslady> YAYUHHHHH!!!!
bosslady> *kick in theme music remixed by Missy Elliot*
bosslady> Take the lead, ladies.
Raging_Cajun> (PHI is petroleum helos inc)
* Sappha gets her jumpsuit on and hurries to the El Camino
* Raging_Cajun gets into the drivers seat & LIGHTS HER UP! Almond Bros floods the shop.
bosslady> Is that a bad parody band of the Allman Brothers?
bosslady> 'Cause I figured you more for a Hayseed Dixie kinda girl.
* Serena_Gear_Solid follows, looking slight less enthusiastic.
bosslady> Or maybe Mojo Nixon.
Raging_Cajun> (no I just can't speel)
bosslady> Y'all hop in the ol' Camino and head out. You have an hour. Any stops on the way?
Raging_Cajun> (This girl is form Lafayette LA, a real coonass cajun)
Sappha> I'm excited RC.... We... have.... a.... JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Raging_Cajun> Y'all know it!
Raging_Cajun> ( I want to drive around the addys block & scope it out
bosslady> Okay.
Sappha> I wish to acquire a ghost catching net since my last one broke. We must go to the dollar store. Also the fish store. I have an idea....
Raging_Cajun> Plus look for a parking space
bosslady> Both are conveniently on the way to your goal.
bosslady> Oh! In cash, you have about thirty bucks between y'all, plus a Subway gift card with about 67 cents left on it.
Serena_Gear_Solid> Oh, I swallowed that card last thursday.
Raging_Cajun> (need gas?)
Sappha> Don't I have a charge card on it... for business expenses and stuff?
bosslady> The address is in the middle of a somewhat run-down area. Big houses for the region, but all a bit worse for wear, with chain link fences and the occasional yappy dog.
bosslady> How do you think you got the Subway gift card? Funds are tight, to say the least.
bosslady> (If it's something you need that is potentially entertaining and you can't afford it, it can possibly already be in the back of the El Camino.)
Sappha> Well, I need some sidewalk chalk, At least 4 candles, a ghost catching net, and the largest coy/goldfish I can get from the fish store.
bosslady> That'll all run ya about 10 bucks, minus the ghost net. You have a coupon for one of those in the glove box.
* Sappha looks in the back for the M80 firecracker she's been holding onto since the 4th of July
* Raging_Cajun makes sure she has Tabasco sauce & a pack of boublemint
bosslady> It's buried under a pile of empty funyuns bags and pixie stix.
Raging_Cajun> doublemint
bosslady> Nah, it's Boublemint. Each piece fills your heart with lounge music.
Raging_Cajun> (lol)
Sappha> Yay for ghost catching net coupon to acquire the ghost catching net
bosslady> It was good for either that, or on the other side it coulda been used for half off a grand slam at Denny'.
bosslady> Driving around the street... each of you roll your PI skill.
Sappha> How does the roll work?
Sappha> Do we have to get higher or lower?
bosslady> a d6 for each point.
bosslady> I don't tell ya that. Just roll, and add the dice together.
Sappha> I got six total\
Raging_Cajun> 2d6+0 2,2+0 = 4
bosslady> This isn't a check you can get hurt by.
Sappha> Rolled a 1,2, and 3
bosslady> So a six, a four...
== Raging_Cajun has changed nick to RC
Serena_Gear_Solid> 11
bosslady> RC, I have arbitrarily decided that you have a pet iguana named Moon Pie.
bosslady> 6, 4, and 11.
RC> & she? is riding on my shoulder
bosslady> With your powers combined, you notice... absolutely nothing out of the ordinary, except for one house where the owners apparently bought a Fiat.
bosslady> Yep. All's quiet, it seems, around the neighborhood. Perhaps too quiet?
* RC reaches into hammer space & gives Moon Pie a grape
* Serena_Gear_Solid rests her head on Sappha's shoulder.
RC> Walk up to the addy & ring doorbell?
Sappha> Are we driving in the neighborhood of the job or elsewhere?
RC> (we're at the addy)
* Sappha puts her head on Serena_Gear_Solid's head and starts humming along to the music
bosslady> The door is answered by Harried Harriet. Her hair is a hardy henna. She has facial herpes. "Yes? Oh, you must be the ghostbusters! This way!" She leads you into a rather outdated domicile, with pea-green walls and the occasional ochre paisley print rug.
RC> Me looks at her two friends, y'all like tied to the whipping post that much?
* RC blinks at the colors
Sappha> I've gotten out now that we've arrived and follow RC in
* Serena_Gear_Solid frowns and heads inside.
bosslady> From a door at the end of the hall, you can see water seeping out and ruining the hardwood floors, and hear a rather purturbing gurgling moan from within.
