The novel "Fifty Shades Of Grey" has seduced women - and baffled blokes.Now a spoof,
Fifty Sheds Of Grey, offers a treat for the men.
The book has author Colin Grey recounting his love encounters at the bottom of the Garden.
Here are some extracts...
Fifty Sheds Of Grey We tried various positions - round the back, on the side, up against a wall...But in the end we came to the conclusion the bottom of the garden was the only place for a good shed.
She knelt before me on the shed floor and tugged gently at first, then harder until finally it came.I moaned with pleasure.Now for the other boot.
Ever since she read THAT book, I've had to buy all kinds of ropes, chains and shackles.She still manages to get into the shed, though.
"Put on this rubber suit and mask," I instructed, calmly."Mmmm, kinky!" she purred."Yes," I said, "You can't be too careful with all that asbestos in the shed roof."
"I'm a very naughty girl," she said, biting her lip."I need to be punished."So I invited my mum to stay for the weekend.
"Harder!" she cried, gripping the workbench tightly."Harder!""Okay," I said."What's the gross national product of Nicaragua?"
"Are you sure you can take the pain?" she demanded, brandishing stilettos."I think so," I gulped. "Here we go, then," she said, and showed me the receipt.
"Punish me!" she cried. "Make me suffer like only a real man can!""Very well," I replied, leaving the toilet seat up.
LoL
Rita
Comments
On my Facebook I did my own
On my Facebook I did my own spoof, called 50 3/8 shades of chartreuse. The main characters biggest fetish is tying shoe laces. I'll have to pull to tomorrow and out it here when the computer is on
And here it is
An excerpt of fifty and 3/8ths shades of Chartreuse A soon to be novel from the mind of Raff01
Each bit of lace was in place and his heart raced as he tugged on the ends of the lace that were resting in his hands. He had to make sure the leather under them was pressed against the skin. He began to make a bow, his breathing getting ragged as he pulled one loop through another and he found it hard to concentrate.
“See, this is why I don't let you tie my shoes. You get too weird.†A male voice said, making him realize that he had zoned out while tying someones shoes, again. He looked up to his friend, who was frowning and shaking his head. “Come on Dude, we're gonna miss the movie.â€
i need to make the part where he's busted to playing with al the shoes at a shoe store and the judge orders him to three months of wearing crocs
I had a far different view
50 shades was a romance. It was about what women think but do not do; secret day dreams.
Some women.
I think you mean some women. And some men, too. Not everyone is into BDSM. I'm certainly not.
BDSM, the etiology of:
I was directly involved in the "scene" for a year or so after my divorce from a 40 year marriage, and discovered that my motivations were different than many of the other participants. They were duly unimpressed with me.
Still, it does not mean that I do not understand pathological aberant behavior quite well. And if I met a man that wanted to engage in the practice lightly, I would be up for it. A little spanking and Ds role play would be lovely. As far as cutting, fisting, choking, not so much.
There are all sorts of things that cause such behavior. Abandonment, physical abuse, lack of love, parents or peers who are themselves so bent that they rule over others with an iron hand and no positive reinforcement. At one time, I would have welcomed lashes on my back rather than being entirely outcast. It is said that those who like to have their junk flogged are ridden with guilt. I would not know.
I would caution anyone not into BDSM to not be too sactimonious about those who are, for often it can be the devout who cause it.
Sanctimonious?
That almost sounds like an implication. Though I'm sure that's not how you meant it. I have a personal distaste for BDSM. I don't think it sexually arousing or pleasing. That does not mean that I disapprove of those who do, or care if someone wishes to take part. Your post generalized women and I responded to that. I'm not quite sure what you mean by "the devout."
Sheds
I believe that started off life on Twitter - @50shedsofgrey
10th Sep: She said she wanted me to be more romantic so I gave her a massage with essential oils - Castrol GTX and WD-40.
25th Sep: 'I love that,' she said. 'I hate that,' she moaned. 'Oh I LOVE that!' she screamed. That's what you get when you use Marmite as a lubricant.
27th Sep: 'I'm so hot and wet,' she moaned. 'I know,' I said, 'It must be tough going through the menopause in Wales.'
But spoofs have preceeded the book. Back in the late 1990s, there was a USENET newsgroup called uk.rec.sheds, which I only knew about because another student at Aberystwyth frequented it and pointed the post out (he may also have contributed the second set):
As the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, then only left-handers are in their right mind!
Fifty Shades was a treat to read as well
as the comments, thanks for posting.
May Your Light Forever Shine
Earlier link
I posted this link to the 'generator'.
http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/blog/39379/half-century-monoch...