Spending the week at home, just me and daddy, then the weekend at Gina’s with all the fun of playing with Freya and Jasmine and dressing in a way that suited the real me became the pattern over the next six weeks. By this stage my hair was longer than it had ever been. It reached my shoulders, just. At school there had been a few comments but mostly from teachers because it was getting untidy. I mentioned it to dad.

That is why, I found myself sitting in the chair at Gina’s usual salon with Gina at my side holding my hand and telling me she was so excited. I thought I was having my hair ‘tidied’, she thought it was time for a make- over! I was nervous. After all, whatever happened I would have to live with it back at school next week. “Will I look very different?” I asked.
“You will look fabulous,” she said. “Just as you are now but with extra fabulousness!” We laughed and I have to say that my desire to show off to Freya and Jasmine, and Toby won over any worries I had about Monday; at least for the time being. That is why sitting in the coffee shop later waiting for daddy and Evan I sported a new fringe and bangs and a stud earring in each ear. I felt fabulous, Gina told me I looked fabulous, and I spent the whole time playing with my ears.

Daddy told me I looked pretty and I blushed. Evan grunted but I could see he was in a good mood; spending time with daddy always did that to him. We had to listen to the list of shops they had visited but they were so boring. How much time can you spend in a fishing tackle shop? Gina looked a bit cross when I didn’t take any interest so I did my best. At last, they asked about my salon visit and I told them how great it had been and how the stylist had paid me compliments. She thought I was a girl the whole time but I didn’t mention that. Neither did I tell them that I was worried I would be found out, or worse that I would have to go back to my old life. It had been a relief when she asked me girl questions, such as whether I had a boyfriend or not. I blushed and said no to that but she decided I was being secretive and asked me what his name was. She did go on a bit about it. However, when I looked at myself in the mirror at the end, I was so amazed and pleased I almost cried. I loved the way I looked although I looked slightly younger than ten. Perhaps it was too much a little girl look. I wanted to be like Freya and Jasmine but the glint of earrings through my fine hair every time I moved made me feel so much better. Gina was at my side admiring the work.
“There,” she said turning to the stylist. “I knew you would work your magic.”
“She’s too stunned to speak,” the stylist said to Gina.

I stunned somebody else as well that day. Not Freya or Jasmine, they were complimentary about the changes and a bit jealous because Jasmine wanted pierced ears and wasn’t allowed yet. Freya did have earrings but wanted blond hair like mine. Although we were all the same age I couldn’t help but think that I looked younger. Anyway, they were nice to me. So was Toby when we saw him later. He was the second person to call me ‘pretty’. No, the person I stunned was Emily from school. I bumped into her in the coffee shop on my way to the little boys’ room… or little girls’ room; I hadn’t made up my mind. The worry about the decision left me as soon as I came face to face with Emily.
“Daniel,” she said, shocked. I think she was going to say, “Is that you?” but both she and I knew it was. I opened my mouth to speak but no words came out. I was going to explain but… well that was the problem. I hadn’t explained things to myself so how could I find the words for anyone else? That I was becoming a girl was clear; the boy had faded away almost completely. Why I felt better as a girl was harder to explain. Why I was glad that Gina had encouraged me was even harder to explain. What I did know was that we were building a new family, and I was the daughter, and I was over the moon about that.

Emily was probably my best friend at school. We played together at playtimes for instance but it wasn’t as if we were close. I wouldn’t tell her secrets or things. It was more a case of her being popular with the other girls and allowing me in to the circle for dances and friendship. Now, Freya, Jasmine and were friends with me on an equal basis. I still played with Emily at school but we didn’t see each other outside school much anymore and I hadn’t confided in her. During the week, I did all that online with Freya and Jasmine… and even Toby.

I still had some explaining to do though. I stood, one foot on top of the other and my legs bent in the way Freya stood when she was thinking. I was sort of annoyed with myself for insisting to Gina that I wear tights and shorts. I had even complained last week that I only had black tights and I shrieked with delight on discovering bright purple tights in the wardrobe. I was so pleased with them. Now, I felt trapped. There was no pretending. These were not half way clothes, these were full on girl clothes.

