I want to say thank you to all of those of you who have taken the time to read the schlock I've writen. (Yes, I know that's a bit of self-degredation, but I lack self confidance.) The only thing that puzzles me, is that in the first thousand reads of chapter 1 of "A Cop Story" no one has left any comments about the story. *shrugs* Oh well, I guess you all didn't like it that much. So the story ends where it is. I just hope the new one I'm working on is up to the standard set by the amazing writers that are on this site.
Much love
Toni
Comments
Well......
I read all of your stories in other places, and quite enjoyed them all.
I personally would love to see you take "A Cop Story" further. For that matter I would
really like to see you take "Becoming Antonia" further as well.
I have enjoyed your work since I first came across it. Please keep writing.
Kate
"While the rest of the human race are descended from monkeys, redheads derive from cats."
Kate
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes." William Gibson
Toni
Everyone who reads a story should leave a comment. A lot do not. But the point I wish to make is, and what a lot of new authors do, is demand comments. Its a touchy subject, I truly do not know the answer to it other than to write for your enjoyment. Sooner or later, you will discover the medium of genre and topic that a lot of readers who read at BC enjoy and create a fantastically written tale people will gobble up with comments. I am asking you to keep on writing. Keep on continuing all of the tales you write. I will get around to reading them myself. Its hard for me to read anything at the moment with the workload I have at BC, at home and work on top of spending my free personal time with authors to help them write. For me its plain hard. But it does not mean I do NOT like your story. It's just I havent gotten around to reading it.
Please keep writing it Toni.
BigCloset TopShelf
division
This place is one of the best going and as result attracts a lot of good quality writing. There are several things running at present that attract a lot of hits/reads/comments and then there are all the others which need to split the remaining attention/time. You posted 3 multi part stories at once which probably split the audience a little further. You write well, but to me ( as you said yourself earlier) maybe the emotional angle needs a little work.
Antonia is good as is cop story. Note worked fine but got a little overwrought in the last bit. Just my view and please don't take it as a put down in any way. Aint none of us perfect and here's a great place to work it through. Get the feel and enjoy... do not be discouraged. Plenty of room and help is only a comment away. We all have weak spots... recognising them can be the tough bit. Scribble on.... I do.
Kristina
asking for comments......
I wasn't really asking for comments. I was simply pointing out that in over a thousand reads, no one has left one. I wasn't begging or anything like that. I have posted this story on another site, and again, over a thousand reads per chapter and zero comments about it.
As an author that is self contious about my work. I read every comment posted about every chapter I write. I use what is said to try to make the story better. It's not a matter of begging for comments, or anything like that. However it's difficult for a writer to improve if there is no feedback from the readers. I had entertained thoughts of continuing the story a bit, but I'm not sure how to, or what should happen.
Truth be told, this story was banged out in a single 24 hour time span. It was something that just came to me, and I went with it. I was going through the process of becoming a part of the NYPD, but have since found out that the process they put you through is the single most fucked up thing I've ever had the displeasure of being a part of. This story was writen after a series of dreams I had before I found all this out.
Thank you for those of you who have taken the time to give me feedback on any of what I have penned. I have been using it to help make future chapters better, stronger, faster.... oh wait, no, that's from a TV show. But I have been trying to use what has been said to improve the stories. That's enough rambling for now.
Much love.
Toni
re:comments
I find there are two ways to get comments, right stuff that pushes peoples' buttons, or ask for them at the end of your stories. I do now quite openly as you may have seen, although I try to make it a joke. If you make a mistake, you'll get plenty! Its a bit like the poster from the 80s, "When I do good, nobody notices. When I do bad, no one forgets."
If you get really lucky, you might get 1 comment per 50-100 reads. When you see several on one of mine, it usually means commenters are commenting on other comments. Or I cocked up big time.
Keep writing, they'll eventually get the message.
Angharad
Angharad
I understand the frustration ...
I have several chapters of Amazon and Ma'at that have nearly 1000 hits and not a comment to be seen.
But I write because the stories demand I write them; feedback would be nice, though.
Nicole (a.k.a. Itinerant)
--
"Freedom begins when you tell Mrs. Grundy to go fly a kite."
