Somehow today I got to going over in my mind the saga that h

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Somehow, today I got to going over the saga that has been my T life.

Like many, I started out in denial. Expressing my feminine nature, by wearing women's (girl's) clothes was just something I did as a hobby. A pleasurable pastime when I was home alone and bored. Of course I was sure that once I was married, the whole thing would just disappear, evaporate in the presence of my wife. She would provide all the feminine in my life that I could ever need. Not!

I can remember in my early twenties guys were just being hit with the need for shampoo that was good for the hair. I saw that as being froufrou and "unmanly." I can remember thinking, as I grabbed my bar of Ivory soap to wash my hair, "I'm not like those wussy guys who use that froufrou shampoo." Patricia was a part of me that didn't even have a name and was locked away and only visited during times of boredom.

It wasn't until my wife caught me fully dressed that I could confront myself with the fact that, try as would, it wasn't going away. As we talked about it that realization came to me in a rare moment of clarity and I told her that; her reaction was to tell me, "Do it if you must, but don't let me see it."
Over the years, that attitude was tempered a little at a time. Today, I'm in women's clothes almost exclusively, with the glaring exception of work where I wear a uniform issued by the company. Even then, my underwear is lingerie complete with bra and breast forms. At work, I settle for a small A cup, but elsewhere, it's a large C. Mind you, at church and other family functions, the clothes are really butch, (still with the large C) though they are feminine enough that the perceptive observe can tell and a few have.

When I first started going out en femme, my wife insisted that I only leave the house after dark and never do anything near home. Since then, she's grown accustom to my wandering in and out of the house any time of day or night. Also she's accepted that I do my banking and shopping at both the local Safeway and Bi-mart en femme as well as going to my doctors as me (en femme).

My wife only works one day a week. On Friday she cleans our church and I drop her off and pick her up before and after work. As an accommodation to her working all day we generally pick up some fast food on the way home. This last Friday, she informed me as I dropped her off that she needed brown sugar because she and my oldest daughter wanted to bake cookies Saturday and as a result she thought we should get a Shanghai Dinner at Safeway so I could pick up the brown sugar while I was there. As I picked her up, she asked me if I wouldn't like to go home first, instead of stopping on the way, and change clothes before I went to the store, knowing full well it would be women's clothes and that I'd brush my hair back and add a barrette to it and wear lipstick and mascara.

Of course I took her up on her offer. So you see, she's gone from "Do it if you must, but don't let me see it," and, "Only go out after dark" to "Wouldn't you like to get dressed en femme and go shopping before dinner?" :o)

This whole line of thinking was started by the fact that I've quite wearing trouser socks at church and started wearing jet black pantyhose and today jet black knee-highs. This is remarkable because she used to object to my wearing knee-highs even at night and wearing real men's clothes otherwise, when I wouldn't even be getting out of the car.

Comments

Just remember one thing

It is not by the clothes we wear, the toys we preferred as children, the color we like or movies we like that makes us female. Being female has no requirements or boxes to check, just need to identify as female and you are. You dont' have to wear girly dresses, or do your nails, or watch sappy romance movies. You just have to be the best woman you can be, regardless of what anyone else thinks.

Be the kind of female that makes YOU happy and screw what anyone else or anything wants :D

I know who I am, I am me, and I like me ^^
Transgender, Gamer, Little, Princess, Therian and proud :D

I'm curious

Patricia Marie Allen's picture

You seem to be bent on commenting on my blogs with the user name of "Guest Reader" which gives the impression that you aren't registered at all. Your profile indicates you have been a member for 3 years 24 weeks.

Why did you choose to use the user name, "Guest Reader" ???

You also seem to be fixated on the fact that I identify as a feminine man, which is not quite accurate. I identify as a feminine male, as I don't consider myself as manly in any way.

I also don't know why you felt the need to point that out, considering that the only way you'd know that is by reading my blog and anyone reading your comment obviously reads my blog as well.

Perhaps you'd like to tell us how you identify? Or perhaps what your genetic sex is? I've made no secret of mine on either account.

Frankly, if you can't tell, I'm offended by your comment... though I can't charge you with libel since you've only stated the obvious truth. However, by just stating it, you imply that I've concealed some vital information.

Also, I take offense that you state that, "Patricia identifies feminine clothing with femininity." That is not true. Wearing feminine clothing is an expression of my femininity. Being genetically male in no way detracts from my feminine nature. If it did then no trans-woman could be feminine, since no surgery can change genetics.

Hugs
Patricia

Happiness is being all dressed up and HAVING some place to go.
Semper in femineo gerunt
Ich bin eine Mann

agreed

I can see why the reply offended you. It didn't strike me as even neutrally informational either.

Re: Guest Reader

The profile for "Guest Reader" can be dismissed. "Guest Reader" is a catch all log-in set up by Erin for people that don't have an account, so they can make a comment on a story. It has been misused before and is being misused again. Erin is only trying to help get more feedback from the casual person that might randomly come across BC and wants to make a comment before moving on.

Most people that return multiple times end up registering, but not all. Erin's intentions are good, she is trying to get feedback from readers that would otherwise have no way to comment. But short of restricting comments to properly-registered members, there is really no fool-proof way to allow comments to be posted from nonmembers without leaving the chance for deliberate miss-use in there.

Hope that made some sense!?

Damaged people are dangerous
They know they can survive

You might think you are a psychological big gun

The psych folk I know of have their own internal struggles, some never to be reconciled. So, why is it that you feel obligated to comment on and tear at in a condescending manner another human being?

You sit there in your cloak of anonymity and cowardice.

Gwendolyn

you're very lucky

its pretty rare for a crossdresser to have an understanding spouse.

DogSig.png

Just be thankful

For many of us, exposure is like being at ground zero of a thermonuclear explosion. Everything was destroyed for me.

Today, I am extremely happy and my feminine self is much more credible than my male portrayal ever was. It is me. It is natural.

The family is gone, completely gone, and that is the only heart ache in my life.