“I’m called Dani, now,” I said quietly. Emily looked me up and down.
“D-A-N-I?” she asked. I nodded. “Thought so, I saw your necklace at school. You thought it was hidden, but I saw it.” I nodded again, not sure what to say. Emily filled the silences for me.
“I like your style,” she said and smiled. I tried a smile. “Is this why you don’t see me at weekends now?” she asked.
“No, I…” I looked around. “I spend every weekend at Gina’s with daddy.”
“Daddy? Your dad?” I nodded.
It was her turn to look around. “Are you going in there?” she said nodding towards the little boys’ room.
“I didn’t think it through properly,” I said. It was true. I usually avoided going at all when we were in town but today I really needed to sort myself out. She took my arm and guided me into the girls’ room.
“Looking as good as you do, you need extra mirror,” she explained.

It was good to see Emily and good to talk. We spent ages chatting afterwards and she reminded me why she was so friendly to me, including me when I could have spent every school playtime on my own.
“It suits you,” she said, finally. “You have more confidence as a girl, Dani.”
I was surprised by this. I wasn’t feeling confident at all.
“What about school on Monday?” she asked. I went silent again. I would need bucket loads of confidence to do what I really wanted to do, I thought.
“Not sure, yet,” I said.
We parted with Emily wishing me luck and saying she would see me on Monday. At least I would have an ally when I needed one, I thought.

“Finally,” groaned Evan when I returned.
“Sorry,” I said. “I met Emily and we chatted.”
“And chatted and chatted and chatted,” Evan moaned. “Honestly, girls!”
Gina and daddy hadn’t seemed to mind and they laughed when Evan kept going on about girls spending time in bathrooms making themselves look pretty.
“You seem to know a lot about it,” daddy said and that shut him up. Daddy winked at me and held my hand as we left to find the car.

Sunday night came around all too soon, as it seemed to these days. We packed up to return home and I wished that we could just stay. Maybe I could go to the same school as Freya and Jasmine, or go to school with Evan. “
“Not for much longer,” daddy said to Gina as they kissed goodbye.
I tried getting more information out of him on the drive back across town.
“All in good time,” he said. “We can’t have you sleeping on the mattress for too much longer. Besides, it isn’t right that you share a room with a boy at your age.”
I thought I would like my own room but I really hoped that we could all live together. However, I didn’t want to rock any boats so I didn’t dare raise it with daddy.

In bed that night, my mind went to school and the comments I was bound to get when they saw my pierced ears and new hair style. I tried looking in the mirror to see how obvious they were. Very! Very, very obvious! I wondered if anyone would turn violent over it.

The answer was that boys noticed me for the first time in years… and not in a good way. I had worried that I was so invisible at school but today would have been a good day to disappear.
“Sissy, poofta, girly, fairy, princess,” were just some of the names I was called before the day even started. Some boys just laughed at me and didn’t even use any words. Others minced around with arms at odd angles to their bodies in a bizarre show of how they thought girls walked.

Emily rescued me and pulled me into her group of girls. That made some of the boys worse but I Emily glare at some of them and they lost interest…for a while. I would like to say the girls were better than that but quite a few seemed to enjoy the drama too.

It was my own fault. Daddy had spoken to me about this. He warned me it might be too much of a shock for some. He offered to come into school and talk to the headteacher but I, stupidly, thought it wasn’t that much of a change. I wore my boy clothes, for instance. Well, actually the trousers were girl ones but… they were trousers!

Standing with the other girls, though, I could see I had maybe rushed things. It was just that I had this different life now and it was better and I hated putting it all away in a wardrobe so that I could pretend to be somebody I wasn’t while I was at school.

My headteacher is big on diversity. He doesn’t like it if people make fun of other people because they are different. “Difference is what makes the world a fascinating place” he said in assembly all the time. So I knew he would be on my side. I suppose word spread because he came into our classroom, went over to speak to the teacher, looked at me and beckoned me over. There were sniggers; I suppose some thought I would be in trouble now. It did cross my mind that I may have overdone it, rushed things maybe. On the other hand, why should I be somebody I wasn’t to fit in at school? I walked with him to his office.
“Your daddy has been to see me this morning,” he said. I looked suitably surprised. “He was worried about you facing school all alone.”
I realised how much I loved my daddy. “I’m fine,” I said.
“That’s what he said you would say,” he replied. He sat behind his desk and indicated the seat for me. “I’m sure several people have had something to say this morning!” His arched eyebrows showed that he knew what some of the boys in my class were like.
“I always wondered what I had to do to get noticed by the boys in my class,” I said and he smiled.
“I am here to support you, so I want you to know that I will not allow anyone to be mean and nasty without there being serious consequences for them.”
I nodded. “Is there anything I can do to help?” he asked. I smiled to myself and remembered the first time I wore a skirt.

