“You want what?!?!” Mom asks with a shocked look on her face. My first week is up at the store and this is my first day off. Christi wants to go on a date at the mall and then spend some time at her house—she also has convinced me that I need to get my ears pierced. I look at Mom and say, “I know it sounds strange. But lots of guys get their ears pierced now. And…well…you sort of were pushing me on Christi…” She says, “Don’t put this on me, young man. First, you get your hair cut like that. Then you get your brows shaped. Neither overtly feminine, but not really masculine, either. Now you want me to sign a permission slip to get your ears pierced?” She shakes her head…

I don’t let Mom know at that point, that I have come to really like wearing my girl’s panties… Actually, I prefer all of the girl’s clothes to my own—at least the way they feel. My normal boy’s stuff itches me when I wear it now… She looks at me and says, “You are sure you want to do this? I know I said that if you did well at work that I would give you more leeway into how you look, but I didn’t really have this in mind… Cheryl tells me you are doing really well, so…” She blows out a lung full of air and then says, “I guess so. You will have to use your own money, though. Do you have enough?” I look at her and say, “Yes, more than enough. Thank you, Mom!” She hands me the signed permission slip and I hurry upstairs.

I am sitting in M.S.’s office giving her a mini version of the Spanish Inquisition, “What did Eileen mean that you had spent a lot of time on one of her mats? And…she said something about you ‘currently’ being Catholic. And what is with Madam Rose’s bun? Can you get any more uptight than that woman?” M.S. laughs and says, “Goodness, Child. One question at a time! Yes, I go to the yoga studio at least once a week. It is good to stretch out and unwind. It is also a great place to meditate. As for ‘currently’ being Catholic. I have told you about some of my past. Before the Church ‘brought’ me into their fold—to ‘protect’ me; I was a practicing Wiccan. Deep down, I still hold a lot of those beliefs—and the Church knows it. I just don’t let them out to play much anymore. As for Rose, well, her type of discipline will be good for you once you start to understand your energies better.”

She gets up and pours us some tea before sitting down and pricking her finger. She hold it out to me and picks up her cup of tea with the other hand. Smiling and blowing on the hot liquid, she takes a careful sip and patiently waits…

I quickly take a shower and use the moisturizing body wash that Mom had gotten me. I towel off and put on a clean pair of panties…it just happens to be the ones with lace that Amanda had gotten me at VS. I also put on a camisole—I have become addicted to the feel of the silky coolness against my skin. I just towel my hair and leave it damp… I put on a pair of my scratchy jeans and a polo shirt—after putting on my deodorant. I smell the vanilla scent wafting up as I lift my arms to get the shirt on. I shake my head, I used to think this shirt was really soft…

Mom drops me off at Cindy’s salon, then takes off to take care of some other errands. I go inside and Cindy washes and styles my hair. She doesn’t really need to cut much after just a week, but she does snip a little here and razor a little there… The vitamins that Mom got me for my nails supposedly are for hair, too. Cindy says that my hair will likely start growing a little faster now that they are in my system.

She looks at my nails and says they still are fine. She does take the clear coat off of my fingers and then does something to fix the little gap at the base of nails, where they had grown and the acrylic ones that are glued on show. Like my hair, she says they will likely start growing a bit faster with the vitamins. She asks if I want her to file them back to the original length. I shake my head, no. I have decided to be a bit more ‘daring’—just to show Christi I can be… It is not like they are really a girl’s length yet, or anything…just maybe a sixteenth of an inch longer than last week.

After she finishes putting the top coat back on my fingernails and pronouncing my toes fine, I pay her. Mom is just pulling back up when I exit the salon. She looks at me and shakes her head as she says, “I see you decided to keep it long. I had hoped you had changed your mind… I guess that means that you still want to go through with the ears, then?” I nod my head and say, “Yes, Mom. Christi is going to meet us at Claire’s at the mall in about twenty minutes—she just texted me.”

I take a deep breath and concentrate just on that action for a moment. It is strange how my mind begins to clear—and that after just one session with Eileen. I take M.S.’s hand and carefully fold it into mine and pull it close to my heart. I close my eyes and breathe slowly and evenly and try to find my center. I notice that inner glow again from yesterday and feel a slight tingling in my hands. I open my eyes in surprise and let go of her hand. The pin prick is gone…

Mom goes to Claire’s with me to attest that she has given her permission. Christi comes up to the store at the same we do, but from a different direction. Mom greets her and we go inside. I hand the permission slip to the girl and Mom affirms that she has signed it. The girl, Emily, takes me back to a stool and has me sit on it. She then shows me the starter studs that I can choose from. She points to some really sparkly cubic zirconia ones and says, “These are actually on sale. You can get them for half price. Or you can get two sets for the price of one.” Christi smiles and says, “These are perfect, Terri! They would look great on you on you. Ms. K. can Terri get a double pierce? That would look so cool! Mine are triple-pierced and I love it.” She pulls back her long hair to demonstrate and continues, “Terri—now THAT would be daring!”

