I had originally planned to release the second part of the story I posted here on the 31st of this month. However alarmingly I have become aware that there could be some kind of major fault in my work so a question...
Can anyone tell me (if they read my story) what any faults I have are and other than that, could anyone give me any and I mean any advice that might, should I be capable of doing so, improve my writing?
Dawn.
Comments
Seems good so far
You are still in the lead-in/set-up part, it reads pretty good for an intro section. Too many intros are too dry a list of facts, you have avoided that. It sounds interesting so far and leaves the reader wanting to know more about a few mysteries. What is supposed too be wrong with it?
I am not sure what to make of the translation bit, I am unfamiliar with it. Is it important, or just a bit of color? Can you consult someone else on that?
is it really a major fault?
I think as Hypatia said, what is supposed to be wrong with it? As you say 'could' I'm guessing it's something that you have had said to you rather than you've noticed yourself?
I've not read your story (I'm a little behind on my reading at the moment with trying to write something of my own) but if you are happy that the plot still works, the characters are fine and that it's readable I think you should go ahead and post your next part. Kurt Vonnegut in a quote I love said "Write to please just one person. If you open a window and make love to the world, so to speak, your story will get pneumonia." Your story isn't going to please everyone. No writers does but for every kudos or positive comment you get you've pleased someone right? And they probably want to read the second chapter!
As for improving your writing, there are lots of good books out there and I find reading other peoples work helps me greatly by looking at it from a technical viewpoint and trying to work out what made that line, scene or story work for me as a reader. There are lots of rules to writing, the key is to knowing when to use them and when to ignore them. I'm still trying to work that one out for myself with my own scribblings!
Good luck!
"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."
Which story?
I am looking at "The long Dusty Road To Happiness". Is that the one you are asking about?
G
Well yes that is the story I
Well yes that is the story I was talking about but I was trying not to mention it by name, in case anyone got the wrong idea about this post.
advice
You have asked amateur writers for advice. Not to take away from the many great story tellers who post on the site. My advice may be helpful or worthless. Each writer must find their own voice and style. You will not please everybody. There are authors that make millions each year writing novels, who I could not get past the first chapter.
I read your story. My personal critique,
I found many of your descriptions redundant. If I edited your story, I would condense many paragraphs into single sentences. Example: What was once farm land was now a parched waste land from the ten-year drought.
A rule I learned in writing classes, never lie to a reader. A character can lie in the story; however, the writer cannot lie. One paragraph you open talking about the size of the town, then correct what you just stated in the next sentence. The false impression needs to come from the character.
I found your foreshadow to direct. I would have had the gypsy talk about a storm coming, which is the metaphysical storm, while the character looks at the pending storm on the horizon.
Most of what you wrote about Alex I liked. You had one paragraph where you stated Alex did things in the reverse order, then described what I see as the proper order.
As I first stated, each writer must find their style. I felt how you wrote about the town and how you wrote about Alex had two different styles.
Robin
RobinDiaz