Evan was moaning, again, that there were girl clothes in his wardrobe. I was used to this by now and said something clever like, “you should try them, they might suit you” to which he snorted. He then threw a denim skirt over to me and said, “I wouldn’t be seen dead in a skirt.”
I was so excited. There had been one time when Freya wore a skirt but Jasmine didn’t. I remember thinking that, if we had co-ordinated, I would get to wear a skirt too because Gina always seemed to be in the know. I didn’t dare ask though and because we were all dressed differently it remained just a hope. Then, here I was holding a skirt and thinking that, at last, I would get to wear one. I almost thanked Gina when she came in to dress me but instead did what I always did, accepted it all as just normal for me to have these clothes. So, Gina put me in purple tights and the denim skirt and a purple top with silvery stars and I danced in front of the mirror so much that she had to hold me down to brush my hair and say “what is the matter with you today?” but she smiled as she said it and she knew as I did what the matter was. This was the best feeling of all. I didn’t object when we went out but couldn’t wait to be around town in my skirt and tights. I didn’t even keep looking around to see if we bumped into someone who knew me.

So, sitting in the headteacher’s office, I knew what I was going to say when he asked me what he could do to help. “I would like to wear my skirt, tomorrow,” I said.
He nodded. “Alright, as long as it is a school uniform skirt...”
I smiled. This was going to be fantastic. I got up to leave and he said, “ … and tights need to be navy blue, remember. School colours!”
I didn’t actually have a school skirt or navy tights but I didn’t worry. I could even ask Emily if necessary.

The rest of the day went without too much fuss. Nobody was outright hostile to me but I got a lot of stares and I could tell others were whispering. Before I left for home, my teacher called me over. I was sure he was going to say something positive and supportive so I was completely taken by surprise when he handed me back my homework on, ’An Important Day’ from six weeks ago. He said, “This isn’t your best work. You can do better.” I looked at my writing. I knew it wasn’t as good as it could be but I was keeping secrets when I wrote it.
“I want you to do it again,” he said. “And this time, write as if you mean it!”
I nodded and took back my work.

Gina met me from school. This was a surprise. She told me she and daddy decided I needed support and she was worried that I would be scared about walking home by myself.
“I usually do,” I replied.
“I know,” she said, looking around. “But today feels a bit more special, doesn’t it!”
She took my hand and we walked towards home.
“Don’t you need to collect Evan from his school?” I asked her.
“Evan doesn’t like me to be seen at his school. I might ruin his street cred!” We laughed at that, both imagining how Evan liked to act the tough guy.
“Are we going to my house or yours?” I asked.
“Neither! Well, not yet, anyway. We have shopping to do young lady!”

And so we did, not exciting shopping because it was all school uniform but it was a couple of new school skirts and several pairs of tights in navy blue and charcoal. Nothing to wear down a catwalk but, for me, a big step forwards.
“Evan’s school has a red uniform, is that right?” I asked Gina.
“And boy, does Evan moan about THAT!” she replied.
“Red tights would be so cool, though,” I said.
Gina looked at me and sighed. “Alright then, one pair of bright red tights for you, but only to wear at weekends. Your school will not like it if you break the uniform rule.”
I hugged her close and we set off for home, which as it turned out was her house.

Her house…Evan’s house…and Evan’s wardrobe…where it all started. Daddy was waiting for us and Evan was chatting to him, wearing his school uniform. He looked younger somehow in his red school sweatshirt and grey trousers.
Daddy and I stayed over because there were big decisions to be made. Gina and daddy said we should all live together. This was just what we all wanted but daddy wanted to be sure that it was the right thing.
“We will find a new house to live in, a new start. Not your house or this house but our house!” Gina said.
Daddy said I could move schools if I wanted to. Tempted though I was by the thought of red tights, I knew my school was the place to be. Why should I be chased away? Then I had a slight panic.
“We’re not moving too far away are we?”
“Not too far from Freya and Jasmine,” Gina said.
“Or Toby!” Evan said, his face in his hands fluttering his eyelashes in an exaggerated way. I should have been annoyed with him but I laughed instead.

It would have been great to watch television all bunched up on the sofa like at weekends but I had homework to do.
“So do you, Evan!” Gina reminded him.
“Stupid girl,” he shot across to me. “She wouldn’t have remembered if you hadn’t said that!”
I didn’t mind. I had a piece of writing to do. I had promised to rewrite my work and I was keen to do it.