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Death’s Own Daughter
At 97 JJ Owens thought he would take one last trip to pay his respects to fallen comrades’. He didn’t see that the fates had other plains.
Death’s Own Daughter can now be found in an ebook format. I know that a lot of my readers have supported me here at Big Closet and I want to thank you all. You can find all of books at https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_2?url=search-alias%3...
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This story is 83 words long.
Comments
this looks really cool
can't wait for more
thanks
Thank you I'm working on the next chapter now
Stay tune more to come SAME BAT TIME SAME BAT CHANEL
May the peace and happiness of the Goddess keep and protect you
as always your humble outlaw
Jessie Wolf
Chanel?
I always imagined the Bat as more of the Estee Lauder type.
Melanie E.
Have you seen
Have you seen what they have done to Bruce Wayne lately !!! It's criminal I tell you absolutely criminal. That's why it's channel. M dear reader.
May the peace and happiness of the Goddess keep and protect you
as always your humble outlaw
Jessie Wolf
A Good Start
Good interesting start to a story.
I'm looking forward to the next installment.
Amazing
Amazing and creative story! I look forward to many enjoyable chapters.
Thanks,
Larimus
Great story Looking forward
Great story
Looking forward to more.
https://mewswithaview.wordpress.com/
sorry double entry
sorry double entry
https://mewswithaview.wordpress.com/
hmmmm
Interesting story, interesting concept, but......
Now that that is said here come the real comments. I don't really know if you are an English speaker as a first language or not but I nearly gave up reading this before the first paragraph was completely read. Why? because the usage of the English language was butchered beyond the point of any rhyme or reason. You need to make full use of an editor and not rely on the one that comes with your word processor since it will get an F in my book if you did use one. I spent the whole time reading trying to decipher what it was you were trying to say in comparison to what you did say.
For example:
INTERCEP CORSE - huh???? Maybe INTERCEPT COARSE MIGHT WORK BETTER....
ATMOSTFEAR ENTERTRY - Trying to read that through the first time nearly nearly popped a cork in my brain. Why would it? Because an ATMOSPHERE ENTRY might work along with what you were trying to say. And these are just the tip of the iceberg. My comments could have used as much space as your whole story chapter did.
I could go on forever and slam everything about the story except the plot. I am very critical with what I read. I am a sci-fi fanatic from the early days and this caught my eye but the wordage nearly blew it for me. I stuck with it and suffered while doing so.
Final comment: Why use bold, capitalized text? Don't you know you are screaming out loudly by doing so? It is a sign you are trying to get a point across but all it does is hurt the eyes.
I couldn't spare my 2 cents here. I had to give the full dollar treatment.
Jerrie
Interesting premise
I'm going to agree with everything you said, Jerrie526.
The story looks like it can go in very interesting directions, but there is no level of interest that'll make me continue reading it without the text getting some heavy editorial help.
Right now it looks as if everything was typed using a cellphone...a teeny, tiny cellphone that's hard to type on, with a 100-word dictionary and with auto-correction on.
Also, to the writer - please don't use "yes" to affirm negative questions. I'm used to it in Japanese, but catching when that is done in any other languages is headache-inducing.
thank you
Thank you for your feedback I am sorry for the msispelled words missused word and syntext mistakes. Though I have been in the U.S. a number of yrs now I still have problems with English as it is not my first langue. I hope that you will continue to fallow my writting and givening me your honest oppenion of it as your feedback will help me in both my private and professinal writting skills.
May the peace and happiness of the Goddess keep and protect you
as always your humble outlaw
Jessie Wolf
The only way to learn is by
The only way to learn is by feed back and honest feed back never hurts, I too almost gave up on the story, but it was so interesting I kept going. English even for English speaking natives isn't easy, as others have pointed out. Keep up the good work, and I really want to see more of this story :)
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Oh, then you have to write
Oh, then you have to write more, and more, and more! (echo going off in the distance)
But you also have to find a beta-reader. Both the language and the readers will thank you for that ;-)
Spelling check
I loved the story, I loved the creativity.
