Scents
 

 by Michelle Wilder
 
A story of another world

 

-

He almost looked like he was going to growl with both faces, but he wasn't. He wouldn't. I stretched out and dared another, better lick. There!

And ~he~ licked his nose too! And wrinkled it! He showed all his front teeth... and his ears went ~sideways~!

Fenrir suddenly reared his head back and opened his huge, giant mouth, all fangs and teeth

and ... sneezed!!

Both of him!

It was ~WONDERFUL~!!

-

"She sees me in both forms. Don't you?"

He didn't stop wiggling my leg while he talked with Aya, and occasionally to me. He twisted and bent my joints in ways I couldn't ~begin~ to keep up with. But I could feel how my leg and... shoulder moved... inside...

I smiled yes at him. He'd never asked before if I saw him like that before, too... I tried to remember to tell him next time.

"I don't understand... both ways?"

"I don't either. But when I sneezed, it was because she touched me. I felt her almost as if I was in Waere form... even though I wasn't."

"But-" Aya looked at me. "But even if she can see you... how does that..?"

"Make me feel what she sees? I have no idea." Fenrir smiled at me and moved my legs like they were waving, or conducting an orchestra.

"And I don't... know... why... she's a pup! ... or fe! male! ... or weighs less! ... or is... so... fun! ... to... play! ... with!" He grinned with each little wave and stretch and made big eyes at me.

But I stopped feeling what he was doing and saying and whined at how he sounded, or felt or something... something bad.

He bent over, almost straight down, and his Waere licked through my nose just before he touched my nose with his human one. I didn't think he knew he did that, either.

"Don't worry, little one. We'll figure it out."

He squeezed my legs close together and made a little smile... and it was the same, all three ways.

-

I could almost stand. I ~couldn't~... but I knew how. If I just... could.

I knew where my legs were supposed to go. Or feel like. Not just under me, but how to ~stand~!

"She'd learning faster than any dog puppy would... or getting stronger, faster..."

But they wouldn't!

"I don't think she's developing muscle or stamina. More like she was exhausted. Perhaps it's hard to change size that much. It'd be a powerful spell, if it was just that..."

Aya or Fenrir would take turns holding me up and I'd... hold... steady... and feel. my. legs.

"But she's been stronger the two times since she changed... I think better each time..."

When they let go... I'd be still... ~careful~... and then shiver...

"So it might not be a simple size and weight effect..."

... wobble...

"Or is she even the same size in human form? I mean, nothing about her is usual..."

... and crumple.

"Do ~you~ think maybe she's changed? You saw her before she even knew."

Usually one leg at a time, but sometimes all of them at once. That it was only a few inches to the rug was the only good part, since if my front legs went first, I went in nose-first.

"I..." Aya looked at me. I could feel her.

It was a nose dive I was recovering from just then. It felt like my back legs might still be up...

"Since she changes weight and size by over a hundred pounds every time, both ways, a small change might not even be noticeable."

I managed to get an... elbow... and splayed my... right... paw! out!! for balance!

"Where does all her mass go?"

Then I couldn't get my left leg out from under me. And when I tried pushing with my right, I felt myself begin to roll...

"Or a better question might be, where does ~she~ come from, and where does ~he~ go?"

I thought if I could maybe figure out how to walk my back legs... up a bit...

"Or come back from, yeah."

If they were even up.

"Is he any different than when you first saw him? As a man?"

Dane chose that moment to poke me in my rear with his nose so that I kind of spiraled down around my leg under me. I ~had~ kept them up! I stared at them, up in the air just then, but to see if I could figure out where they'd been when I couldn't see...

"Completely." Aya chuckled. "He was all stiff and afraid to show he was scared. Now I can hardly tell him apart from her..."

Dane laughed so hard at me he slipped on the hardwood with a back paw and almost followed me.

"Silly oaf..."

I heard Fenrir laughing, too. And the sound of happy panting.

I looked at Aya, but she was just her.

Weird.

-

When Dane was mad he moved a jerky way, with his knees almost locked and his spine all hunched.

He stood over me, stiff like that.

He stared at me with his eyes just slits, and his nose pulled back as tight as his ears. His fangs were huge!

