I often wondered why I had to go through a lot of the things that I did. It seemed that the universe thought that I was some cosmic joke and used me as it's whipping boy. Between abuse and a lack of permanence, I thought that chaos reigned in the universe and there was nothing I could do about it. I hated myself for complaining about my life, because there were others that had it way worst.

I used to hate my life

I don't anymore and I hope this could be an encouragement to a few.

People following my blogs will know that on Dec 27 I came out and transitioned. I wouldn't say Katie was born, but she was finally allowed out of the dark chasm I hid her in. Since that time, life decided to make up with me and be friends. I would like to think that everything else changed, but it has to be me. Right? Others have seen it and I'm hoping still more will come to the realization that I am not who I was.

Here are some things that are going on.

I have a boyfriend. It's official. He changed his Facebook status and everything. I even have friends stalking him (you know who you are, like I'm not going to see who my BF friends). I always thought that I was destined to be alone. That I was unlovable, undesirable. He is proving me wrong and I appreciate that. He calls me gorgeous, isn't that cool. Something I can definitely get use too. We are growing in our relationship. Still learning things as we go. I go to church with him on Sundays, he came over my house twice last week (he lives an hour away, only downside).

It is more than just having a BF though. Others are taking notice. Last night while I was at a light, the car next to me rolled down their window and I got a "Hey Baby!" I'm still giggling.

So for those who aren't where you want to be, don't live in despair. One day you will make the decision to let your outside and inside person match. I too didn't think it was obtainable. But since I did, I have never smiled so much, laughed so often and been so content in this crazy life of mine.

Back to my main point. Yes, I went through some horrendous shit as a child. I could have done with a lot of what happened in my adult life also. But everything that has happened has led me to here, and I am in a good place.