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For those of you who are post ops and living as a woman, would you do it again? I don't think I recall anyone telling me not to do it. It was after all my responsibilty.
I don't want a discussion with non ops here. It is too painful right now and I don't think I have anything to offer. I don't really want any comments.
I would just like to say that I hope those considering following in my foot steps realize a few things. Count on losing your family. Count on losing your job. Count on losing your friends. Count on losing your church. Count on the worst. The point here is that one needs to be prepared for the worst and if it happens differently you are blessed.
I look back now and wonder if I made a mistake. It is normal for post ops to have a season of so called buyers remorse. I know that if I made a mistake back then, I can not see my living if I had not. I have to warn you that I can think of no other thing I could have done that would have been more destructive and pain producing in ones life than transitioning. So, think very, very hard on what you are doing because there is no way back. Humpty Dumpty can not be put back together again, no matter how much you weep, plead and reason with others. So, if anyone asks me about doing it in the future, I will be as discouraging as I posibly can, no one should go into this unless they are dead sure that there is no other option.
Each of you have the right to do as you wish. I think that most other post ops, including me will be supportive to those who have firmly decided. But I only want to talk to those who have counted the cost because it is far higher than it should be. It is not fair and it is evil what some others do to us.
So, beloved, make very sure about what you contemplate. It would be doubly painful to have someone tell me that I had not warned them off enough.
I have the life that I asked for now. It is up to me and no one else to make it a happy one. I can tell you for sure that it is no easier now than before. It is however the life that I asked for and I intend to be happy.
Gwen
Comments
Post op feelings
Dear Gwen,
I had my big chnage in 2003 so I have had some time to look back, but not so long time that I have forgot how I felt.
From my oiwn expereince and from what I have read durig the years before and after the op, there are some periods when the doubt is greater then else. The first possible regret is the wakening up after the nacosis. For me that was not a problem. I felt it like the first day of spring when the snow starts to melt and the drops are falling to the cround with the first warm sun-beams can be really felt after a long winter, The second downfeeling appears sabout one wek after the day ons arrives home. The acute pain-releiving has passed and life is to star function normal again. The area around the operation si still very tender, and the routine of dilatation should start to be a normal part of the life for at least two years ahead. Depending on the tiime spent as woamne before the op this time is more or les difficult. But still medication and a lot of things is to happen that somehow fills the daily routines. The "Golden gate" that we might have had in our mind is not really visible. Then follows a period of nice life. Routines start to settle into the new life. The last downperiod that I have heard about happens about 2 months after the op. Now comes the time when we really can see what costs the op has in our social life.Friends just doesn't call any longer. And all the questions about if we have done the right thing comes from all sides. But is the healing we settle down into the new persona and there are some good points to notice. We will be accepted in most places among women who do not know our back-ground, the pains are slowly going away, and we can really start our private rebirth. What we havde to accept is that some persons arond us must have long time to adjust to out change. they do not as we have the golden result that makes us go through the pre-op problems. For me that has ment that some friends have come to accept my change.
One good advice I got from the old Transgeder chat in MSNwas: Take care of other problems befor the transsexualism, as the change will not be the cure for all. And this runs for high blodpreassure as well as for depressions, that are not caused by the gender problem.
With these informations I think that you as well as I can help those that comes after us on the long road to transition.
Best greetings from Ginnie
GinnieG
post or pre
In a sense I'm not sure that little point makes a huge difference to anyone except the person in question. As a pre op of some years... lack of money mainly... I did the loss of family and friends thing some time back. As to whether I made a wrong choice or whether there was a choice or maybe I'm nuts and all of THEM are right, or is that little dangly thing of such significance or is an innie more feeling amd emotional than an outie or..... Well there's all sorts of options and points of view. I guess it's just a journey some have to take. Not all will follow all the way, indeed most won't. There's all sorts of reasons and whys and wherefors and who am I to judge one against another. I chose to go one way and assuming at some stage I am stable enough and financial enough I will follow through on that dangly bit. Each to their own choice and so it should be. Ya makes ya bed and ya's lies innit, like... or something like that. Of course maybe this is all a dream and I'll wake up one day and laugh. But then who would be waking... him or her?? Gee is that almost existential crap or what? A journey starts with a first step... but do we doubt and question? Oh hell yeah. Weird stuff this life thing huh.
