In the first place, apologies are always in order if anyone is offended, or might conceivably be offended, just as one apologises when one shuffles down between the rows in a movie theatre, lest the sight of one's arse cause either apoplexy or hysteria. We all know that this hardly ever happens, at least so one might notice, but still...

Erin's "Rules" are not arbitrary fiat, but the result of long, and sometimes bitter, experience. Comments are unpublished (usually) not because of a single posting, but because they start an unpleasant quarrel which most of us never see, because of the vigilance of the site moderators and Erin.

If your own comment disappears, it may -- in fact -- not be what *you* said, but what the next person in a thread may have said in response, that causes a small cascade of comments to be removed. That same long experience has shown that it's best not to be overly selective when a thread is pruned, but rather to take it out by the roots, so if one wants one's comments to remain pristine, it's best never to "reply" to anything, but post a brand new comment of one's own. That way, if it happens to be unpublished for whatever reason -- let's imagine that the first letters of every other word spell out a vulgar expletive in Armenian or Swahili -- at least one has some possibility of figuring out why.

In any event, many of the writers here are not professionals, inured to rejection letters, hostile editors, contemptuous publishers, and the vagaries of a public mostly indifferent to anyone who supplies either information or entertainment. Most are amateurs, timidly advancing a story -- deeply meaningful, or not -- which may have been building for years before spilling out.

Many of our authors are shy, perhaps timid, after suffering through childhoods filled with rejection and sometimes outright abuse, and often fragile.

Many of our authors are writing in a language which is foreign to them, and/or in a medium which is confusing and hard to understand. Being publicly told -- however "nicely" -- that one is an idiot because:

1. One's spelling skills are inadequate.
2. One's plotline is trite.
3. One's characters are illogical.
4. One's story was: boring, silly, dull, too long, too short, or any other non-positive adjective
5. All of the above.

is thoughtless and cruel. When one's significant other says: "Does this make me look fat?" there is only one sensible reply: "I love it -- and you -- just the way you are."

Few of us are so multicultural that we readily understand the "social conventions" of random countries scattered around the world: Let's see, if this is Tuesday, it must be Brazil, so "Obrigado!" and "Com Licença!" are in order.

Many of us are not particularly well-socialised even in our cultures and countries of birth, for one reason or another; rejection, contempt, childhood teasing, abuse, a long litany of hostile reactions to our essential selves.

And almost none of us have had the responsibility of "cleaning up" the damage caused by a thoughtless remark, either through attempting to soothe the author, or going through the sad process of un-publishing stories at an author's request.

Almost every comment which is in any way a version of "Your story would be perfect... if only it conformed to my desires," should be delivered, if at all, in a private message, or tacitly rebutted by publishing your own perfect story to begin with, thus leading by example.

Cheers,

Puddin'

A tender heart is an asset to an editor: it helps us be ruthless in a tactful way.
--- The Chicago Manual of Style