Sappha> I have left the goldfish in the car for now along with all other acquired instruments.
bosslady> The lady proceeds to lead you up the stairs.
RC> Mam we need a cash deposit for our services...
bosslady> "Cash? But... we don't have any cash! I can write a check?"
bosslady> She looks around and wrings her hands nervously
Sappha> <.<
Sappha> >.>
RC> We take Visa etc but no checks
Sappha> <.<
bosslady> She coughs. "My husband has a 30 pack of Corona in the cooler...."
Sappha> O.O
* RC looks at her friends, y'all ok w/a check?
* Sappha begins whispering to herself and counting on her fingers.....
Serena_Gear_Solid> Checks have been known to ricochet off the walls.
Sappha> How about both? Check and Alcohol
bosslady> "I could do that," she said, glancing up the stairs when a yeowling sound is heard before yelling "DAMNIT STEPH I SAID DON'T FEED IT THE CAT!" Then she takes off up the stairs.
Serena_Gear_Solid> Yea... I'm thinking cash.
Sappha> We can always take something of value as colateral?
bosslady> On a side note, a google search for Carnivorous Toilet mostly turns up bats and carnivorous pitcher plants.
bosslady> The lady can't hear you: she's disappeared around the corner, though two kids and a damp and semi-hairless cat come charging down and between you, laughing (and yeowling) as they race out the door.
Sappha> https://www.google.com/search?espv=2&biw=673&bih=575&tbm=isch&sa=1&q=evil+toilet&oq=evil+toilet&gs_l=img.3..0l2j0i24.3066.3636.0.3967.4.4.0.0.0.0.210.387.0j1j1.2.0.msedr...0...1c.1.61.img..2.2.387.ukAWbRtfDQE
* RC goes up the stairs w/tabasco in hand
Sappha> I go up behind RC, carefully watching, observing, waiting to use my expert kung fu & karate
bosslady> You find the woman standing in a smallish bathroom, brandishing a plunger and beating at a rather over-animated toilet fixture.
bosslady> Sappha, you don't have karate or kung fu.
Sappha> I know
bosslady> You have track and bottlecaps.
bosslady> Roll for bottlecaps.
Sappha> Definitely don't know Martial arts... but no one else knows I don't know that
Sappha> I got a six
* RC shakes Tabasco on the toilet & starts telling it off in Cajun French
Serena_Gear_Solid> I unhinge my jaw and shoot a sword from my mouth in the direction of the toilet.
bosslady> Roll for sword swallowing Serena, and RC roll for your automatic 1 die in Crazy Cajun.
bosslady> Sappha, you found a rare 1967 Dr. Pepper cap on the stairs while following your friends. Where it came from, you have no idea.
Sappha> I pocket the bottlecap
RC> 1d6+0 5+0 = 5
Sappha> Are either of the attacks successful against the toilet?
bosslady> RC, while yelling at the target and shaking out your hot sauce, the toilet lunges. 2 points in Evil Toilet, total roll of 9. It clamps down on your arm.
bosslady> Serena, what did you roll?
Serena_Gear_Solid> 9
Sappha> I stand back. This doesn't bode well for RC.
bosslady> The sword you spit hits it (ties equal win for players, made it up just now.) You snap the lid on top of the toilet and it starts spewing pea soup. What you HOPE is pea soup. Well, it COULD be pea soup....
Sappha> I ask Harriet how long has the toilet been exhibiting these symptoms?
RC> I hammerspace a lemon & squeeze the juice on the bad thing
bosslady> Oh dear god let that be pea soup.
bosslady> "Oh, a couple of weeks now. At first it was just a bit nippy, but it's gotten more lively lately."
bosslady> RC, roll french chef.
* RC Shouts, Bad Toilet, Bad Bad Bad
Sappha> I also ask Harriet to go over all the symptoms she's seen
bosslady> "Biting, growling, mumbling eldritch encantations during the gloaming. You know, the usual stuff."
RC> 2d6+0 4,5+0 = 9
bosslady> Lemon juice, the evil toilet's one true weakness! The lemony freshness causes the beast to scream in horror, and it lets go of your arm.
Sappha> I nod my head. Yeah. This is definitely your typical run of the mill evil carnivorous toilet. Nothing abnormal about it. Don't worry ma'am. We've got this.
RC> Hah! & squeeze more!
bosslady> RC, roll for french chef again.
RC> OK
bosslady> Sappha, roll for PI.
Sappha> I look over my shoulder at RC getting free. and then turn back to Harriet. Now Ma'am. It might be best if you let us professionals take care of this.
RC> 2d6+0 5,3+0 = 8
bosslady> The toilet cowers back, whining pathetically from RC's squeaky-clean attack.
