Transition happened, I'm back at work. It's almost as if for the rest of the world, nothing happened. Why am I so surprised?

As previously noted, my transition happened. In so many ways, I'm a VERY HAPPY girl! Okay, the day I found out I had to cancel my FFS (Facial Feminization Surgery) - which also happened to be the day I got my new drivers license - was a high followed by a crash. I've continued updating records here, there and around. Some bits have been easier than others to get updated (American Express couldn't tell the difference between a middle innitial with a period and without, if you can believe that.)

But, things are sliding to a new "normal". I pass, much of the time (what a relief!), though, I do still get "Sir'd" and referred to with "he/him" (more later). The day I was supposed to have had my surgery, I went and got a nice new hair style... It's actually shorter (some layers) with bangs (they are NOT easy to get used to! LOL)... Most of the time, I'm quite happy with it... Of course, with my fine hair, a bit of a breeze and it's all over the place (I do so not like to use "glue" - hair spray), specially into the mouth. Yuck. Go ahead, you can laugh at me...

My wardrobe is okay - not overly extensive, but for work - I can manage a week without repeat... And, for casual wear I've been fine for a long time (though, I may eliminate a few items - again more later). I test drove part of the wardrobe last week - to go get my new work ID (photo/name)... :-) It was long enough that I could tell that the pumps I got would work JUST FINE! Which is a relief.

Work has been really good. My colleagues (and management) were trained on the 13th and our diversity office sent my colleages a long letter from me to them, where I explained things in my terms. (I got quite a few thank you's for the letter! and a lot of e-mails of support.)

My church, my transition there has been almost a "non" event. (I didn't even get my 15 minutes of fame there. *sighs*) The only surprise was that a few folks had thought my name change / showing up in a skirt/blouse to service was part of a joke. This was NOT the reaction I expected. A few (mostly among the older members) don't 'get' it... And still use the old name/pronouns, but most have been very good/careful to use the right pronouns and name. It's what some expected, but I guess I was just not believeing it could be that "easy". The WORST reaction I've seen was one couple who suddenly stopped comming (She left part way through service my first day.) and haven't been back. But, if that's the worst, I can live with it (I just hope they find a churhc home they can be happy in).

Since my haircut, I've rarely been miss-pronouned... One really screwy time (bright pink blouse, some cleavage showing, and a "may I help you, sir"... I did a double take... But, with my hair pulled back (when it's really hot out, my hair seems to trap it next to the back of my head, so - up to a ponytail. With most of my blouses this hasn't been an issue. But, I've a few blue/green (pastel) polo shirts that when I wear them, it's as if suddenly some folks think I'm a guy... (Same size/style lavender polo shirt is no problem. Go figure.) Then, today in the hospital... Despite my name being obviously female. Once I was into the "wonderful gown" (it opens in the back) with the hair pulled back... The nurse repeatedly use masculine pronouns (Up to that point it had been Ms.... And ma'am, etc. by all the others). *sighs* So, yeah... With the right attire and my hair down, I pass okay. Take that away, and apparently not. :-(

Now, what caused my FFS to be cancelled? My quiet disease decided to stop being quiet... (I have CLL Leukemia... And, through March, it was poking along doing nothing fast for the past five years.) I go in for my pre-op clearance physical exam, and the blood work says maybe not... Blood work 2 days before my FFS says "no way". I'm anemic now - among other things. *sighs* But, I still feel FINE! Invisible diseases SUCK! Good news is my doc says with chemo it's likely to go into full remission in a few months (4-6) and I can reschedule surgeries then. So, by the time I can think about scheduling any surgery, I'll be at least 2/3 the way through my Real Life Test... :-) I was in the Hospital today, getting a port-a-cath (to facilitate the chemo).

The amazing thing is how up-beat I feel, despite the surgery cancellation and the hastles getting my name changed everywhere and all. I can't seem to stay depressed (even with bad new - like the death of my favorite uncle)... :-) Now don't you all know more than you ever wanted? I hope a few of you found it worth while reading this far. Thank you all.

Annette