Printer-friendly version
Author:
Blog About:
Taxonomy upgrade extras:
Well I'm finally out of the hospital for the third time this year :)
All three times were for depression, I just wanted to ask if there were any others who can relate here?
I also wanted to ask if anyone else has/had a hard time bring up any sort of tg feelings with their therapist?
Comments
Therapy
I am presently being seen by a therapist at my local VA clinic for PTSD (Desert Shield/Storm) and depression. I have yet to admit to my therapist any of my tg feelings to her yet.
I remember
Ive been in your unable to talk phase. I say phase because it will likely overwhelm you.
When i started the process i had to tell my dr in order to get a refersal to the gender clinic.
It felt like id used ribspreaders and exposed my dirty perverted secret to him. It got dramatically easier each time after that.
I am ashamed that i didnt gather the courage sooner. (I was 33 already.)
I would tell someone. No matter the rejection. No matter the losses you will be happier eventually. For me it was a HUGE stress reduction telling my family dr.
Get the courage to tell someone. Specially a person who is legally required to take your story to the grave and isnt in a position to take punitive action against you. (I. E. dont tell your religious leader as he may try to. "Help" you)
Sincerely,
Dayna
I can empathise
As I am kinda going through the same thing atm.
I wish you luck in gathering your courage, because in helping someone through the same difficulties might help me talk to my own doctor...
*Hugs* you will get through this and then be happier (I'm not going to say something stupid like your depression will magically disappear but I hope a weight will lift from your shoulders.
Xx
Amy
By all means, talk!
It took me to the age of 52 to admit to myself that I had gender issues. Once I made that step, talking to my therapist about it was easy. Talking to my family, not so easy. I am struggling been now with the fact that I haven't told my sons - but my oldest found out through a fiend of his. It seems that someone in my ex-wife's family found out and has made it public knowledge.
I spent half the night tonight staring at the river contemplating the best way to end the hurting once and for all. That makes twice in a month that I have been in the same position.
For your own sake - talk to someone. I did both times, and I'm still here writing this because of it. Find the nerve and just do it.
Trust me, you are better off doing it at a time of your own choosing. This does not mean that you can procrastinate, but don't let yourself get caught in a trap. Make your decision and make it known. You need to be who you are, and you need help to get there.
I found it easy to talk to my therapist, yet found it hard to talk to my MD. Of course, I found a new doctor with some help from my therapist, and the fact that I had never spoken to the doctor probably didn't help, but I dug up the courage and did it.
I just wish I had found that courage 40 years earlier.
Dallas
D. Eden
Dum Vivimus, Vivamus
Your advice
Is sage and I am honestly trying to get myself out of this rut of silence. It's just one sentence but it weighs the world...
*Hugs* I happen to have an appointment this week.
I just need a positive frame of mind and a bit of courage.
*hugs* I hope you don't have to stare at the river much longer.
Xx
Amy
Always here.....
I have had many people on this site help me over the past several months, and I will always be here if you need to talk to some one. I have found that sharing the pain helps - especially with someone who has been there.
If there is anything that I can do, at any time, you have but to ask and I will be there.
Dallas
D. Eden
Dum Vivimus, Vivamus
Nothing Ever Got Better Until I Talked About It
I started therapy a few times over the years, trying to deal with depression and anxiety at various times. I never opened up about my cross-dressing, about gender, or about anything to do with sex, and what do you know? Therapy never accomplished that much.
After I started reading the TG story sites, I got even more depressed about things, checked out my medical plan, found out I was covered for therapy and decided to try again. Of all the therapists I had tried, the only one I had ever really felt had possibility was a LCSW/MSW, so I searched for one of those. My other criteria was that I wanted it to be a woman, because I just didn't feel like I could talk to a man about the things I needed to talk about. I also picked out someone about my own age, hoping again that it would be more of a peer relationship which would make it easier to talk. And frankly, I got lucky, but not on the first try. I dropped the first one after one visit, without telling her anything. Just didn't feel she was a listener. Clicked with the second one, and spilled my big secret on the first or second visit.
Once I started talking, and found that the therapist was accepting and non-judgmental, I realized just how much time and energy I had squandered holding all that in as a deep, dark secret for so many years. She really helped me a lot, even though we're not talking about any big outward changes in my life. It helped my relationship with my wife, too, to be able to talk to her about what I talked about in therapy. She saw how much it had taken a toll on me, and became much more supportive.
I stayed with that therapist for a few years, and was able to work on some more ordinary things as well. MSWs can't prescribe drugs, but working with my regular doctor, we tried a few things for anxiety, and that got me to a better place. I'm not taking anything now, I seem to be handling some moderate stress well, and I'd have to say that I was definitely helped.
Having gotten past my own shame and worry about who/what I am, I was able to come out as an activist working for LGBT rights. My church is extremely supportive and has a nice group. (It's a pity I'm too lazy to get up early enough on a Sunday morning to prep for an outing, because I'm certainly welcome there en femme.) Being able to publicly support LGBT equality efforts has made a huge difference to me. I feel so much more whole to be able to put my politics where my empathy lies.
I've written a bit here about how I managed to step out into the world in my alternate presentation. It was something I had to do. Having done it, and realizing I can do it, I don't feel the same need so much, and haven't done so in a couple of years, but I do feel a lot more confident in who and what I am.
I've been shopping for new clothes a bit lately, and have found a few pieces that might make the basis for a new outfit or two, so there's a chance I might get out again soon. Either way, though, I definitely owe a lot to that therapist and to the fact I came to the realization that if I didn't open up and speak frankly about what was bothering me, I wasn't going to get anything out of it.
Dear Pink
I can certainly relate to having depression.
I had my first depressive episode my senior year in college, in '70 - '71. It kind of wrecked that year. I started antidepressants in '77, old tricyclics that barely worked. I started Prozac in '86 or '87 and that worked great. I did much better at work, got the courage to join a TriEss group (het crossdressers, who had TSs in leadership positions) and finally figured out I was TS.
I think my depression is mostly genetic. My mom's brother and her mom's brother (her uncle) both committed suicide; I think I inherited it. I transitioned in '91 - '92 and I'm still taking lots of antidepressants. I had 2 suicide attempts; the 1st was pills and I really didn't try that hard to kill myself. In the 2nd, I had a pistol in my mouth, but only for 5 sec. or so before I chickened out. I now tell myself that I'm either not brave enough or depressed enough to actually kill myself, so why bother. I just try to relax.
Hugs and Bright Blessings,
Renee