Robert A. Heinlein
Nicole (a.k.a. Itinerant)
--
Veni, Vidi, Velcro:
I came, I saw, I stuck around.
Okay, Okay ... I liked it. Happy now, Toni?
Toni,
Sometimes I get so busy, sidetracked, whatever I don't comment.
As to comments in general, it's unpredictable. Great stories sometimes get few comments until they have time to build a base of readers. Serials are particulaly tricky that way as some readers are so burned by never completed ones they won't read serials period.
As to your three parter, the first part alone was bitter, the second part showed the power of friends and the last part was bittersweet but she will go on. It was a bit over the top, the last part and why the former girlfriend turned oh her needed justification -- is she jealous or what -- but as you say it was an experimant. For the most part it works pretty well and could be re-written as the core part of a larger story. But do ditch the Chryslers, jesse.
__ Ford owner snickers --
Finding Antionia is great and I like the changes to the new version mostly. The girlfriend Susan he/she pushed away at the hospital, I'm superszed she didn't try to contact Antonia again. She came off as a simpathetic and stilll loving in the hospital. Maybe she just is in tears from being cast aside? We will see. I loved this bitter sweet rollercoaster love(s) story and I hope to see it completed.
A Cop Story begs more, such as what will their child think? Is there a way forund, say five years down the road to change him back or make the wife male? What would they do then? Is there a way for the transformed man to have her wife's child? Do they stay police or become professional body builders and so on.
You are not bad now and practice will make better.
As to Angharad, her silly comments at the end of AEAFOAB have encouraged comments on her monumentally long serial.
Itinerant is a fav of mine -- not only becasue he is my primary proofer and sometime colaberator -- but he does a great slowburn style of TG fiction. The reader needs to be patient but the rewards are greater for it.
Keep writing, Toni
No, I can't resist ...
"Your Grrrreat!"
John in Wauwatosa
John in Wauwatosa
MOPAR
To quote my grandfather... "You can have my MOPAR when you pry it out of my cold dead hands."
Oh wait, that was his Thompson gun. What did he say? OH RIGHT! "1,8,4,3,6,5,7,2. If you have to ask then you don't speak Hemi." LOL
Much love.
Toni
A firing order
I love old V8s.
My grandfather's 40 Merc had one and I rode in it in the early 60s. In the 40s that would have been a Wisconsin State Patrol squad. We also had a 64 Fairlane with a 260 and a 73 Montery Custom with the small engine, the 400. That car proved to me a car need not be noisy to be fast.
I do like the 69/70(?) Dodge Daytonas, with the long droop snout a little like a Concord and the high thin rear spoiler -- what great lines -- the last true STOCK stock cars.
You write with passion, keep at it.
You should see my early stuff. You're doing fine.
Looks at who has said kind words to you, some of BC's best authors/authoresses.
BC needs more fresh meat, um, new writers to stay healthy. Welcome aboard.
John in Wauwatosa
John in Wauwatosa
1969 was the Superbird
1970 was the Daytona.The superbird was based on the Road Runner with the sloped nose and the big rear wing and held an 80% win record.The Daytona was based on the Charger and also had an 80% win record despite the Hemi being banned in the car and running the 440.The rear wing made so much down force that they actually had a problem with it popping tires at speed when they first tried it.The rear wing is also made out of aircraft aluminum and is bolted in the trunk of the car you can stand on it.I was laughing when Nascar was saying that they were bringing out the car of tommorow and the drivers were saying nascar car cars don't run wings they run spoilers young pups.Lol Amy
John is obviously wrong
After all, all the top teams in NASCAR drive Chevys! And that is the Chevy smallblock firing order as well. And as for prying the Mopar out of his cold, dead hands - isn't that how most Chrysler owners end up - dead? I much prefer to survive in Chevy as opposed to dying in a Chrysler. ;)
Baseball, hot dogs, apple pie, and Chevrolet!
Karen J.
Down with ego photo sigs!