I tried, but all I could do was try to make myself smaller. It was hopeless...

In a flash he knocked me over onto my back and bit down, teeth entirely around my throat! The snarling was enough for a ~pack~ of maddened Waere!

I wailed my mortal terror with my last, final... breath...

"Dane! Stop that!"

In an instant he froze- and rolled his eyes up at his sister. I did too. My own eyes.

"We're trying to ~talk~ here! If you must kill her, you heartless beast, drag her into the bedroom first. And please close the door."

I looked back up at him and he smiled at me. I started wailing again as he snarled and grabbed my throat a bit tighter... and dragged me into the other room. To my ~doom~.

I hoped he was going to teach me to snarl like he could... but only after he killed me some more.

~That~ was still way too fun to stop!

-

He sniffed at my bottom, under my tail.

I didn't know what I felt about that. It seemed sort of... rude. At the same time, he was Dane, and he wasn't rude...

He'd put me up on my bed and he was sitting beside it, so we were at a level, and eye to eye. Or eye to ear, when he did that.

Then he stood and turned and I had a bed-edge view of ~his~ rear.

-

It was just him. There were things I didn't understand that were really strong, and still didn't mean as much as even the thinnest odor of his breath or skin...

I put them all together as "Dane".

Then he licked my nose and I could almost understand how ~he~ saw me....

-

Dane wasn't soft, there, but his fur was, if that made any sense.

Snuggling into the angles and shapes of his ribs and elbows and listening to his heart... was about the most comfortable, comforting place I'd ever been. A safe place to think...

I was a girl to him. Both ways, since he could smell me that way in both forms. And I was a baby to him, too.

But I felt normal. Different than I could remember... and changing sure felt different! - but I felt like my body still was right, somehow.

Maybe it was just that being a Waere was... it was so new I couldn't compare it to being a human. Like everything was just the way it was, and comparing it was no use.

But playing before, too, when I was human, I could only remember feeling the same...

Or I couldn't remember ~thinking~ I was any different, anyway...

Dane made a long, deep growl. Grumble.

Almost before I could tell he was asleep, I was too.

-

"Hey there, sleepyhead."

Dane. I smiled and started to lick his face and missed - and only then realized he was back in human form.

Like I was.

"Weird, hunh? I get mixed up, too, sometimes." Dane smiled and leaned in for a lick and instead kissed my nose. I smiled too, then. It was exactly the same, inside.

"Morning."

I stopped smiling. We were in my bed. Face to face in a bed too small for two people to sleep in, and I could feel him against me, down there...

He was holding me from falling out, arm around my waist, and we were naked. My hands were on his chest.

Touching him, feeling... felt wonderful, and warm and just right... except my penis.

I was a man again, and in bed with a man.

Who... I loved.

Too much new stuff. I felt my face crumple like my legs always did.

"Hey! What's the matter?" Dane held me tighter and touched our cheeks. "Nothing's wrong... you're safe... and you had a good sleep, and Aya and Fenrir are out getting us some supper."

He held me tight for a few seconds.

"Is something wrong?"

Yes, of course something was. But I couldn't figure out what. What was first. What was most wrong.

That I was with a naked man who I wanted to stay with...

That I was suddenly fey. That I was Waere. A werewolf, even if that was an insult.

I was a fey Waere...

I huddled down and found myself licking his shoulder, moving so I could get my arms around and hug him closer.

Dane was a fey Waere... and ~he~ loved me, kinda...

He whispered all sorts of things, I guess to make me feel better, but I didn't hear.

With my ear against his neck, his pulse...

I just smelled him, and listened to his heart, and licked, and tried to relax.

Before, when I was a Waere, I had it figured out better...

But I ~was~ a Waere. Even then.

I couldn't see myself the way I saw Dane, but I felt everything the same.

-

"I just don't understand..."

Dane breathed. His body was like soft music. Calming. Tiny, quiet feelings with no names. Like me. Something with no name...

"Which don't you understand? Out of the millions..." He understood, too. But I needed to ask about him. And me and him.

I thought and thought... and almost started crying again at the thought that I might not be able to say anything without hurting him.