Initially I had the same reaction as most, finding it difficult to read. Then I realized that a lot of words were misspelled in a consistent manner, e.g. will instead of well, intellegance instead of intelligence. That gave me the impression that you mangled the spelling on purpose in order to simulate how the language would evolve.
I cannot tell if it is bad spelling or an attempt to simulate how the English language would be spoken at some point in the future, but it did slow down my reading considerably.
Having said that, the story was sufficiently compelling to make me continue reading despite my slow reading pace.
Actually
"Intercept course" is the phrase. "Intercept vector" is also a possibility due to vector applying more for flight conditions versus wet navy ship navigation.
So, yeah English is hard, even for native speakers. ;-)
-- Sleethr
Grammar trap.
*edit... What Sleethr said. ;-)
Sorry Jerrie, but you also used the wrong word
Well...actually, it should be 'course', (a route) not 'coarse' (rough). One of the dangers of correcting other peoples mistakes, is the mistakes we make while doing so.
Dance the dream you're in
Very interesting
I got a nice Cobra and Black Collar jives from this, but the story was all yours. I'm very curious where you're taking this. More please?
Hugs
Grover
Dear Wolf
I had a lot of fun with your creative spelling! I half thought you were doing it as some kind of a pun game. I liked the section near the beginning where you used 'will' for well, will and while (if I guess correctly). I'm not kidding (no, I don't mean having baby goats)! Usually, your English spelling and grammar were quite good; in contrast, your mistakes were so far off that they made me laugh.
I like Sci-Fi muchly, also. Thank you for an enjoyable read.
Hugs and Bright Blessings,
Renee
Rule # 1 Be Nice
I agree with to spell check errors but it is a great start to a story and a new author is always a good thing , everybody has a good thing to say so all is good I would like to see parts 2 and beyond HUGS :-) Richie2
Good story
I enjoyed this, although, as others have said, the spelling leaves a lot to be desired. I appreciate that you have problems with English. Maybe an editor(person/computer program) would help, being able to correct the spelling and grammar. It really is a great story plot and I look forward to the next chapter.
Joanna
Hot start
This is a really interesting path for a story to follow. It' great and I am looking forward to more, much more.
I am fairly new to writing here my self but my wet ware didn't skip a beat from beginning to end I will give it a better look over tomorrow but honestly I thought the spelling was an effect of the chopped way military, professional, and AI equipment communicates.
Yes being proper with your English usage is an very important goal as it will bring in many more readers. But to get past, just doing it ,just getting it out, and up is more important. Experience and the advice of other board members, will polish the rough edges away.
I think you have a gift for story telling, and I enjoy your style.
Huggles
Michele
With those with open eyes the world reads like a book
SciFi goodness
What a great start, I look forward to catching up to the rest of the story.
-Elsbeth
Is fearr Gaeilge briste, ná Béarla clíste.
Broken Irish is better than clever English.
What happened to book 1 on
What happened to book 1 on Amazon? I hope you get it back to them soon.
Apparently
If there are significant complaints about format and typographical errors from purchasers Amazon will pull the book and ask that it be corrected and then resubmitted.
Commentator
Visit my Caption Blog: Dawn's Girly Site
Visit my Amazon Page: D R Jehs
ETA for purchasing?
I really want to start re-reading your story but it is currently still unavailable. I was wondering if there is a rough ETA when it might become available again?
DD Saga
It would be nice if they were available as ebooks on Amazon
So much to read, so little time and only one of me :)
The English Teacher
Please update it on Amazon
This Book was so often recommend I wish I had the change to read it.
Unfortunately, 3 of the bookks cannot be purchased
as they are listed as "Under Review" by Amazon.
Kate
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes." William Gibson
Deaths own daughter
Is there anywhere I can get Death's Own Daughter? I really want to read this series again. I'm missing books 1, 4, and 5. Unfortunately I didn't purchase them back in the day.