While on a fruitless search to figure out what I've done with my digital audio recorder, I started to run across stuff I've been holding onto for absolutely no reason. Most of it was just useless junk not even worth mentioning, but it eventually turned into spring cleaning. And then I noticed my old "I'm just a crossdresser, really!" stash.

This consisted of things I never wear anymore, ever, but held onto for sentimental reasons. You know, the sort of thing that wouldn't really be sanitary to donate, or was in no condition for reuse (First bra, first pair of pantyhose, that sort of thing).

I'd been holding onto this stuff for so long as a reminder that I was 'just' a crossdresser. The funny thing is, I haven't "dressed" in over a year and a half. I'll sometimes put on a pair of heels for no real reason other than that I love shoes, but I'm just as likely to slip on my canvas oxfords or my comfy fleece slippers. If I'm depressed and need to feel feminine physically, I'll put on some light jewelry or pull my hair up in a ponytail or such.

The point is, this stuff I was holding onto was, for me, a way I could point to it and say "See? Not really TS." In other words, Denial's not just a river in Egypt :-P

I still have more pairs of women's shoes than men's (For "guy mode" I have my gender neutral, all-white athletic sneakers for workouts, and my ratty old sneakers for everything else. I'd keep them both if I still have them post-transition, whenever that may be :-P) and some older things I'll probably donate to charity, but that's going to require having a talk with Mom, for that whole "I can't drive" thing.

Speaking of can't drive, I found something else I thought you guys might find interesting. I ran across the glasses I had to wear in high school, before my vision 'got somewhat better' - there's a long and, for those with weak stomachs, kind of gross medical story behind that, but I'll leave it out of this blog :-)

So, I'm going to sign off on this with a side-by-side comparison of what I wore then, and what I have now :-)

My old glasses.

And my current/new ones

That's not a trick of the camera. Those lenses really are half an inch thick at the end. It's to allow for a very, very deep curve at my center of vision. It usually took me a week just to get used to wearing a new pair because the focal point changed from pair to pair, resulting in my having no peripheral vision at all until I got used to the "curve". :-)

So, yeah. Zoe had problems WAY before being transgendered came into the equation. :-P

I'm probably going to throw them away. They're just another reminder of a depressing chapter in my life that I need to let go of. Mom might want them as a keepsake though, but that's the only reason they're not already in the trash.

~Zoe