Sappha> Perhaps you want to go downstairs, maybe wait in your car... possibly go visit your sister for the night. It might take a while
RC> Take that you beast & your peas soup is weak also...
Sappha> I got 10
bosslady> That's not pea soup.
RC> Don't forget The kids & kkat
bosslady> Sappha, you recall that carnivorous toilets are easily disposed of with a quick M80.
Sappha> Awesome. I shuffle Harriet out of the room and along with the rest of her family, outside to their car.
bosslady> Harriet looks at RC. "Oh, they'll be fine. I leave 'em out at night all the time." Then she leans her plunger against the wall. "There's meat loaf in the fridge if you girls get hungry."
Sappha> Then I go to the car, retrieve the gold fish, the half gone roll of duct tape, and the M-80, along with some of the pixie sticks.
bosslady> Serena, what are you up to while all this is going on?
RC> Why thank you Miss Harriet, right neighborly of you!
Serena_Gear_Solid> Uhhh...
Sappha> Then in the kitchen, I assemble my patented anti-evil carnivorous toilet device.
bosslady> Good answer! Setting up a circle of protection was a great idea Serena!
bosslady> Sapph, roll for Longjump. Your years of track and field have given you strange, heretofore unmentioned MacGuyver like abilities.
Sappha> I duct tape the M-80 to the gold fish after I remove it from the bag. Then I liberally coat it with pixie stick dust. I head up to the bathroom upstairs.
bosslady> Okay, skip the roll.
Sappha> I got a six. Also Serena, there's chalk and candles
bosslady> As soon as you approach with the fish, the toilet licks its lid. But, there's something missing. RC, roll French Chef.
Serena_Gear_Solid> :P
Sappha> I take out my lighter from my jump suit pocket, ready to light the M80
RC> 2d6+0 2,5+0 = 7
bosslady> RC! You realize that no self-respecting carnivorous toilet would eat pixie-crusted coy without a garnish!
Sappha> :)
RC> Hammerspace & get another delish sour orange slice.
RC> Ready to Sappha?
Sappha> I tuck the sour orange slice in the gold-fishies mouth
Sappha> Yeah, I'm ready.
bosslady> The toilet grumbles in appreciation.
RC> I back myself w/cajun gerkins too!
bosslady> Serena, get ready for the blast!
Sappha> I light the M-80 that is duct taped to the fish. Then I yell. Fire in the hole and toss it to the toilet
RC> Auttcrat Brand!
bosslady> The toilet eagerly snaps the fishie up. 3....
bosslady> 2....
bosslady> 1....
bosslady> 0.568
Sappha> Then I run outside the bathroom. THis of course happens after the other two left the room in preparation.
* RC ducks down
bosslady> BOOM!!!!
RC> in the hall
Sappha> When the smoke settles, I peak into the bathroom
bosslady> Pieces of ceramic and fish litter the hallway
RC> Quickly get uup and recee the room
bosslady> The evil toilet.... is no more.
bosslady> CUE VICTORY MUSIC!
Sappha> Are the pieces of ceramic still evil?
bosslady> No more than any other ceramic.
Sappha> The Final Fantasy victory theme plays
RC> Now then who sweeps and & how much do we charge?
bosslady> At the base of the stairs is a cooler full of Coronas, with a check for 300 dollars sitting on top.
* Serena_Gear_Solid pouts.
RC> I got get a meatloaf sammy & share w/the girls
Sappha> Woo hoo. Cheap craptastical beer.
Serena_Gear_Solid> A check...
* Sappha picks up the case of beer and ignores the check
bosslady> Serena, don't forget the beer! And meat loaf!
RC> got=go
RC> I pick 'em up
* Serena_Gear_Solid writes a note to herself to file a complaint when it inevitably bounces.
bosslady> Congratulations on a first job well done! Surely tackling such a nefarious menace will bode well for your future endeavors!
RC> You driving Serena?
* Sappha says 1... 2... 3 not I while touching her nose
bosslady> And thus ends our very first session of RISUS Ghostbusters!
bosslady> So. Whatcha think? Fun? Silly enough? Worth trying again some time?
RC> (that was fun, kinda like teenagers from outer space)
Sappha> On a side note, if the goldfish M80 didn't work. I was going to make a magic circle and summon another evil spirit and bind it to a plunger then have both fight each other.
bosslady> RISUS CAN be played serious, but why would you? And that woulda been GREAT, Sappha :P

-==-

Will there be future episodes of RISUS Ghostbusters? Will the girls' careers as paranormal investigators take off, or leave them moping in a sea of ruin? What IS that smell coming from the El Camino, anyway? These questions, and more, will be left unanswered if there are any more installments of... RISUS Ghostbusters! Thank you, good night! *drops mic*