I would like to thank all of you for your help and advice, regarding my last few posts, i know i dont often comment, that has more to do with limited time, and typically not always knowing how to repond to all your lovely grand comments which i whole heartedly thank you all for it.

My health at least feels like its getting much better. even though it is uncureable, but the puffers help so at least the infection has seemingly subsided.

I have also been working on revising my first story, and after that plan to work through its second part or even revise that too. As well I am working on 2 other stories atm such as my take on the myth of an extended version of the greek seer-oracle and wise man/woman tiresias and another story with a fantasy about an athenian prince that becomes an amazonan queen.

I have a wedding to attend in august and getting some shopping done so I can begin violin lessons.

I have also been active outside of the house too socializing and I guess in a sense getting some kind of a teen girl life somewhat late in my early adult years (23) llol.

I had a few runins but rare ones, where i was 'spotted' and insulted and even rudely called a 'fucking freak' but at least thats minor to what ive been called lol.

The documentary went well, and the producer even said i will probably get a call back to do an individual hour long interview for like bonus features or another documentary at a later date, though this one should be out at least for schools in a year or two, at least thats what my coproducer friend said. This pic was taken droping my grandma off at my aunts before we went to toronto to shoot.

(left to right: grandma, me cousins gf cat, and my aunt brenda, cousin jen had taken the photo)

As for my grandma read below is what i wrote tonight in regards to her daily character and dealings with her that conspire most everyday and night.

