I have people sometimes tell me they are impressed with how strong I am.
I don't understand.
I tell them that I'm not but they just shake their head.
I don't understand.
They say they are amazed at how strong I must be to live as myself.
I don't understand.
I say that all I'm doing is living my life, nothing special about that.
I don't understand.
I'm told they wouldn't have the strength to go through what I put myself through every day.
I don't understand.
I say I cry a lot because it often hurts so much.
They don't understand.
I cry out that this world is so full of pain and it wears on me all the time.
They don't understand.
I get up each day and do it all over again.
I don't understand.
Once in a while I have an opportunity to share a bit of my day with someone special and can give and receive a hug and share a smile.
Sometimes I understand.
Comments
excellent
thank you, it is so good to have that feeling put into words.
I have been mystified by much the same. Odd thing I find is that it is easier to live my life as me being a trans-woman than it ever was pretending to be a man.
Bright Blessings,
Cassie Ellen
Thank you...
...there are so many times when I say all this to myself. And sometimes I understand as well.
Love, Andrea Lena
I Know What You Mean
People used to say "Wow, you are brave or were brave"; lots of stuff like that. In my early days of going out dressed, I felt I was brave a few times for a few minutes; I was also scared during those times, but I adapted. My mentors/friends were doing it and were not scared so why should I be? Soon, everything I was doing just made me feel so much better that being in my guy drab disguise. I'd do all kinds of activities; I wasn't being brave, I was just drawn to the feelings of gender euphoria which were such a contrast to my old life.
A few times I received some complements; I argued and said I wasn't what ever I'd been told, brave, pretty, etc. Soon, one mentor or other told me that a polite womyn accepts complements; I changed to just saying thank you in response. The complementer was being kind or supportive or just nice or even honest. What I thought shouldn't detract from that positiveness.
With new, untried things to do, I still became anxious for a while, but I stopped being scared.
Hugs and Bright Blessings,
Renee
I know what you mean on
I know what you mean on simply saying thank you when someone says something nice. I've had a friend try breaking me of the habit of disagreeing with whatever is said and simply say thank you. It's very hard when someone says something and my whole life and the mirror tell me what they say or see is wrong. :(.
Rifkinn, I don't understand
is a most wonderful poem. I don't understand why you did not post it as a story. :)
May Your Light Forever Shine
It wasn't written as a poem
It wasn't written as a poem though. I found myself about 3/4ths asleep and just rambled into the computer one night about my thoughts and feelings and it just came out. I'm not a writer, wish I was because it would make going back to school so much easier. That's why I just put it under the blog category.