“When a clown moves into a palace, he doesn’t become a king. The palace becomes a circus.” - Turkish Proverb
actually John is write
The winningest driver in Nascar history is Richard Petty and he drove Mopars and had 200 wins.Dale Earnhardt was only the seventh winningest driver and is probably the most popular of all Chevy drivers.In the sixtys and early 70's Chevy was unable to compete with Ford or Chrysler so they whined and cried a lot and the rules were changed to give Chevy a chance.If you look at Chevy's race winning history a big majority is do to the ristrictor plate a device invented to handicap Ford and Chrysler.Buddy Baker drove a 1970 Dodge Daytona to the first 200 mph lap at Talladega on March 24,1970.In Drag racing all top fuel and funny cars are powered by some form of the Chrysler style Hemi regardless of wether the body says Ford or Chevy.The drivers with the most wins in drag racing ran mopars(Shirley Muldowney,Don Garlits) with the exception of Bob Glidden (pro stock) who ran mostly Fords but won one year running Dodges.The landspeed record for a normaly aspirated engine is held by Al Teague he ran 411 mph with a single Hemi at Bonneville.Chryslers race history is similiar to the story of David and Goliath they are the little company that kicked butt.Also the first million dollar muscle car was the Hemi Cuda convertible and Mopar Musclecars hold a value above Ford and General motors ones.Amy M just a slight Mopar lover LOl
History
That was then, way back when. This year the best are the Chevys. Adapt or die (or lose). Case closed. ;)
KJT
Down with ego photo sigs!
“When a clown moves into a palace, he doesn’t become a king. The palace becomes a circus.” - Turkish Proverb
Two words...
Ronny Sox. Has anyone heard of the Sox & Martin Racing Team? THE single most dominant dragracing team in history. And what did cars they use class? Yes, you, the young lady in the back. *checkes her seeting list* Amy M.... "Yes, you are correct, They too drove Hemi cars.
And Karen, I'd like to point the SBC in it's now traditional form was brought out well after the first Hemi's. In fact, the first Hemi's were brought out right after the war, 1951 to be exact. The Chrysler Red Ram, and the DeSoto Firedome. By the way, I didn't know that there were so many other gear heads here... *does her happy dance.*
Now, John, I did just look at who has been sending me comments, and a chill ran up my spine. I've been reading some of their works for years. And to know that they are reading the schlock that I've been putting out... that fact alone makes me want to become a better writter.
Aardvark, you just said the same thing Sephrena said to me earlier. You are right, my stories don't follow the normal, and you know what, after speaking to her earlier today, I like it that way. I know I'm new here, and not everyone knows my stuff from the other sites I've posted on, but I'm just going to continue to write how I write, and see what happens.
The main reason I haven't been putting a bit of mistery in my work is that I try to make sure that the reader has as clear a picture about what is going on as I can offer. That isn't to say that I haven't put some foreshadowing in my work, but noting that could be considered a cliffhanger.
I am going over the newest chapters of "Becoming" to see how they flow, and I've already spotted some changes I'm going to make. Also, like I've been teasing you all with for a while now, I'm working on a new story, and I've gone over some of that already. I'll be using suggestions that Sephrena gave me, and I hope it will be a better story then anything else I've done to date.
Thank you all for the warm welcome to BC. I finally feel that I am at the outlet for my work, where it is meant to be. I feel at home with you all. That being said, like siblings, we will bicker, but I know in my heart that we all love eachother, and if worse came to worse, we'd all be there for one another. Nowhere else in the universe is that the case. Like Sephrena told me earlier... "all we have is eachother." And you know what, if that's all I have, it's more then I'll ever need. With friends like you all, this world just became a better place to live.
Much love.
Toni
P.S.
Would anyone like to become my proofer? I've seem to have some gramaticle errors that I've over looked. It would be helpful to have someone I can shoot each chapter to for the once over before I put it up here. Just shoot me a PM if your willing to help.
It Happens
Some stories are in that place where there isn't a whole lot poignant to say. The story might roll along competently, lacking overwhelming attributes, good and bad. Some outstanding stories don't get comments because (I think) they don't quite fit an expected mold. Sometimes the reviewers are waiting to see a resolution before they're willing to stick their necks out. Personally, I've had plenty of chapters with over a thousand hits, or close to it, and no comments, some here, and some on the old BC.
Aardvark
"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony."
Mahatma Gandhi
"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony."
Mahatma Gandhi