It takes Christi a full two minutes to realize that it is me talking to Amanda. We both play it cool and act like we haven’t noticed her come in; Ms. M. is across the room—quietly watching. Then…Christi notices it is me…and she (barely) stifles a scream…thankfully. Ms. M. smiles, happy that her daughter has found someone that can make her unusual preference happy… she goes in the back as Christi rushes over to me and gives me a big hug. Thankfully, the store is empty at the moment, since she pulls me to the back and gives me a big kiss on the lips.

We both clock in and I find that every time that I look over at Christi, she is staring at me. At one point, her Mom gets onto her to pay attention to the customers and not me! I smile at that…it feels good to be the center of her attention.

When we get off work, we both go to the food court for a drink…and I don’t even really think about the fact that I am in a skirt outside the ‘safety’ of the store… I get home a little later than usual because of that, but Mom is still up. To say that she is surprised at my outfit would be an understatement. But, she loves the skirt and asks about my mounting bill at the store. I tell her that I will work it off and that it is OK. She just smiles and writes me out a check for the whole amount—plus some to get a few more clothes. She just says, “A girl can’t have too many clothes…and with your discount, you have already gotten a lot for what you would have paid for about one nice outfit somewhere else. If this is really how you want to dress—take advantage of it.”

I hug her and get ready for bed…

I look at M.S. in shock and ask, “How can you even seriously ask that? You of all people should know that I am fully committed…and happy with my choice to become a girl. It is the repercussions of my unintended consequences that I am unhappy with. How can I live with this…gift…you have given me, if I can’t fully control it?”

M.S. sighs and asks Shauna to make a big pot of tea. She waits until we are all settled; tea in front of each us. Then she continues, “What I am about to say does not leave this room, understood?” She looks at each of us and gets our nod of agreement. Then she says, “Shauna’s family knows some of this; but I don’t believe even Shauna knows what I am about to say. If we are going to be working together, then you all have the right to know…especially of Joy continues down her path.” She closes her eyes and takes a deep sip of hot tea. She sighs and says, “As you all know, I am older than I appear. I am not going to say how old—it is irrelevant—but let’s just say that you will also have a much longer-than-usual life-span, Joy. I have had…decades…to grow into my power, learn to refine them, use them…and have them now ebbing. You, Child, are not even close to full tide yet. Don’t blame yourself for not understanding what you are capable of…not to mention what you will be capable of…”

She sits and lets that sink in. We all sit stunned and she continues, “You must understand that the powers that you and I share, Joy, are rare…but we are not unique. I am keeping you out of site from those that know of those powers for several reasons. First, while you passed my purity test, you are still vulnerable to being swayed to misusing your energy… Think of it like Star Wars—George Lucas didn’t have it too wrong. Sometimes I wonder whether he knows more than he lets on, but that is another story. Anyway, there really is something like the ‘Force’…that is where your energy flows from. There also is something like the ‘Dark Side’…there are some with control of the energy that choose to use it for darker purposes. In my youth, I fought those individuals in the name of the Church. Someday, I will tell you more about that, maybe… Anyway, Shauna’s family, while rarely with power themselves, has long worked with those of us on the good side…”

She takes some more tea as she continues, “I have told you bits and pieces of this, Joy. I was not planning on telling you this much—yet—but recent events make it necessary. The Church once made me ‘heal’ one individual over another. Both of the individuals were prime candidates as energy conduits—which is basically what we are… Some people are suited to channel the energy, once certain ‘switches’ are turned on in their bodies—for lack of a better explanation. That is what I did for you when you I ‘gave’ you your energy; I turned on your switches. Some people can channel more energy than others… Anyway, I wanted to switch on one of the individual’s channels and not the others. I was convinced that it was the right choice. The Church made me do it the other way around… It turns out that I was right…in a way. Had I switched on the person’s channels that I wanted, we would have gained a mediocrely powerful ally, at best. It also turns out the Church was right in a way—turning on the other person’s channels created a much more powerful conduit…but one that turned…well, evil. I created the most powerful monster this earth has ever seen… Of course, I couldn’t know at that point how bad it would turn out. The Church gambled and lost…two allies; the monster that I created…and me. I swore not to turn on any more channels…ever… Actually, I swore to not use my channeling powers ever again…”

We are sitting there wide-eyed… She continues, “The Church hid me away in cloisters and I have been in the guise of…several…nuns over the years… Then I came to Saint Paul’s. I knew my conduits were weakening and I decided that maybe it was my chance to make right what I had wronged…turn on one more person’s channels…for the good of humanity. I devised a special screening test—the one that you passed, Joy. An initial scan that I got of you early on, when you were unaware of me even doing it, confirmed what I hoped…I believed you to be a prime candidate… But…I had to be sure…so…well, I let the girls here…basically torture you… It was a hard choice for me…but, through it all, you remained pure. Sure, you had your doubts…even resentment…but you never acted on it… After things went even a bit further than even I had planned…I brought you in and did a deep scan…it confirmed my hopes… I pushed as much energy as my waning channels allowed and it healed you. It set your channels to a pre-open state. When you made the commitment to become ‘Joy’—to accept the change…they opened. But, here is the thing…your channels are expanding…just like…Vincent’s, the evil person I created, did… You have the potential to become a much greater conduit than even he became…but I have to protect you until you are ready… If the Church finds out what I have done, they will surely pressure you to join with them… If Vincent and his cronies find out…they will surely try and recruit you…or kill you before you grow too powerful…”