Kristina
The surgery is only one rung
of a long ladder. It's only important until you've had it or are contemplating an active sex life (whatever that is?). Otherwise how often do you go flashing your fanny to all and sundry?
Many see it is as an end point, it isn't. It's a milestone that's all, the journey continues. It is irrevocable and so maybe a dramatic gesture that we are serious. The most important step is living full time, that is the biggest change in life and enables one to actually see how different the practical is to the theory! And remember that 99% of all sex and gender is between the ears, not the legs.
For those who get it by mistake - oops! Either they were caught up on the conveyor belt of the system and didn't know how to get off, or they were mistaken. In which case they let themselves down and the system failed. It is difficult to decide because most of transsexualism is self diagnosing, which always means the 'expert' is guessing as to how real it is in the patient.
If they get it wrong for whatever reason, does that make them FtoM, being men trapped in (now) women's bodies?
Angharad.
Angharad
Do it all over again? hmmm...
I've said now and then that I might not have GRS again if I knew then what I know now. Then again, I've usually thought it was a good thing, too.
I had the old two-stage SRS, back in '82 and then '89. It gave me a lonnnnnnnnnggg transition, by some definitions... but really, I transitioned back in '79, when I went from all-boy mode to half 'n' half, so far as I cared to dress or make-up one way or the other.
The GRS was meaningless. By that, I mean it changed *nothing* in my life.
I looked the same, I went to the same work each day (sorer, for a while, but the same), I had the same friends and family, and ... it was meaningless.
Sex was different, of course. But not really. For me, sex is fun and slaps and laughs and tickles. The nerves and wet parts are great, but it's the emotions that I crave. I had the same sex partners after GRS, btw.
All the real changes, the meaningful ones, happened while I transitioned, came out to my friends and co-workers, got used to full-time interactions with the madding crowd as a girl, etc. Hormones were a WAY bigger change than GRS. Hell, *electrolysis* was way more important.
I know it's a very unpopular point of view, but based on my experience, and thinking about the hundred-odd trans-people I know, a four or five year living, transitioning, hormones-included waiting period before GRS might be the best way to be sure it will bring you happiness. More happiness.
And Gwen, I'm sorry it's so stressfull for you, but you have my support in any choice you make for your own happiness. Including *re*-transitioning, if you want.
Gender is many things, and we, of *all* people, should know that it shouldn't be a prison.
Michelle
Post ops
Gwen,
You wanted to know whether I would go through the surgery again. Putting it quite simply, yes.
Having the operation was a purely personal decision. I had been living and working for several years before I came to the decision to go through with it. It made no difference to my life. I had long term employment, a home, friends and a family that knew and still accepted who I was. Not being in a relationship, I did it for myself. Not being a selfish person, (well, I hope I am not) I did struggle to justify to myself the reasons to undergo GRS. I was aware, having several friends who had undertaken the op prior to my doing so, all the pitfalls involved. This included the post-op downturn, which normally happens six months after the op for some reason.
At one time, I had helped run a TG group in Hampshire. I spent hours listening to others as they tried to gain information from transsexual friends over what questions the psychiatrists asked. This was in the early Nineties, before much information was available. Even then I had doubts over whether to give information freely. On more than one occasion someone ref erred to being TS as a ‘natural progression’. Ye gods. Since those days I have always been circumspect in talking about the subject, indeed I tended to dwell on the problems an individual will encounter when asked. It is only on rare occasions I get talked into going along to such a meeting, the last one two years ago. Sadly nothing much had changed except the information was more widespread, who was the best person to see for hormones etc.
