Lady Fairburn's moles

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Lady Fairburn’s moles

This is for all the readers of Susan Brown’s wonderful Penmarris stories who somehow believe that Lady Fairburn’s problems with moles are, how can I say this, somewhat exaggerated.

If the link below works, you can hear that Baroness Bety Boothroyd, former speaker of the House of Commons has a similar problem.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/today/hi/today/newsid_9669000/9669126.stm

I hope it works, it is quite entertaining

Love to All

Anne G.

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What Lady Fairburn Should Do

She should make her property a mole sanctuary. Moles provide a valuable service, and should be protected.

Portia

JUST WHAT IS THIS VALUABLE SERVICE??? WIKIPEDIA SAYS THEY KILL EARTHWORMS (WHICH DO PROVIDE A BENEFICIAL SERVICE...(AERATION). THE ONLY THING I EVER GOT FROM A MOLE WAS A BROKEN BONE IN MY FOOT WHEN I ACCIDENTALLY STEPPED ON A TUNNEL. I SAY, "SHOOT 'EM"

KUDOS TO LADY FAIRBARN

Failure To Cope With Nature

Man's failure to understand the complexity of nature is leading to global chaos. Probably the one animal/organism that has the least beneficial affect on the natural order of things is man. Moles eat many other organisms besides worms. They help keep things in balance. They aerate the soil, too. They don't kill earthworms any more than we kill cows, deer, ducks, geese, fish, pigs, etc. I guess that makes us evil just like the lions, tiger, and pythons. Great expanses of lawn are totally contrary to natures way. All the moles are trying to do is restore the balance that man has f***ed up. Kill the moles and the grubs will kill the grass. Kill the grubs with insecticide. They become resistant and take over the area making lawns ungrowable. Too bad we don't have any moles. Watch where you walk. Interpret what you see. Gain knowledge. Apply it.

Portia

That was in my "before time".

That was in the 80's when I was still giving award winning performances impersonating a male. :) I had some of that toxic testosterone on board, and to deflect criticisms of my effeminate voice, carriage, and grace, everything I did was while in the state of denial of my true nature.

Of course this was in my back yard in the city, and of course, I'd never destroy the poor creatures on a farm.

Gwendolyn

I beg your pardon.

But great expanses of lawn are not contrary to nature, you just come from a weird part of the world or have been brain washed by one set of combatants in this millions year old war.

Grasslands rule, and though some grasses are less valued than others, that changes nothing!! We should be honorable to the grasses! Chop down a tree today!

My lawn is buffalo grass, which it was when the only humans around here were only around here to thin out the buffalo (American Bison), and the bison only exist to keep the grasses (even the taller ones and the ones with big ears of corn (I mean the old meaning of corn here, not just maize)) mowed and well fertilized.

The grasses in their wisdom created humanity as an ally in their war with the trees! That is our purpose; can't you see that? But what happened? Just on the verge of victory humans turned on the grasses. Look what happened; they made Arbor Day a holiday! Geez. After millennium of the grasses nurturing and feeding those creatures, they actually started plating trees -- "'cuz they're pretty".

There used to be a lawn that went from the tundra to the Gulf of Mexico (except some spots around the rivers that hadn't been conquered yet), but you say large lawns are unnatural? Baa. I say again: Baa. You're a trader - a trader in the oldest, longest war earth has ever had. (Or maybe human beings realized almost in time that victory by either the trees or the grasses wouldn't be very good? Maybe at least a few know that balance is better?)

The Unlawful Slaying Of Underground Creatures.

I too know the frustration of dealing with the furry creatures. Their fur is so lovely that I should think a bucket full of them could be used to make lovely gloves.

In my back yard, I had such a problem with them that I sat out a dozen traps, flooded them with the hose, poured petrol down the holes and lit it, and thought about using cyanide there, but could not because of the dog.