"I'm not really fey..."

I turned my face away and whispered it into his shoulder. It felt bad to turn that way. To be afraid to see his eyes when I said it.

"That's okay." He kissed my hair. "But I am. Is that okay?"

He kissed my hair again. I nodded. Of course it was. He was Dane. I knew all about the other man. His scent.

"We're not going to have sex. I'm not attracted to you that way, and I already have a man I'm in love with... and I bet you're not attracted to me that way either, are you."

I had to think, but I mumbled no... He smiled into my hair.

"Don't be sorry for being who you are. I love you just the way you are, and you'll love my husband. His name is Tony Robinson."

I nodded, still turned away and afraid to say anything about the other... thing.

"Oh...!"

He snorted a chuckle and bit my hair a little, shaking my head.

"It's morning, silly. I need to pee." He laughed.

I was too embarrassed to laugh.

-

I couldn't let go of him. Literally. More than needing to be near him, like before, I ~couldn't~. Taking my hand away or moving so we weren't touching was impossible. I was sure it would even hurt!

Dane thought it might be I was just really stressed, or maybe afraid I'd change and be alone? Or maybe it was a 'Dane's so attractive he's magnetic' thing.

He said he'd always suspected the last one, too.

-

By the time we were clean and dressed, Dane was almost in pain from laughing at me.

He was in the same loose stuff he'd worn over and I was in another singlet and some beach-style shorts that I'd never worn. They almost wouldn't stay up.

I was still way too warm.

Showering had been almost normal. Small tub. Steamy heat. Beautiful man. Drying each other. Dressing. Tickling.

It was ~all~ almost like normal, except having to use the toilet in the same room as another man when I couldn't lose touch.

Hence: laughing. Dane had very little shame about his body or its functions. None, really.

I had a really annoying new blush.

-

He still loved tea, and I had a better sense of smell. And tea smelled ~horrible~!

-

We ended up on opposite ends of the couch with our feet up in the middle and touching. I had a glass of milk and Dane was hugging a mug of steaming turpentine.

Just as I settled in and began trying to twine my toes in his a different way, Dane's ears twitched and swiveled.

"They're here."

I listened, and after a moment I thought I could hear what he'd noticed. Or how ~those~ tire and motor sounds were Fenrir's, like last night. Morning.

I looked back at Dane, a question occurring to me again. Something urgent.

"Do I call, him, um 'Fenrir,' or Garret, or ~Mister~ Fenrir...? And what language is it? I've never heard anything that sounds like 'Fen-rir'."

I knew I'd called him at least two or three wrong things already, but Dane smiled at me like it was a good question, and flexed his toes.

"Well, I'm not sure, but I think Dad said it was old Celtic, and it was a rank. And he said he had a regular name too: Alfaarr."

"Alfar-ar... Alf-aarrrr..."

I liked it. It sounded like him. Alfaaar. Alf-aar. Fenrir Alfaarr. I said it over and over in my head. It wasn't a normal name, but neither was Dane, or Aya...

"So is Fenrir... like 'Captain' or something? How did Garret come from Alfaarr? Is it his real name?"

"I paid for it, it's mine."

I almost sloshed milk all over the couch. I hadn't even noticed the door opening!

"Stay there, stay there... we'll put this on plates." He touched my shoulder and then went to the kitchen. Aya smiled hi too as she walked by. It smelled like barbecue.

Dane made a face at me, like "Oh, wow, are ~you~ in trouble!" I even believed him for a second before he cracked up and Aya yelled at him to stop teasing!

"Yes, stop teasing, Dane, or I'll tell a story I heard about a young Waere and a blackberry patch... and some hair clippers." He sounded like he was smiling.

Dane made a hilarious face and I almost drenched myself. Again again.

"And whatever you want to call me is okay. I might even change my name back to Alfaarr... it's been a long time since it was a problem..."

-

Even with the cartons on the counter, we all just barely fit around my little table. Alfaarr made us sit down and pretended to serve us like a butler. He bumped and shoved his way around and made up fake manners that were almost as funny as Dane.

By the time he sat down we were laughing at anything anyone said.

