So I've been keeping everyone up to date and just maybe I can help people who are kind of in the same situation as I am. I came out to everyone, and I mean everyone. Were my problems solved? No. I find that my emotions are all over the place as I enter a world where I am no longer wearing the mask of my male self, a person who didn't really exist except for the comfort of others who tried to label me male.

This morning, I spoke to my competition of the paper route. I told him a couple of days ago and I suppose he wanted to talk because he had passed me doing the apartments and then came back. We discussed things. I told him my name was Katie, but I wouldn't be offended if he took some time getting use to things. He then told me that my other friend that works for the tribune, my old boss, and my old boss' boyfriend were looking at my pictures on facebook. He also said that the boss' boyfriend had some questions about what was going on but that he didn't have an answer. This did something to me. In my mind I have visions of people pointing and laughing at my picture and making crude comments. I went from being at peace with myself to feeling as if I were a huge joke to the world. My emotions are going that way lately. I came home, fiddled with the computer and then went to bed. I started to cry. I was so afraid. I didn't know what I was afraid of, but I definitely know I was afraid because that was what I was sobbing. I asked God to take me right then and there, I couldn't do this, but I'm at the point where it's not that I can't go back, but I don't want to.

God didn't take me, evidently by this blog.

I got up and found that an old friend had stopped by. Oh joy, another person to tell. He was okay with it too. I want to write a letter to life. It would read like this:

Dear life,

If you are not going to live up to my expectations and actually work in my advantage, would you mind giving me some advanced notice so I can get on with life.

I don't have the life's address and maybe I shouldn't piss it off before it changes on me once again.

Anyway. I got dressed. OH! NEWS FLASH!!! I have a wardrobe. Adria, the angel who is helping Katie discover herself has a friend (who I hope will be my friend too) who had gastric bypass and had a bunch of clothes to give away. I also bought a pair of brown leggings (I really want white but I am a messy eater). Today was a teal dress (picture enclosed) and the tights. Here is the thing with where I am at now. It is not enough to dress. In fact, before I came out to everyone and even though I owned a dress, I never wore it. All of a sudden I feel the need to be around people. Not really interacting, per se, but in the crowd. I went to wal-mart to pick up my estradiol and I had a nice conversation with the woman in front of me about her cute blouse (I liked it). I saw no signs of ill will, but I am always on the lookout. Then I went to the mall. I browsed and went to a few shops. I was looking for a 30 inch chain and talked to a few sales people. It felt strange to be among people without the mask and armor, but also a little liberating. I don't know how people viewed me. Every time I heard a giggle I turned to see if someone was pointing (no) and if I heard someone say something louder than the din I looked (but didn't distinguish any comment toward my way). This thing I know, I walked with my head held high, and that might be the biggest achievement today.

Enjoy 2 pics. Hopefully more is to come.

See I can do happy