One sunlit morning, I rose and looked out the window at the lovely dew struck landscape outside and when I looked down I could see a new hill just beginning. In a fit of arousal, I quickly ran to the closet and grabbed my shotgun, (Yes, I am one of those war like Americans and have a gun or two). Well, I found I had no shells for it, so reluctantly reached for my 30.06. I had second thoughts about using it so decided to place the barrel very close to the hill and shoot straight down. The gun discharged, blowing a cantalope sized hole in the ground and making the ground raise a bit down the path of the tunnel. The sound of the discharge was deafening, and I guiltily fled back inside the house and ran to put the gun away. When I walked into the bedroom, my red faced mate was standing on the bed waiting for me. She was about to tear my hide off for waking her in such an explosive way, but when she saw me, she began to laugh and fell down onto the bed.

It seems that when the rifle discharged, it blew quantities of black mucky earth back into my face and all over my night shirt, and into my face and hair.

It was not that long until my door bell rang and upon opening it, there stood my neighbor. I had much explaining to do and he never quite forgave me though I managed to talk him out of calling the plod.

Gwendolyn

Holy Fudd!

LOL! Hope you remembered to don your deerstalker hat and say in your best speech impediment:
"Come out of there, ya Vammit! Before I bwast ya!"

My uncle in Lomita had two dachsunds that used to squeeze down into the burrows and go after the moles. They'd be gone so long I'd start to worry, but they always came back up, with dead moles bigger than they were.

I hear they use moles to make a sauce in Mexican cuisine, called mole sauce. Doesn't sound very good to me...
~~hugs, Veronica

.
"Government will only recognize 2 genders, male + female,
as assigned at birth-" (In his own words:)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C1lugbpMKDU

What the hell!

What the hell size of moles has he got that a bloody dachshund can get down the bloody burrows. I'm not sure where Lomita is, (Sounds like in Angola, Africa to me) but if a bloody Dachshund can got down the burrow the burrow must be at least 6 to 9 inches diameter,
British moles are only about 6 - 8 inches long and about 1.5 to 2 inches accross Max! Their burrows are usually about 2 inches diameter.

Yorr' uncle must've got 'imself some fancy breed of South American or some sort of 'furrin' breed of mole.

Happy mole hunting.

The tales of mole hunting in britain are legion.

One british Comic, Jasper Carrot does a whole half hour scetch concerning his battle with a moile. It's truly funny.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fePU5CIHpas

Well worth watching.

Bev

Growing Old Disgracefully

correction, Bev

Come to think of it, when my uncle's weiner dogs (Snooki and Max) might have found and gobbled up mole or two down there, the burrows were dug by- and their main pray was gophers---which were seldom quite as big as them---and badgers, which in the western US get quite large. In German, dachsund literally means badger-hound, and they were bred for this.

.
"Government will only recognize 2 genders, male + female,
as assigned at birth-" (In his own words:)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C1lugbpMKDU

Yep.

That sounds more like it, gopher holes.

Happy new year darling.

XZXX

Bev

Growing Old Disgracefully

nobody that speaks Mexicoian ever says

"Mole sauce"... The main reason being, 'cuz more 'Xican's' speak 'Merican, than 'Mericans speak 'Mex (though this may change, but not if you use 'Publican definitions of what an American is). It would be like sayin', "A Coke Soda"; "A Kleenex tissue"; "A Xerox copy". No one ever says those, do they?

Sure they say that...

if they pronounce it as one syllable and think it's made out of moles.

.
"Government will only recognize 2 genders, male + female,
as assigned at birth-" (In his own words:)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C1lugbpMKDU

Molesauce

I've just spent a useless almost hour trying to say 'mole sauce'(with a long e) as one syllable, (and some people have to work on New Year's, Laika! even if that don't get insurance and are paid crap)

Mean mole

I make a mean mole myself. Chocolate, peanut butter, tomatoes, peppers, onions, orange juice, beer, garlic, spices and sesame oil go into it. I can never follow that recipe unless I have five or six dozen enchiladas to make for a big party because I don't know how to make a small batch. :)

Hugs,
Erin

= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.

Oh Gwen!

Don't be environmentally unsound. ;-)

Every one is supposed to love and respect all of the Goddess'/God's creatures.

I like what Portia wrote!

Hugs and Bright Blessings,
Renee

Ready for work, 1992.

Hugs and Bright Blessings,
Renee