It's the main tenet of the Hypocratic Oath, and a good way to live your life. Unfortunately, I can't claim to have lived by.

Even though the indications were there even in my childhood that I was not and am not male (contrary to all the physical indications!), I was pushed into the family Cavalier Tradition of joining the military upon achieving adulthood. For those of you who are not familiar with this, those of us from old southern families within the United States (I speak of the area once known as The Confederacy) grew up in a tradition where the male members of the family were expected to live by certain traditions. These included the oldest son inheriting the property, and the younger sons being expected to join the military, join the church, or find some other acceptable life style.

As time passed, the tradition changed somewhat due to the changing morals of the society - most notable of which was the abolition of slavery - but also the industrialization of our country made the agrarian lifestyle less important and emphasized other career paths. However, he military service part of the tradition remained strongly ingrained in the family traditions. Sons were expected to perform their service, and a career in the military was not only an accepted lifestyle, but one that was looked upon as honorable and with great approval.

I bucked the tradition a little by not making THE ARMY my life (and yes, the capitals are on purpose as that was the accepted form of service as my family traces it's traditions back to the Continental Army. I joined the US Navy as a form of rebellion against my father, who was an abusive asshole. He was also an officer in the 82nd Airborne in Korea, and I was expected to follow in his footsteps. Instead, I earned an appointment to Annapolis, as well as an NROTC scholarship. I chose the scholarship over the appointment as it allowed me greater freedom in choice of schools and geography. You see, I wanted to go as far as possible from him, and found a way to do it without being beholden to him in any way.

I spent my early adulthood learning the most efficient way to kill people. You see, I moved from being a gunnery officer on a destroyer to commanding an ANGLICO team. I became an expert at using air strikes and naval gunnery to "reach out and touch someone" - our euphemism for using an asset over the horizon, or sitting at 30,000 feet to kill. I learned the most efficient uses of ordnance, and how best to employ it.

I graduated from that to weapons development, and helped to develop the early fuel/air bombs into the hyperbaric munitions in use today. My last task before leaving the military was to help in initiating development of a project known as Velocitus Eradicus - a naval railgun which from what a few friends tell me is nearing deployment. A method that will allow naval gunfire to reach new heights of distance an lethality.

The point behind this little sojourn down memory lane is that I woke up one day and realized that not only was I tired of death and destruction, but that I had squandered the talents and gifts that God had given me on death rather than on helping people. I often wonder what I might have been able to achieve had I only had the courage to rebel a little bit more. The courage to say NO to my family traditions instead of simply treading a slightly different path. My asshole of a father turned out to be very proud of me when I saw him years after leaving home at a family gathering. I was in uniform and he was glowing with pride at being able to show off his son and my decorations. Of course, the jump wings I had earned didn't hurt, but I often wonder how the asshole would have felt if he only knew how little they all meant to me. Today they sit in a box packed away.

The two things from my military career that mean anything to me today are my Purple Heart, and the decoration that I earned for the little bit I contributed to saving a Marine Corps unit that was encircled and in danger of being overrun. That one I got for saving lives and it means more to me than all of the others combined.

It's never too late to turn your life around and make it what you want. I am, and you can too.

I vowed to never use my skills to kill again, and to find a way to be a positive influence on people - even if that is limited to opening the door for a senior citizen each day, or helping a child, or mentoring a teenager. There are an infinite number of waysin which to make a difference- we just all need to find the one that works for us.

Dallas