Mom shakes her head and says, “They are Terry’s ears and I promised I would not interfere. Terry, just remember, you have to live with the consequences. School will be starting up soon and these won’t likely be healed enough to not wear any studs in them without closing up by then. Are you prepared to wear not only earrings, but two earrings in each ear?” I feel a little run over by this whole thing—sort of like a Mac truck had come through the store and I was in its path. I had not even mentioned a double-pierce, let alone thought about one. What do I do now? Christi is pushing me more and more to be ‘daring’… I look at Christi, obviously intent on my doing it and say, “I will go with the double-pierce. Thanks, Mom…” I am SO going to regret this, I just know it…

Mom just shakes her head and says, “Like I said, they are your ears, Terry. I am going now. Cheryl will drive you two home with her in two hours. Just give me a call when you are ready to come home and I will come pick you up.” And she takes off as Emily loads the piercing gun. First Emily cleans my ears with alcohol and then makes some marks with a Sharpie. Christi shakes her head and Emily wipes them off with some more alcohol. Christi points and Emily makes new marks. Christi nods and Emily shows me the marks. They look even to me, but what do I know? How am I supposed to know that a girl’s studs are usually placed closer to the edge of the ear than a boy’s to allow for wearing more petite, dangly earrings. Boys usually want to wear larger studs, so the hole is typically placed more in the middle of the lobe. The second set of marks that Christi approved is really close to the edge of my ear—like hers… I just say, “I trust you and Christi. If you think they are where they need to be, then let’s do this before I change my mind.”

Four clicks later—there was surprisingly no pain at all—Emily is putting the backs on the studs and cleaning up the trickles of blood with some special antiseptic. She shows me how to turn the studs and how to use the antiseptic. I pay and Christi and I leave. On our way out, she stops at one of the racks of earrings—all dangly and sparkly—and says, “I can’t wait until your holes are healed up and we can shop for pretty new earrings together.” She takes my hand and leads me out. I feel a little weird about the way she said that, but follow her without comment.

I smile at M.S. She hugs me and says, “Congratulations, Child. Your first healing—well, other than your own transitional one. This is but the beginning, though. You must keep up your yoga and the ballet. I can feel your energies strengthening and you must learn to control them. You have been very fertile ground for them—I believe they may well be stronger in you than they ever were in me…”

Christi and I walk around the mall and go into the big music store to browse around. She seems a little distant, though. Finally, after we are done at the music store, I walk with her to the food court where we get a drink and sit at one of the tables. I can’t stand it anymore, so I ask, “Christi…is something wrong? You seem…well…distant today, like you don’t want to be with me. Did I do something?” She takes my hands in hers and says, “No, Terri. It is just…well…like I told you…I am not into…normal guys… I prefer you in your girl’s clothes. I would prefer you even more if those that you wear were even more girly. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want a fru-fru gay guy. Not that there is anything wrong with them. I just want a guy that is confidant enough to be feminine. When I saw you last week with your hair in that cute style and your nails fixed up…and in NYC’s finest dress clothes…it made my heart sing. Walking around with you in those boy jeans and that shirt is kind of turning me off… It is not your fault; I just like the way you look better the other way…”

I sigh and sit there quietly for a few minutes. Finally, I say, “Christi. I wondered why you liked me all of a sudden after never giving me the time of day before. I am still me, no matter what I wear, though. I don’t know that I could ever be ‘daring’ enough, as you say, to dress up really like a girl. I am not really all that brave. Getting my ears pierced today nearly gave me a heart attack. Thinking about what everyone is going to say when I go back to school with two…” I let the sentence trail off. I take another breath after a short pause and say, “I have a confession, though. I LIKE the way the girl’s clothes feel. I wish I could wear them all the time—so that no one knew.” I get a small voice and say, “I am wearing a pair of my girl’s panties and a camisole right now. I haven’t worn boy’s underwear all week…”

M.S. pours us another cup of tea and says, “So, you are starting to connect with your center and your energy flow. You say you feel a ‘glow’. That is good. You need to continue practicing connecting with that ‘glow’…you have not quite made the full connection yet…you will know when you do; trust me. When you make that connection…your perceptions of the world will change with it…”

Christi and I finish our drink as we discuss the merits of girls’ clothes versus boys’. She, of course, is all about the looks—where I am all about the feel… She checks her watch and says, “We should go to the store. Mom will be ready to leave pretty soon and I want to check something, first.”

We go up to NYC and walk in. Amanda is there greeting people and is shocked to see my ears. She gives me a hug and says I look great. Christi whispers something in her ear and Amanda nods, thoughtfully. Then Amanda says, “Well, Terry—I think we can find some cheap jeans and tops that, with your discount, won’t set you back much. I know Ms. M. will let you get them on credit. So, you like the feel of girl’s clothes?”

I give Christi a look that could kill. Amanda says, “Don’t blame Christi, Hon. I have noticed how you act in girl’s clothes…and how you act in boy’s—like right now. Come on. Let’s see what we can find that is on sale or on clearance.” Several minutes later, I have a pile of jeans that are passable for a guy. I draw the line at the leggings they try to get me to get. There is also a pile of the company’s ‘Mercer soft shirts’ in various patterns and styles, including the cropped ones. The price is just too good. This will take up my entire next paycheck, but it is worth it to have some nice clothes to wear outside of work.

Ms. M. comes out and is surprised to see my ears, as well. She approves the credit and says she will deduct the clothes from my next check. I pick up the bags and Ms. M. leads us to her car in the mall’s garage. On the way home, she says, “I am sorry, but I am going to have to come back to work for a couple of hours. I need to finish up an issue with the inventory and the next order. I am sure you two will be fine. I will bring supper home with me when I come.” She drops us off in their driveway and pulls off after Christi gets the door open and we are inside.

I drop my bags on the floor and take off my sneakers so I don’t get anything on their really soft white carpet. Christi tells me that her dad is on a business trip—so we will be alone until her mom gets back. She says, “Come on. Bring your bags up to my room and you can model your new clothes for me.” I blush but grab the bags and say on the way up the stairs, “You do know that modeling clothes isn’t really a guy thing, right?” She giggles and says, “So…pretend like you are a girl for a bit…” Again, I am not sure if she is joking, or not—so I don’t respond and just follow her to her room.