Hi

I've read a lot of different stories over my time; straight, TG, sex, horror, historic, etc. There are some story types that I find too uncomfortable to read, because they make me very upset. But just because I've read something, doesn't mean I'm going to try it. I didn't become TG because I read TG stories. I don't get the whips out because I've read 50 Shades. I'm also not what I write - I totally disagree with some things I write in stories.

It also depends what you regard as a fettish - to some people they might not see it as that. In some ways TopShelf isn't a TG site, but a T* site. In fact there are 254 shades of grey here (#00 is white and #FF is black)!

Karen

First, everything in my life revolves around my belief in Heavenly Father. However, I have nothing to lose by telling the brutal truth.

I think I was probably addicted to sex shortly after my onset of puberty. By explanation, with a completely loveless home life; never having hear the words, "I love you"; never having felt valued or loved, the advent of Masturbation was like a warm breath of air in an otherwise barren life. I only felt guilt as a result of the condemnation of my distant and unaffectionate parents. This continued for the balance of my life.

I would not understand the full implications of my odd nature until I was approaching 60 years old.

Gradually, it began to dawn on me that when I saw pretty women, I was somehow jealous, and when having intercourse with my wife, while she thought I was being the male, in reality in my own mind, I was thinking of myself as the woman. These musings would eventually lead to my complete sexual dysfunction starting around 35 years of age.

You are asking a question as if there were a simple answer, and that really underscores your lack of understanding of the subject matter.

When I finally started down the T path, thinking I was somehow trans-gendered, around 1995, I had no idea about the things I would find out. Under counseling, in the early 90's, deeply repressed memories began to surface, and they were so terrifying to me that I had my first suicide attempt. It was then that I remembered my coming out for the first time when I was about 4 years old; donning my sisters skirt and declaring that I was like her. This got me one of the worst beatings I can remember, and after that I was often beaten, sometimes to unconsciousness.

Somehow, in my mid teens, after unspeakable abuse, I seemed to have forgotten all this. Later I would marry, serve in the Army, have children, and do my utmost to make a loving, affectionate family.

Tragically, lurking beneath the surface were dark things that I would at first feel deep shame over. As a result of my extremely abusive childhood, later in life I find myself drawn to BDSM, and fetishistic corsets. It has not taken over my life, but I have had to face that it is there, and try to understand the etiology.

It would not be until after my SRS, a great deal of intense counseling (4 years), and a great deal of pain, that I would find certain details about myself that were astonishing. First, there is subtantial her-say evidence that I was born with female organs, but they were removed at birth; not even being documented. I know of a half dozen people, some on this site that can relate similar experiences. Then Just last year, in 2011, in a Kariotype test, paid for by my church, I would find that while I am genetically XY, I have partial androgen insensitivity syndrome (PAIS).

For most people, unless you are a currently active genetic researcher, forget what you think you know about genetics and being inter-sexed. So, it is likely that had the doctor made a different decision at birth, I could have grown up to be a reproductive female or as it was, became a reproductive male, though my mind would never be male, no matter how hard they tried to remake me.

Happily, in the years since SRS, my sexual drive has declined to a tiny part of what it once was. Oh, to be sure, I am attracted to men for their butts and looks, but also for their minds, intelligence and dominance. However, they must have manners, cleanliness and be gentle and kind to women.

I am blessed in that I live in deep stealth and in the area where I live it is rare that anyone even cares if they do find out.

I hope that this answers your questions, and I would be happy to answer any PM you send me.

Much peace

Khadijah

As others have said, I tend to avoid that sort of story. I have declared several times that I write love stories. There are often extremely grim episodes there, and in Sweat and Tears I got as dark as I ever want to, but I believe in redemption, humanity, love in all its forms.
I have also said many times that I do not 'get' crossdressing, that it doesn't speak to me. That has never been intended as a condemnation but as a simple observation. I also don't get marmite, football, snooker, cricket, cars...

So much of what the OP calls 'fetishistic' is about feminisation, obviously. Again, I have said this before, and I have put the words into the mouths of my characters: I never yearned for particular clothing. I never pined for the ability to wear a dress. I just wanted, needed, yearned, pined for a life where wearing such a thing could be a normal event.