My Grandmother's mental health , and some other physical biological aspects of her health, have been decreasingly increasing over the past year. Even being diagnosed with alztimers, newer areas in which she has aquired arthritis, yeast infections have happened many times, and a few strokes. Some of her mental and emotional well being has turned negative resulting from my perspective of possibly mourning my late grandfather.
Although, my dad and I try our hardest to take care of her and keep in constant mind and reassurance to respect the sensitivity of what shes going through it seems that she neither cares no appreciates our help. She often has stated she doesnt need any help one minute, and the next be like she cant live alone at her age. Stressfullness within all three of us my dad grandmother and I have increased, and I have even added alztimers caretaking venting to my counselling agenda within my GID agenda of my counselling.
We have asked for help from family members to pitch in and help and even though its once in a blue moon someone else takes care of her besides us or a red cross nurse, most other family members have not taken her as there responsibility, even though such as my aunt is her power of attorny, has solely put the responsibility of her on dad and I, and will often make excuses rather real or made up, to not come around and relieve us for a few days of the responsibility of her(typical: afraid of her on the stairs, even though here at home she often walks up and down the stairs about a dozen or more times a day and uses the railing). My uncle had come once, for very little time for the first time in a few years and that day during his sitting of her she suffered a stroke.
She often asks incoherent questions, becomes argumentative, hostile verbally, and often pulls victim cards. She will daze out and not pay attention even while waiting for a question or even questions to be answered, sometimes repeating the question and not listening for the answer resulting in our having to repeat sometimes over a dozen times, this resulting in the increasing of our stress sometimes causing heated discussions, arguments and even raised voices. With the raised voices it is often because she even admits she cant hear, and often chooses by her own admited statement that its too stressful to change her hearing aid battery everyday, which with her hearing calls for it. She will often ask, demand and often get emotional when the volumes of a conversation increases, due to this, even though if we dont raise our voices she rarely hears us or even contimplates and understanding no matter the amount of continual repeating of the subject and or answer at hand.
Often she will do things that are dangerous, hazardous to her helth and well being and even could result in the same for ourselves. She has to be reminded how to do certain things often, because of her ill understanding of how or why thats dangerous, and a complete hazard, such as using a thin napkin to take out a hot tray from the oven(she has burnt herself often because she doesnt want to use a oven mit), to placing a metal bowl in the microwaves ( the late microwave was blown up after she did that to clean it for who knows what reason) and even going out for walks alone, often not telling us shes leaving or even sometimes forgetting to even attept to take a walking aparatice like her walker or a cane.
She has not yet, given in to the fact that she cannot do what she used to be able to do. Causing her to become, over exasperated, sore, tired, weakened, and even blowing many of her alztimers and physical problems out of regular proportions.
She often even addmitted that our 24/7 attention we give her is often not enough even though she gets added attention usually by phone and the occasional visitations from friends and some family other then ourselves. Dad and I will often take her out sometimes surprising her for a change of drives to places such as stratford, long country drives, visits with members of distant living familys, icecream treating and even taking her to eat out which she often requests; often on top of this last minute grocery shopping because she likes to do it herself and often doesnt pick up enough of what we need in a trip, and or often forgets what is needed. Sometimes resulting in 2 or more extra trips a day.
She is often frightened, usually telling us regarding why and what by who got her to become frightened. usually to the point of having the house locked 24/7. 'In' keep it locked, 'go out' lock it when u leave. which i can often understand as I often sleep with a light on myself and a knife under my matress (since an event of abuse by my step dad), and a knife in my purse from an attempted attack that happened last year.
She will often become agumentative and complain about things that sometimes apeal to her, usually her health or her own ill concieved view that she gets no attention, no one listens to her consistantly repeating the same thing/s over and over again retelling the same things, such as stories, and issues even though its rarely something new. Other times complaining and argueing about her lack of understanding issues not pertaining to her, that she will read in the paper or mistake from switching tv channels misinterpreting it as a whole program that is incoherantly in her mind not making sense, or even getting worked up over issues with other members of the family that are happening in her life that she gets upset about because of her lack of ability to understand any part of it.
She often has stated that she is fine and nothing is wrong with her, and that everyone in her view believes shes fine because she often says they tell her nothing is wrong with her, which i think results because they neither see how shes like on a daily basis, what really goes on as she hyperactively overreacts some things and underreacts others, usually placing hersself in a very pacist light to herself and others, especially when others see her, she is on her very best behaviour and often alot more pacist and seems more attentive hyper and less ill healthed then she is on a regular basis then she is with us.
Dad and I try to take time for ourselves, though rarely getting the chance, we never leave her at home alone without at least one of us here in case of emergency. The only times we get to spend with eachother is usually the occasional apointments or sometimes to just get out while shes on the phone or at her sister's apartment, though often she will tag along with us because if out of town, it is hard to get anyone to pitch in with there responsibility of her. I however have been getting out more, although i have a hard time to because i know dad needs me here, but per to counselling, like i was told i have to get out and take time for myself (especially as i was diagnosed with caretakers burden in march 2012). Dad even tries to get out occasionally too.
However; when we do get out we both get it from the other about the others leaving from grandma who constintely gets worred and confused as to why that person left etc.
Other occurances within her character put myself in even more worry, stress, and clusterphobia as well as a insomnia. Due to the added pressures of her nighttime regiment.
Often getting up in the middle of the night moving the dining room furniture several times a night, constantly reawakening to use the washroom, often thinking she forgot to take her medication, trying to find us or even ghosts that are no longer around such as that of her deceased siblings, parents, and even my grandfather her late husband. Which sometimes results in keeping me awake, because of the noise, helping her find the unfindable, making sure she doesnt fall like which has happened at night because of these escapades, or even because she needs the bathrrom often, even though i was told to wait till night for my shoers, which often limit hygenic care for myself. Although I am not supposed to help pick her up cause of my back and the weight of it, if dad is asleep at night when this is happening i would rather help her up myself then add the stress to him as he too deserves at least a little rest as he does majority of her care.
Usually what i Have and continue to do when i can, is typically help cook and clean and watch her, help her with the television, and keep an eye out so shes not doing anything that can be potentially hazardous, and even sometimes helping her with her meds, if dad is busy. Even had done grocery shopping myself when we had gotten low, purchasing a cart which broke a few monthes ago. However, when it comes to kitchen work, i do not allow her to get in my space, if she does i typically get fed up out of clusterphobia and stress, and she tends to get under foot, and our techniqiues are often indifferent to one another's, and she often says she wants to learn, though i tried to teach her but teaching someone with a limited memory and concentration is like trying to teach a fish.
I love her very much, but even to those like myself that don't say much it is very stressful, and if it wasn't for dad, I would have looked into getting my own place a while ago, i need him, and in my mind i think he needs me here. I have often cried from a few breakdowns a couple times dad has even noticed it, tried to help but at the same time was unable to because like he said she cant help it and its her house, and on limited funds/fixed income atm theres nothing much we can do about living arangements atm. It is not easy everyday to watch someone u love to deminish to a point where they are neither themselves anymore nor are they even seemingly alive. When I check on her and see shes lying still on her chair i often see if shes breathing, and i think i have already gotten myself prepared incase i wake up the next day and shes no longer around. I just hope that she gets better, its becomeing very difficult to see these things on a everyday basis like they are.

other then all this not very much at all has happened or even going on