She sighs at my pale and blank stare. She says, “I am sorry for deceiving you, Joy. I am telling you all of this before you are really ready to hear it, because you need to understand that there are things that happen that you can’t control… You have to stay true to your course…you are grieving what you have done to Terri. That is good—remember that; it will be important for learning restraint from the lure of the more evil uses of your channels… BUT, remember that you have also helped this girl, too… Stay patient with me…I will teach you… When you are ready…we can look for others that are candidates…we can make a difference…but you have to grow first. Helping people like Terri through their struggles is one of the best lessons that you can begin with…along with the ballet and yoga…” She smiles wanly and sits back quietly awaiting my reaction…

I remove my makeup and moisturize like I had been shown. I slip on a silk nighty that Mom had given me and marvel at the growing breasts pertly bumping out…complete with ‘headlights’ in the cool air of my room. I smile and slip under the covers.

It doesn’t take my long to fall asleep, but I have strange dreams…of becoming…well, I don’t know… I am a woman, but not. I am guy, but not. I am beautiful…every woman’s dream…every guy’s wet dream… Somehow, it doesn’t feel wrong, though… Finally, the dreams fade and I fall into a deep dreamless sleep…

I look at M.S.—still in deep shock. Emily is holding my hand—as shocked as I am. Shauna is sitting there a bit pale, but not really shocked. I look at her and ask, not quite in an accusatory tone, “You knew about…this…; about me?” Shauna shakes her head and M.S. says, “No, Joy. Shauna’s family is the driving force behind a certain…order… But, not everyone in the family is fully indoctrinated—and those that are have to be of a certain age. I have broken one of their rules to bring her in on this. I will talk with her father later. Now I assume you have some questions. I will answer a few tonight, then I want you to sleep on what you have learned. The choice is yours what you do with your power…I certainly went for…years…without using mine.” She sits back again…quiet.

I look at Emily, still holding my hand, and smile. I give Shauna a comforting look—to let her know I am not mad at her. Then I look back at M.S. and say, “To say I have questions is likely the understatement of the past millennium! You have given me some answers to questions I didn’t even know I had…and raised a thousand more. Where do I start? So, you have ‘opened’ my…’channels’ and that is how this works… Does everyone have these channels…? I just thought that you had infused me with energy…did I open channels in Terri when I healed her?”

M.S. asks Shauna to order us something to eat… As she goes to order pizza, M.S. makes more tea and says as she tinkers with the pot, “No, you did not open any channels in Terri. Only certain people have that capability. In olden times, we were called witches…I guess people today would still call us that… I don’t like the term…especially because of where I came from, but for simplicity’s sake, let’s use that term for now… So the old myths about witches are basically true… Most witches have elemental powers; in other words, they can channel elemental energy: Earth, wind, fire, or water. Some special ones can channel more than one type of energy. A few really special ones can channel all four…those are the healers. I am one of those. And so…” “…am I,” I finish. M.S. nods and says, “It takes a lot of energy and quite some skill to open a person’s closed channels. Most people have channels. Some are even born with open ones, but they are usually not very good conduits…which is the term I prefer over witch… Anyway, Terri does not have the potential to be a good conduit. Neither does Shauna or Emily before you ask. Sorry, girls.”

I sit back and blow out my air in frustration. I ask, “OK, so this ‘Victor’ dude? You said he turned…evil…but you don’t think I will…at least without nurturing or something?” M.S. looks at me hard and says, “Just as the myths about the elemental powers are true, so are the ones about good and evil. The energy itself is neither good nor bad. The conduit’s intentions when using it are, however. Everyone has both good and evil in them. Anytime that you use your channels for good, that temporarily weakens your shields protecting you from your evil side…the ‘dark side’, if you will. That is why you feel tired when you are done. The difference between say me and Victor is that I…’ground’ my evil side before using my channels for good. I let the energy flow for good…the side of me that wants to use my channels for evil is drained of energy through that ‘ground’. For Victor, it is the opposite… By the way, it is easier to ground the good side than the evil one…that means that it is inherently easier to use your channels for evil than good. Also, the more you use your channels for bad, the more you burn out your capability to ground the bad side. At some point, you can’t anymore…you are for all intents and purposes stuck in ‘evil’ mode…”

She waits for Shauna to go pay for the pizza that was delivered. Then she continues as we help ourselves to the hot, gooey, goodness, “Victor was not inherently evil. He fell into the hands of some people that coaxed him into burning out his capability to ground his bad side…while brainwashing him into doing bad things… Now, I am not sure that there is much good left in him. If all of this sounds like I am talking about Darth Vader, or something, I assure you I am not. Make no mistake—Victor is not your Father and he is consumed with evil. You have very strong shields and inherently strong grounding capabilities…on either side…if you ever lost your ability to ground your bad side…it would leave you with immense channels that could only serve your evil side. That would either literally drive you insane—or turn you…”

M.S. refuses to answer any more questions for tonight. We finish our pizza and clean up. I go home and get ready for bed…lost in deep thought about what I had just heard. I fall into a restless sleep and dream about a ‘Yoda’ that looks suspiciously like M.S. She takes me to the same cave that Luke had gone into to fight Darth Vader… I wake up just before Vader’s mask disappears to reveal who it is… My heart is pounding and there is no way I am falling back to sleep. I sigh and get up to read up on ‘witches’ on the internet…