Jason Erickson was an average highschooler. He was athletic tall and popular, but he wasn't happy. One day while he was walking home from school he and his friend jack came across an open manhole.
"Dare you to go down there!" jack said
"Only if you go down first!" said Jason
Obviously Jason and jack climbed Down... they are highschoolers!
At the bottom of the manhole was something strange and unexpected... a lighted tunnel, and just at the end of the tunnel they could see something glowing. Jack and Jason moved closer to the oddity. once they were closer to it they saw it was a lamp, of sorts. it had a thin handle and spout, quite honestly it looked more like a tea kettle. So slowly and carefully Jack reached out and grabbed it... now jack is a good looking guy but for what ever reason, he couldn't get a girlfriend to save his life. As jack picked up the lamp, something remarkable happened it was as if he and Jason had gotten sucked right inside of the lamp. When they woke up, Jason stood up and gasped, it was defiantly the inside of the lamp but something was wrong. there was furniture a coffee table and even plasma screen tv! but the one thing he noticed was a strange blue-ish man sitting on a sofa.
"alright, let's get this over with, what do you want?" said the figure that by now jason and jack figured was a genie.
" because I feel exceedingly lazy you both get 1 wish and don't argue... or else."
"alright alright" said jack "I wish I had a hot girlfriend"
"And I wish I knew what i was missing in my life" said Jason
"granted" said the genie.
when jack woke up he was in his room alone. "I knew it was to much to ask" he said figuring it had been a dream
When Jason woke up he Immediately knew something was wrong... He was in his room but it was different. he couldn't put his finger on it he out in his contacts and suddenly felt sick... there in the mirror starring back at him wasn't his usual self... standing in the mirror was a 5 foot 8 inch girl with long blonde hair, a nice round butt and c-cup breasts. she had a pink tank top on and tight designer jeans. when Jason reached up to scratch his head in confusion so did she. Then Jason screamed, it wasnt a manly shout but the scream of a teenaged girl. when she had finally finished screaming. Jasons mom walked in " Jasmine are you all right honey?" asked her mom.
"What did you call me mom? nevermind, look at me I'M A GIRL!" Jason, now jasmine screamed.
"of course you are honey, now get ready for school"
Jasmine Fealing so confused, did the only thing she could do, she ran. she ran too the only place she could, jacks house.
When jasmine saw jack something happened, something in her clicked... she ran up to crying then she kissed him, Any Jason left in her was now completely female... from the own they were known as the "perfect couple" in school...
Comments
not bad for a first try
could have been a little less rushed, but not bad.
Dorothycolleen
Very Nice
Short and Sweet and Too the Point...I liked it :)
EOF
Hee Hee...
I can almost imagine me in this story!!
GeenaGurl in MA
GeenaGurl in MA
For a first story this is not to shabby
One thing that you can do to help it is give the characters a bit more of a description besides the "Average" because what is average?
Grammar and Spelling are also something that will come with time. No I am not going to nit pick every little thing as that usually can scare off a new writer.
An Editor will also help find things that you may miss when writing.
All in all you did well, and I would love to see your next story and see how you have improved.
Jayme Ann
The answers to all of life's questions can be found in the face of a true friend
The answers to all of life's questions can be found in the face of a true friend
We Don't Know Jack
This is a good synopsis, and that's probably what you wanted to write. If you were to work with this, providing characterization, back story, scenes with settings, context, and several arcs it could run to about 10,000 words. Angharad could make it into a serial with no visible end in sight and people would love it.
But you do what you do; and let others do what they do.
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
I could really use a wish right now...
A very good first story.
May Your Light Forever Shine
May Your Light Forever Shine