We all have to live with the choices we make. I am happy with mine; my good friends all agree it was the right choice for them. Some have lost friends and families along the way. Many have changed occupations in the process, they all seem happier as a result.
Please remember that being TG is not a competitive sport. Some try to outdo others in their circle of acquaintances, a form of one upmanship. You should never forget that at any time you can just remain as you are and walk away from that environment.
Love to you all
Anne G.
Reminds me...
of an occasion when a friend invited me to go to Tg evening at a hotel in Bournemouth, several years ago. I got lost getting there so was late arriving. I sat with my friend and a group of wives/ girlfriends mainly listening to what they had to say. My loyalties I'm afraid were with the wives, who often felt trapped in the relationship and rarely had any enthusiasm for cross dressing partners. I wasn't asked what I was and presume was accepted as one of the women.
When I went to leave one of the younger TVs asked me if I had a good gawp. I was shocked to say the least. I asked him what he meant, and it was as I had thought, he assumed I was some woman who came to watch the weirdos. I should have just walked away, but no, being an idiot,I had to deal with the young tyro. So I told him what I was, watching the goldfish like response for a few moments was the only satisfaction I got. Then I got buttonholed for another hour or two answering questions. Next time I'll keep it firmly zipped.
Would I have surgery again, absolutely. I had to wait five years from transitioning to the chop. So I knew exactly what I was doing. Would I have preferred to have been a normal man - yes. I wouldn't wish GID on my worst enemy (not that I have any)because I know they wouldn't be strong enough to cope with it.
Angharad
Angharad
Thank you all for not BARKING at me.
Gwen Brown
Would you do it again.
I think that would be a yes for me. I took a long time to get to it though. Not because I needed the time, I just kept hoping that I'd get a job where the Ins. would cover at least some of it. Finnally I became to tired of waiting and just went for it. Now I'm poor(er) but I feel like I've moved forward somehow. I don't know about regrets, perhaps I'll experence some of that at some point. I guess I regret having to spent all the cash, but it's for spending and I got what I wanted the most. Even if I still feel that my Ins sould have covered it. As for making my life easier some how, no not really, but I didn't expect it to, I did it for me.
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Jenna
Post OP satisfaction
CaroL
Seeing these comments has been like a microcosm of the feelings expressed in my old support group by post ops. I transitioned and lost family, and have some who only continue to acknowledge me by my old name and affiliation. And it has been 4 years. These I am growing slowly away from, trying to keep the door of acceptance open, but next year when I move out of state, there will be even more distance, and less contact.
In a sense I guess I was transitioning since I was 10 and found out about Christine Jorgensen. I had no support from family. I was born with external and internal bits of both sexes, but my gender was always female. A surgery when I was 5 confirmed my parents desire that I be sociologically male, and being a compliant child, I did my best for far too long. I was a disappointment to my father who wanted grandchildren, but not only was it an emotional impossibility for me to have a marriage, it was a physical impossibility to have intercourse, and I was sterile as a fresh test-tube.
Surgery was my decision alone, but by the time I felt ready, I was less than 10 years from retirement and needed to insure I would have an income when I was through, so I waited. A year post-op, I still recall strongly my pre transition need to make my body right, the ups and downs of emotion, even though the HRT and therapy did help me be more calm and my likelihood of suicide a thing of the past. The therapy also helped me deal with a PTSD stemming from things over the years, from the military and later. So never think that therapy is a waste. It does little good to haul old baggage into a new life. As someone else said above, I did it for myself, and really haven't cared what anyone else says or thinks. It was right for me, and my buyers regret was only when I had a lot of pain for a few days (enough to make me sweat) when a little infection settled in a veeerrry sensitive place, and that was after I had come home. My only other regret, is that I wish I had done it sooner rather than at age 63. My life was quiet before, and my life has been quiet post-op, but I do have a feeling of peace and still a bit of an internal giggle when I see myself finally right in the mirror. My best wishes to all.
CaroL