What I want and What I am

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One of the novels I love the most in life is Les Miserables. I've read both books, the abridged and unabridged, saw the play on Broadway (which is the only place to see a Broadway play), owned the cd, watched the pbs special from O2, and take a lot at any movie that comes out (one is due on Christmas).

There is a reason I say that. I want to write something that can effect others just as much as Les Miz has affected me. I want to show the inter-connectivity of lives. I want to reach down into a persons soul and make them feel the exact emotion that I am trying to portray. I want to mention a line and be able to bring a tear to your eye or a smile to your face.

But, I think it is time to admit this to myself, I don't have that kind of talent. I am a hack, at best. I'm not very original. Even parts that people think are original were borrowed from somewhere. I just regurgitate stuff I've read or have seen on TV. I try though, and I try to get better, but I think I might have maxed out my potential.

I am beginning to realize that those things I wrote that I thought were good are nothing more than mediocre, and the stories I feel are mediocre are probably best if I deleted them and hope no copy survives.

I think I will finish this new novel, just because I made a commitment to it, and let someone else take up the gauntlet. Someone please write something that is like Les Mis, I need to feel again.

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