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I wish I could die. I lack whatever drives people to do that, but i wish I could.
Yesterday mom found out that my dirty little secret wasnt only known by her and I. She let loose this morning "It was bad enough when no one knew but it'll be all over town by now. ". This from the same woman who said "youre not a male you are my daughter".
I feel like the past 8 years shes been supporting me has been a lie. I am in pain; my chest physically hurts.
She went on to say [a friend of hers she thought didnt know] Sharon said yesterday that I should just put on my pants with the fly in front and just face reality!!! Since we were driving over to help Sharon move... I asked Sharon. She said she had no issues with me. She knows others like me. I explained that i didnt know what to think as my mother lies. I cried as I told how two lesbian friends of my mother adopted two physically disabled girls about 5 years old. I was playing with them and helping them tie their sandals on. My mother told me that I wasnt to go near the girls as her friends had thought I was a sex offender.
I am burried in cascading waves of sadness. I wish i could die.
My life is in tatters. Financially i am deep in debt. Socially im a hermit
53 years old this year and still a virgin. My sex drive is off the scale. I cry a lot
"F" this. Dayna
Comments
Sadness....
My heart literally aches for your sadness. You are in my heart and my prayers.
Love, Andrea Lena
It is a shame that your
It is a shame that your mother only lives up to it in name only. Please talk here before you do anything rash. Me, personally would not believe anything that came out of your mother's mouth without checking up with the others.
We wounded
Doves tend to expect the worst, but like others have said I would not rely on her words nor what she has told others. Talk to them yourself and explain if you have to. The only way to fight ignorance and hate are through information and education.
The way she has lashed out at you shows only her insecurities and fears. You know who you are inside, smile and let the world know it to.
The biggest and most gentle of hugs to you!
Grover
Please don't do anything irrevocable
This problem will eventually pass, they always do. Meanwhile it looks like developing some sort of social life away from your mother might prove useful; she sounds a part of the problem.
Angharad
sending a soothing huggle your way
I'm so sorry hon.
Try and remember you are loved, you are precious.
Just as you are.
Seek Help
Dyna,
I've felt that way (wanting to die) so many times It's a miracle I'm still alive.
Like the vast majority of the transgendered I've felt rejection from family and friends. You are NOT alone. People care about you. Some of those people may become your surrogate family.
For years I bottled my feelings up, locked it away, did everything I could to deny it.
It never worked. Eventually, I sought out help. In the very strongest terms possible I believe you need to find a therapist or counselor you can talk to. It helps. It really helps. You could call the GLBT Hotline, 1-888-843-4564.
If the feelings of harming yourself feel like they are about to overwhelm you, call your local suicide hotline, or the national hotline, 1-800-273-8255 If you need someone to just talk to, leave me a note and I'll send you a cell phone number you can reach me at.
PLEASE, do NOT treat this lightly. It is easy to spiral down deeper into depression. Get help. CALL SOMEONE.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Hugs, love, and Blessings,
Beth