http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U4xuZMpmXtc
I'm at my in-laws... no power at home; maybe for another week? But we're all fine. The hardest part of it all was when I went out of state to get gas. I stopped by the library around the corner instead of heading back here right away. I was overwhelmed by a brief feeling of guilt for wanting to stay in contact; feeling sad for wanting to be this part of me. And I cried so hard as to give myself a headache.
Feeling so angry for wanting to be me and no outlet other than to try to think about writing while falling asleep. I'm sorry, but I've grown so tired and there are days that seem so hopeless; especially when there are so many to 'convince' and even some who claim to be supportive but still consider me a freak. Unfathomable? I'm going to be okay, and I'll pull out of this. We are who we are...not who we should be or are 'supposed to be, but who we really are purely by the grace of God. I didn't choose this; I would never wish this dichotomy of personhood on my worst enemy. I don't understand why people don't understand that, either. Please forgive me for being so frail? You folks mean the world to me. As much as I want to be strong for the benefit of others, I can at least say that I derive as much strength if not more from you all than I could ever impart. Enjoy the video and know that I'm alright.
Comments
"Please forgive me for being so frail?"
Nothing to forgive, dear. I wish I had an answer hon, but short of coming out and taking what comes, I dont know one.
Glad you are safe
Glad that you are safe. Taking a few minutes to keep you sanity is nothing to be upset or ashamed about. If this is the place that helps you survive day to day, then just do it. Better some time at Bikini Beach, then turning to dangerous outlets. Hope you get power soon.
Rami
RAMI
Lift your chin
What's wrong with wanting...
For wanting to be me?
Why feel angry with 'yourself'
When it's the other self we see.
Most of us will take more care…
If we see a friend like you in need.
For the hallmark of a friend…
is to be a friend indeed.
You'll always have good memories…
to call on when you're sad;
Just recall those special times
and ALL the friends who make you glad.
*HUGS*
*HUGS*
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Drea
I cant speak for everyone but you are loved here as you are.Yes this is a part of you embrace it hold it make it yours. There is a saying life gives you what you need not what you want I think that's crap be your self don't feel guilty about what you feel. Scream at the top of your lungs I am Woman hear me roar as the song goes. I give you my deepest and most heartfelt hugs. You are Drea a kind loving strong person with a hell of a fun side. Life tends to kick us once in a while don't let it if you can. If you cant get back up and put one foot in front of the other and keep going till you can reach your dreams and hold them tight. i hope all goes well your in my thoughts rues
We are each as God made us!!!
I know not everyone believes that, but it's something I realized at 17 at a very low point in my life. I had to decide then if I would hate myself or accept myself: Whether I would give in to depression and grief over the way I was and just call it quits or accept myself as a unique individual created by God. I had an epiphany: It was this... We are each as god made us and God does NOT make mistakes! I am who I am, with all the contradictions and desires and attributes and differences that I was created with. Should I hate myself for this: Of course not!
All any of us can do is accept and love ourselves as we were made and try to live as the best person we can be. We are each unique and individual and very special! No mater how we started or how we finish we are all wonderful creations. Some of us will make wonderful changes in ourselves and our lives while others will not. Either way, we all deserve to be loved, valued and supported by all the rest of us.
I don't know why I have the needs and longings and imperatives I do, but I do know they have been with me since I was born. Is it a curse or a gift or is it both? For me it's both! I have feelings and insights and empathy that most men will never know... Has it made my life harder? Yes. Oh my God yes!!!
Will I ever make the life changes I desire? I don't know. For now responsibility and love prevent it! Perhaps someday...
I refuse to hate myself or others, and I love you all!
Ole
We are each exactly as God made us. God does not make mistakes!
Gender rights are the new civil rights!