I have posted a revised and greatly expanded the story of The Transformation of Lady James on top of the old one. If anyone wants to see and tell me if it is better I would like it very much
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Comments
A definite improvement!
This is a definite improvement as a story on your first version. Though there are still a few historical inaccuracies, these can be explained as this being an alternate history.
There is one little plot discrepancy. At the beginning you still have 'her' waiting (apparently in the present) for 'her' husband, yet later we learn that the husband has been killed, and 'she' ends up on board a ship attacking the Armada. I do think this needs to be fixed.
But overall this version is more interesting and enjoyable! Hope you stick with it!
kandijayne
Thats fixed
I forgot to change the header when I pasted the new story in the body, I didnt think about changing the header. That has been corrected thanks for pointing that out
I tried to keep it as accurate as I could
What innacuracies were there? I tried my best to keep everything historically accurate.
Someone even suggested making James become like a warrior princess that takes the crown from Mary in the end. I thought it was silly, we all know Elizabeth takes the crown after Mary. I did make James a warrior in the end and I made him work behind the scenes to set Elizabeth to get the crown. Then I have him defeating the Spanish armada.
Yeah, that last bit is fine
But principally:
1.You still have Lady Jane as Queen Mary's sister. As I mentioned in the review, she was only a cousin. If she had been a sister she would probably have had more support.
2. I don't think she was crowned (though I stand to be corrected on that one). Indeed she was only queen for 9 days, so there wouldn't have been time to organise a proper coronation.
But don't worry too much about it. Alternate history covers up a lot. That you've improved the story as a story is the main thing!
kandijayne
An advantage of BCTS
I have taken advantage of being able to tweek my stories, cleaning up my mistakes and gaffs. I have learned that with my being a new-by writer I really need to look at my works as always in progress.
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Michele
With those with open eyes the world reads like a book