"I shall now make a toast to celebrate this occasion." He smiled at each of us and raised his glass. We couldn't stop smiling and giggling, but he grinned, too.

"To youth and age together, the finest spice."

He smiled at just me then, "And to you, our wondrous host, a blessing from my distant youth: Gum bi thu, a naoinein bhig, fallain, sona air feadh do bheatha gu leir."

I didn't know what to say or think, but Dane leaned over and whispered. "I think he said that the beef smells funny and you should give me yours... just to be safe."

Aya made a noise, but Alfaarr laughed.

"I wished you luck and health... but I ~should~ have warned you about bad companions and worse advice. And ~you~..." he funny-glared at Dane.

-

"I was born Alfaarr Berger." Fenrir smiled at us. "And that was a ~long~ time ago, a long time indeed."

I wanted to ask. I ~so~ wanted to ask!

He licked his nose and I had to make a face trying not to laugh. He grinned like he knew why, too.

"Over a thousand years ago. In northern Ireland."

-

"I don't know why I'm telling you lot this! It's long gone, the cause of a hundred blackened eyes, and better forgotten! So don't you tell anyone!" He made a great fierce face that was spoiled by his Waere laughing.

"Alfaarr, in the language of the fierce Vikings, means..." He snarled like he was going to scare us.

"House elf."

Aya covered her mouth.

"You be quiet. I get enough grief from these two." Fenrir smiled and almost winked, but I was too close and I think he knew it, so he huffed me back.

"My father was Norse and my mother was a local woman, and my name might've been normal back in Bergen or Scotland, but my friends gave me no end of it..." He smiled in memory.

"Father said it was a lucky name, and that I'd be a better father someday because of it..." He grinned at all of us.

It was a really odd grin. It looked happy, but wasn't. In the middle of saying just that, he changed. Even his ears were back.

"Mayhaps I indeed had a magic name, or maybe because my da truly prophesied it... but I ~was~ a lucky father, once."

He looked so old. His human face was almost expressionless, but his real one was... old. I didn't know why... all his hair and whiskers and all were fine, but I could see how tired he was, like that. His eyes were... cloudy, maybe.

But he still had that sad smile.

"A hundred or so years after my father was gone, I found myself Fenrir - den-mother to a motley little pack of Waere - my own and more than a few foundlings." He made a better smile at me. I tried to smile back, but he breathed no. He looked at Aya and Dane.

"And since I was ~Fenrir~, which meant a lot more in those days, I made the decisions. Such as whether to lead them off to glorious, historic, honorable battle... or order them all to tuck tail and follow me in a cowardly escape..."

-

It was the Cleansing. He said it just like that: they escaped from the Cleansing. Like it was normal. Nothing important. Like how his real face was so sad and his human one could smile, almost.

I let go of Dane for the first time all that day and sat on the floor beside Fenrir's legs. After he didn't say anything, I hugged them and rested my head on his knees.

-

It was a long time before I could say anything.

"If..."

I closed my eyes against the feeling of him.

He called them a... pack... and he was their father...

Everyone knew the story of how Saint Patrick came to Ireland and walked through all the villages seeking out the devil. And all the werewolves in Ireland were found and killed. Chained to carved stone posts and burned. Six hundred and sixty-six of them, the number of the beast.

The Cleansing of Ireland.

They said just sixty-six soldiers and priests died in the Cleansing. Less than one-in-ten, sacrificed unto the Lord...

They still drew the devil as a wolf, even if everyone knew the Waere were a myth.

Like everyone thought the Cleansing was, really. Just a Sunday school story.

Even with the dozens of ~real~ stone posts, all carved and with iron rings in them, all over Ireland.

He saved his family from that. A thousand years ago.

"So... Dane and Aya... are... your family?"

I heard Aya sigh, and Dane move.

He put his hand on my neck. It didn't send any shivers or anything. It was warm.

"They are, little one. All the Waere are my family."

I closed my eyes. I remembered his huge, gentle hands... I reached up and took his paw so I could feel it better.

It was almost as big as his hand. The pads were rough, but with the softest, most wonderful hairs between them... and his nails were cool and long... and sharp.

I held it against my cheek.

-

End of Part Four