New Technology!â„¢
Time to throw out your old muse and go for New Technology!â„¢ Introducing the all new Microsquat Universal Story Expositor or MUSE 2009 ®! Currently in beta (bugs everywhere, try againâ„¢), this exciting new technology is sure to usher in a new age of writing and will revolutionize the world as we know it! (1) No more will you have to wait for your muse to be in the mood or suffer writer's block again; no, all you will need to do is fire up you trusty word processor (2), and when you need help, MUSE 2009 ® will come up at the click of a mouse to provide you with new inspiration! To start enjoying this New Technology!â„¢, please request the new and updated non-disclosure application form from our site for MUSE 2009. Note: this requires a signature in your own blood, and does not require the indentureship of future progeny, as in the past; You talked, We listened!â„¢
1. Note: At this time during the private beta, the few minor known bugs are plot theft, story theft, identity death and plagiarism, but these are so minor you will be left wondering what happened and can truly claim innocence after suffering&bksp&bksp&bksp&bksp&bksp&bksp&bksp&bksp&bksp enjoying the wonders of this exciting new technology!â„¢
2. Note: Requires Windows Served 2007â„¢, Officer 2007â„¢ and at least 2 quad core processors with a minimum of 32 GB RAM and a minimum of 1 TB of storage space; an OC-1 internet connection (or equivalent) is required, but for optimal performance, an OC-24 internet connection (or equivalent) is necessary.
Microsquat, when you can't risk having your software take a dump on you!â„¢
(Does this qualify as fiction writing? Also, I felt the inspiration to copy this to a blog and start the series after seeing what I wrote (I am neither egotistical nor megalomaniacal, hehe). If so, there is other software and hardware in development. And sorry for the non-tg post, this issue will be addressed in future upgrades)
Comments
Very funny
Even I understood some of it, although quantities such as tbs are more familiar to us technophobes, where computerese is like haemorrhoids.
Angharad
Angharad
ewwww
... haemorrhoids... No fun there...
Well done. Surprising how like some real "beta" software that sounded... In fact, M$ Access 95 beta had some issues. If you wanted to install the shipping product on the machine you'd worked with the beta, there was an interesting first step: "Reformat your hard drive to remove the beta to insure smooth operation of the product when installed." (I paraphrase I'm afraid) It was more than to insure smooth operation - it was to allow ANY operation of the shipping product.
New technology - you can keep it
Last year a friend of mine upgraded GirlFriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and found it to be a memory hog, leaving very little system resources for other applications. He is only now noticing that Wife 1.0 also is spawning Child-Processes which are further consuming valuable resources.
No mention of this particular phenomena was included in the product brochure or the documentation, though other users have informed him that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application. Not only that, Wife 1.0 installs itself such that it is always launched at system initialisation where it can monitor all other system activity. He's finding that some applications such as PokerNight 10.3, BeerBash 2.5, and PubNight 7.0 are no longer able to run at all, crashing the system when selected (even though they always worked fine before). At installation, Wife 1.0 provides no option as to the installation of undesired Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw 55.8 and BrotherInLaw Beta release. Also, system performance seems to diminish with every passing day.
Some features we'd like to see in the upcoming Wife 2.0.
* A "Don't remind me again" button
* A Minimise button
* An install shield feature that allows Wife 2.0 be installed with the option to uninstall at any time without the loss of cache and other system resources.
* An option to run the network driver in promiscuous mode which would allow the systems hardware probe feature to be much more useful.
I myself decided to avoid all of the headaches associated with Wife 1.0 by sticking with Girlfriend 2.0. Even here, however, I found many problems. Apparently you cannot install Girlfriend 2.0 on top of Girlfriend 1.0. You must uninstall Girlfriend 1.0 first. Other users say this is a long standing bug which I should have been aware of. Apparently the versions of Girlfriend have conflicts over shared use of the I/O port. You think they would have fixed such a stupid bug by now. To make matters worse, the uninstall program for Girlfriend 1.0 doesn't work very well, leaving undesirable traces of the application in the system.
Another thing that sucks -- all versions of Girlfriend continually popup little annoying messages (nag screens) about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0
Bug Warning
Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources.