Transgendered Fairy Tales
by Kaleigh Way

Long ago, there was a farmer in the Punjab who had suffered much at the hands of a money-lender. Good harvest or bad, the farmer always ended up poor and the money-lender rich. At last when the farmer hadn't a penny left, he went to the money-lender's house and said, "You've gotten all you can from me now. As they say, you can't squeeze blood from a stone, so you might as well tell me the secret of becoming rich. It's the only way I could ever pay you what I owe."

"My friend," returned the money-lender piously, "riches come from the god Rama — ask him."

"Thank you, I will!" replied the simple farmer. He went home and cooked three griddle-cakes to last him on the journey, and set off to find Rama.

First he met a Brahmin, to whom he gave a cake, asking him to point out the road to Rama. The Brahmin only took the cake and went on his way without a word. Next the farmer met a yogi, and to him he gave a cake, without receiving any help in return. At last he came to a poor man sitting under a tree. When he found that the fellow was hungry, the kind farmer gave him his last cake, and sat down to rest and to chat.

After a while, the poor man asked, "Where are you going?"

"Oh, I'm at the start of a long journey. I'm off to find Rama," the farmer replied. "I don't suppose you could tell me which way to go?"

"I think I can," the poor man said, smiling, "for I am Rama! What is it that you want of me?"

The farmer told him the whole story. Rama took pity on him, so he gave him a conch shell and showed him a very odd way to blow it. "Remember! All you need to do is blow the conch that way, and you'll have whatever you wish for. Only keep your eye out for that money-lender, for not even magic can protect you from his tricks!"

The farmer went back home a happy man. The money-lender noticed his good spirits at once, and said to himself, "Some good fortune must have come that idiot's way, or he wouldn't hold his head so high." So he went over to the farmer's house and congratulated him on his good fortune. He spoke in a clever way that made it seem as though he'd heard all about it, and before long the farmer found himself telling the whole story — except for the part about how to blow the conch. As simple as he was, the farmer was not such a fool as to tell that.

The money-lender decided that he ought to have the conch himself, and the easiest way to do that was to steal it, first chance he got.

Well, the money-lender nearly burst his lungs and exploded himself, blowing that thing every way he could think of. After he'd fainted three times from blowing too hard, he gave it up as a bad job. However, he was too greedy and too clever to stop there, so he went back to the farmer and said, "Look here, my friend. I've got the conch, but I can't use it. You don't have it, so you can't use it either. Let's make a bargain. I'll give you back the conch and never interfere with your using it, on one condition: whatever you get from it, I get double."

"Forget it!" the farmer said. "Never! That would be the bad old business all over again!"

"Not at all!" the money-lender replied. "You'll get your share! Come on now, don't be a dog in the manger! Don't be a stick in the mud! You can have all you want! What do you care if I'm rich or poor?"

At last, even though it went sorely against the grain to give any benefit to the money-lender, the farmer was forced to yield. From that time, no matter what he gained through the power of the conch, the money-lender gained double. And that fact just ate away at the farmer's mind day and night, until he had no satisfaction from the things he did get.

After a time, there came a very dry season, and the farmer's crops were about to wither for lack of rain. So he blew on the conch and wished for a well to water them, and paff! there was his well. But the money-lender had two!

The farmer became so frustrated and angry that he accidentally chopped off his big toe with a farm tool. He quickly grabbed the conch, wished for a brand new big toe, and blew. There it was! Good as new. He quietly went on with his work, until the money-lender appeared, barefoot, holding a shoe in each hand.

"Look at my feet!" The man shouted. "Look at them!" So the farmer looked. There, on each of the money lender's feet were two big toes: the ones he was born with, and two brand new ones, given by the conch, making four big toes in all. "I can't wear my shoes any more! It's ridiculous! I had to cut these shoes apart just to get them off! How am I supposed to get around with feet like these!"

The farmer could hardly stand for laughing. The money-lender grew angry and angrier still. He would have smashed the conch to atoms, except that he knew it was his only hope to ever have normal feet again. At first the farmer said that it served the money-lender right; that this was his pay for being so greedy. In the end, however, the money-lender convinced him to wish the extra toes away and blow the conch again, but it didn't work. The farmer tried three times with all his heart, but there was nothing to be done. The money-lender had to make his way home with his extra toes intact.

Before he left, in spite of his promise to never interfere with the farmer's wishes, the money-lender told him, "Be careful with your wishing! Remember that whatever you wish comes double to me!"

As amused and pleased as the farmer was by the business of the extra toes, he was not a cruel man, so he didn't lie awake thinking of ways to torture the money-lender, as much as the man deserved it.

What occupied the farmer's mind was something else entirely: before today he had only wished for things: gold to pay his debts, seeds to plant, clothes to wear, animals for the farm... He had never before wished to change himself, but now that he knew he could, he began to consider new possibilities. He could fix his broken nose! He could mend the place where his arm had never healed right. He could become young, handsome, and strong. He could live far away, where nobody knew him, and start a new life over, from the beginning.

The farmer spent the next days dreaming, wondering what wishes he could make. The money-lender was far from his thoughts, although the money-lender spent those same days studying his foot, wondering what sort of wish could set it straight. He'd also begun to worry that now the farmer might take out his revenge by wishing all sorts of strange things that would be fine by themselves, but terrible in pairs. He'd never been a man to worry, but now he was terrified of what the farmer's future wishes could bring.

One night, as he lay awake thinking about the problem, it occurred to him that it might be best to break his bargain with the farmer, and leave the farmer's wishes to the farmer. He would cut his losses before they got any worse. Sure, he might have two extra toes for the rest of his life, but that was nothing compared to... well, whatever the farmer might dream up!

However, a moment later, the money-lender's greed got the better of him. He wouldn't be able to stand seeing the farmer getting rich if he wasn't getting richer at the same time! There was no way he would ever break his bargain with the farmer!

About the same time, the farmer had finally worked out what he wanted. He knew that once he made his wish, something would happen to the money-lender, but he wasn't sure what. Still, no one had forced the money-lender to tie his fate to the farmer's wishes. Even when the extra toes appeared, the money-lender didn't want to stop.

The way the farmer worked out his wish was this: he had seen a beautiful young girl at the market. She was one of the local beauties, with smooth skin, long dark hair, full lips, and so on. She was a complete living catalog of feminine beauty, from her toes to the top of her head. The farmer, like all the men of the town, stared at her like an open-mouthed fool.

When she had gone about her business, and the farmer recovered his senses, he knew what he had to wish. He recalled how, as a boy, he'd wanted to wear the flowing dresses the girls wore, to paint his eyes, and braid his hair. He wanted to walk in that slow, sliding, sensuous way. He wanted to be a young, pretty, happy girl, not an old, weary farmer.

And so he sat down to think it through. He wanted to be very specific about the sort of girl he wanted to be, and so he made a list: two slender legs and well-turned ankles, two pert breasts, full lips, a complete set of flawless, milk-white teeth, dark eyes with long dark lashes...

He went through every item in the female anatomy, choosing, composing, and writing down what, in his mind, made the perfect young woman.

And then he blew his conch.

© 2007 by Kaleigh Way