Chapter 4
September 10, 2001
"You're not mad are you mom?" I cried as my mother wiped makeup off my face.

She held me close to her chest.

"Why would you ever think that?" she replied.

"Because I'm wearing a dress," I said.

She caught me wearing one of Kelsey's old cheerleading outfits.

"Oh Darling, it's OK," Mom said. "You look pretty in it like your sister. In fact, I never realized how much you two favor. But the makeup is a bit of a mess!"

She told me to go get cleaned up. Dad was working the night shift at the firehouse.

Since Kelsey moved out after going to NYU, most nights, it was just mom and me.

We had our favorite, takeout Chinese.

"Got to be at work early tomorrow, kiddo," she said as she tried to show me how to use chopsticks. "Don't want to slave over a stove."

"That's OK mom," I said with my mouth full. "This is good."

"Mom, you promise you won't tell Kelse, about you know," I said after I swallowed a bite.

"Oh, I think Kelse might know," She said.

She didn't tell me how Kelse might know.

I found out later that Kelse saw me sneak into her old room one morning when I didn't know she'd come home. She never let on that she saw me.

"Well, please don't tell dad," I said.

"I won't baby, your secret is safe with me," she said.

She never asked me why I had the cheerleading outfit on. We just went into the living room to watch television.

She asked me about my day, and asked me how I liked my new art class. She proudly showed off my art works ar her office.

"You know, they're offering swim classes at the Y," she said. "I thought you and me could take class together. Would you like that?"

"Sure," I said. Mom was a fitness freak. I always ran with her. I sometimes went with her to the gym.

Our evening was always interrupted by a phone call from dad, especially on a quiet night like it was that night.

We talked about the Giants and the Mets. He talked with mom about her day.

suggested the three of us head to the Jersey Shore for a weekend at the beach before it started to turn cold.

"What about Kelsey?" I asked.

"She and her roommate Avery can come, too, if they want," dad said. "But they're busy with college stuff. They might not have time for us. They've got their friends."

I enjoyed the phone calls with dad. I wasn't comfortable talking to him about my feelings. I wasn't with mom, either.

Mom sort of knew something was amiss. She called me her "sensitive child."

And she knew I was bullied. She also once overrheard one of Kelsey's friends call me sissy. She defended me.

"You're not like other boys," she said. "I love you just the way you are."
*****
Sept. 11, 2001

They tried to organize us in the hall, but it was total chaos. We couldn't leave unless our parents or somebody from our family picked us up. We knew something was going on, because they decided to let school out early.

Parents and other family members were coming in to pick up their children, some were in tears.

I waited for Mom. I knew she had an important meeting, which was probably the reason she was late, or so I thought.

Maybe dad, I thought. His shift at the firehouse should have been over.

I was really surprised to see Kelsey walk through the doors with her roommate, Avery. Kelsey look white as a ghost.

You could tell both had been crying because their makeup was smeared.

Kelsey spotted me and told Avery to come get me while she went into the office.

"What's going on?" I asked Avery as she helped me gather my things.

"Kelse, Kelse will tell you what's going," Avery said.

Kelsey emerged from the office.

"We probably need to go to the firehouse, maybe they'll know something," Kelsey told Avery.

"Why are we going to the firehouse?" I asked before we got into Avery's car.

Avery was driving, in Kelsey's words, because she was the calm one.

Traffic was a nightmare.

It was during that time Kelsey told me of the events that would change our lives forever.

She told me planes had hit the World Trade Center towers. She told me they collapsed.

She told me firefighters responded and that people escaped.

"Mom?" I asked, already in tears.

"I don't know," she said, trying to choke back the tears.

She didn't say it then, but in heart, she already knew.

Mom called Kelsey right after the first plane hit to tell her she was safe. Mom's office was high up in the north tower, above the impact zone. They were telling them to stay put and wait for emergency personnel.

"Wouldn't it be funny if your dad is the one who rescues me?" she said, trying to keep Kelsey's spirits up.

As the situation grew grim after the second plane hit, Kelsey told me Mom's tone changed.

Kelsey was still in shock as Mom told her to write things down.

She told her where she kept all important documents, which attorney to call, what family members to contact.

"Mom, please don't say that," Kelsey told me she said.

"Kelse, I need you to be strong," Mom said. "Hopefully, dad will be there. But you and Reagan have to be strong."

She told Kelsey she loved us. Kelsey lost her about the time the tower fell.

Kelsey tried to call back, but no longer had cell service. She hoped dad would be at the firehouse, and that maybe he knew something about Mom.

But deep down, she also he knew might be dead, too. He would have just ended his shift when the first plane. But she knew firefighters would have been called in if they were off.

If things were chaotic at school, they were even worse when we finally reached the firehouse.

Members of nearly every firefighter's family were there, waiting for word.

Firefighters slowly trickled in, covered with ash.

Capt. Clark, who worked a different shift than dad, did his best to organize things and try to tell us something. He and his crew made it out.

He knew us. He pulled Kelsey aside.

"We don't know if they made it out," he said. "They were ahead of us and already going up. I've seen no one from your dad's crew."

When he said that, Kelsey sat down and broke into tears.
I joined her. We were a mess.

Avery turned into our rock that day.

We left for our house. It seemed like hours for us to get out of the city and get home.

Neighbors, family friends and even some family members were waiting on us when we got to the house.

They all wanted to know if we had any news about Mom and Dad. We were bombarded with food.

They were there for hours. Avery was the one who mustered up the courage to ask them to leave.

We were tired. We had several cries that night.

The three of us slept in Mom and Dad's king bed that night, and for a few days after. I slept in the middle.

Kelsey was the one who made the decision to sell the house and move me into the loft with them in the city.

*****
September 11, 2003

"Let me see how you look," Kelsey said as she walked into my room.

She grabbed a brush and started putting the finishing touches on my hair.

"You know you really did a good job on your makeup," she said. "Your getting to be a pro."

"You think so?" I asked as she finished my hair and straightened my bow.

"Yup, you are," Kelsey said.

"You two, we've got to be getting a move on," Avery said as she walked into my room.

"Oh my god, you look gorgeous," she said as she gave me a hug.

"A couple of years from now, we'll have to chase off the boys with a stick," Kelsey said, which caused me to blush.

The three of us were wearing matching black and white dresses. We were going to a memorial service at the grave yard where mom and dad had plots.

It was simple service. Family members of other victims of 9/11 were there.

When the service was over, the three of us walked up to Mom and Dad's tomb rock and placed roses. Even though their bodies were never recovered, it was our place to spend time with them.

"Kelse, can I ask you a question?" I asked.

"Sure kiddo," Kelsey said.

"What would mom think of me?" I asked.

"She would be proud that she had such a wonderful, beautiful daughter," Kelsey said.

"You think so?" I asked.

"I know so," Kelsey said. "And dad, too. I believe he would have understood. I think they'd both be proud of their Uptown girls."