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Well, I guess I blew it. I "came out" to some of my friends, and I thought it was cool-but none of them will talk to me now. I guess I could have seen that coming. I just feel so down, now. Somedays life just sucks. And people wonder why I'm depressed.
Wren
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Feeling Down
I know several of us are hugging you right now. Can you feel it?
Portia
Portia
We can hope and pray...
...that your friends, if they truly can be friends, is driven 'only' by fear, and that they will come around and embrace the person they've always known for who she is. And hugs as well!
Dio vi benedica tutti
Con grande amore e di affetto
Andrea Lena
Love, Andrea Lena
I am so sorry that you are suffering.
That is pretty much what happened to me. I wish I could make it all better. I was a part of the Religious Fundi crowd, and thought that since they had known me for so long, at least some of them would believe me when I said that there was no way to avoid what I did. You know, maybe their rejection is all about them and their fears and not about you. Yes, I think that might be right.
GID was not my biggest issue though and as I overcame the other things, and began to make friends with people with more accepting social demographics. They are out there too. I do not know where you are, but in Portland there is a pretty solid base of fringe hippies, and of course the Unitarians, certain Church of Christers are good. Certain Eastern Orthodox religions are fine with it. And sometimes the Y is a good place.
Of course, it does happen that old friends start showing up again after a while. Or at least I am told that, but it has not happened to me.
Be kind to yourself. I had to give myself permission to cry and feel grief. The early parts of 2005 were the worst; cried for 6 months solid.
Much peace
Khadijah
Hug from afar.
Wren,
I can feel some of your pain. When I came out to my wife it was the hardest time of my life. It took us months to work thru it and I was very depressed the whole time. All I can offer is that it does get better, however not everyone will except you for who you really are. I hope that you can you use this to become a better person and not let it wear you down.
Hugs,
Kelly
It takes time
for people to deal with things, especially things as fundamental as this. Remember you've been thinking about it for years, it's rather new to them. You'll probably lose some but others might work through it and come back to you. You can also load it a bit by suggesting that it's primarily people with insecure gender/sex identities themselves who have most problem in accepting others who are different.
Sadly it's a price we have to pay, which logically is quite ridiculous but when you consider we operate more on emotion than logic, understandable if not welcome. It gets easier with practice, the problem then is learning not to be come a tranny bore when you do find someone who is sympathetic - they won't want to hear about every up and down you've had since learning you were really female...
Good luck.
Angharad
Angharad
A question with a some-would-say gratuitious obscenity
What the fuck is wrong with people anyway? What makes gender identity such a huge scary deal?
I would say these so-called friends were no real friends to start with but I really don't know them. I think of people I knew back when, co-workers & such who were physically male but displayed as somewhat femme that I shied away from wanting to know better, rejected their overtures of friendship because it might reflect on me, shine a light into my own closet. I see now what my problem was, and feel pretty shitty about it, but it's such a society wide thing, I just- RRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Hugs, Wren, and hopefully at least one of these people will overcome their initial reflexive panic, and see that you're the same you, only better for having the honesty + courage to be out with them...
~~~hugs again, Veronica
"Government will only recognize 2 genders, male + female,
as assigned at birth-" (In his own words:)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C1lugbpMKDU
Friends
If they are not talking to you they were not friends that you wanted anyway because if they were real friends it wouldn't matter if you turned into a purple people eater true friends wouldn't leave you just because you wear a dress. WE AT BCTS STILL LOVE YOU & SO DO I HUGS RICHIE2
Life sucks sometimes
I can't say I understand, but I do have an inkling. When I came out to my wife, she was uneasy, but did make the effort to understand. I think she has it wrong in her head, thinking I'm probably mentally ill or something, but at least she's tolerant. With my daughters it was a very different story. One is married to a fundamental preacher, and they became almost openly hostile for about 3 years. They have gradually come around to a sort of strained normalcy, but I still have the feeling I'm walking on eggshells around them. My other daughter just didn't want to know anything about it at all. She likewise has come around some, but it has taken time.
Be patient with your friends. Some will come around, and the others, well maybe you can replace them. I have no ideas or suggestions for making the hurt go away.
You have many friends here. I only wish I could reach through the screen and give you a hug.
Hugs
Carla Ann
Hey Wren....
Not much more to say than what's being said except for I just know you, Wren. And I love you and consider you a dear friend.
*Big Hugs*
Bailey Summers
Wren,
ALISON
'you deserve better and I will pray for you and your "friends" in the hope that they will wake up to themselves.My two best friends and their wives
could not be more supportive.One is a big,very macho deep sea tugboat skipper,very rough,tough and macho yet he and his wife could not be more supportive.
My other friend is a retired paramedic like myself and he and his wife call several times a week to see how I am coping.Even my two younger brothers have
accepted me,so just hang in there and work out who your true friends are.By the way,I will never present as a female,even on a dark night,it is just
a matter of how I feel and the fact that it has got me over my depression and suicidal tendencies.I am also fortunate in having the support of my only son,daughter in law and five beautiful grand children so any one else can make their own arrangements.Like you,I have to be me.By the way Wren,if it
will make you feel better,I will be 78 next March,so there is always hope.Much love to you,Alison
ALISON
hugs hon.
I am sorry it came down that way for you. do give them time, remember that while you have years to come to grips with yourself, this is totally new to them, and may take some getting used to. Regardless, you are not alone, and we are with you in spirit. Hugs.
"Treat everyone you meet as though they had a sign on them that said "Fragile, under construction"
dorothycolleen
HUGs, dear.
I think that between them, everyone pretty much beat me to saying everything I was going to.
It will take time for MOST of the world to come around, but the changes I've seen in my 67 years of existence have, in general gotten very much better for this, the least understood part of the LGBTQ community.
I hope as others said, that at least a few of you friends will, in the long run come back to you.
In the meantime, you have us.
I've been trying, with a fair amount of success to meet people in the community face to face.
I've met 24 authors face to face, met maybe 75 more in 3 support groups, 35 or so outside the US in my travels, and many last year in Atlanta, all in the last 5 years, and I have no plans to stop.
We're out there, and more and more of us are out. You just need to find us.
It’s not given to anyone to have no regrets; only to decide, through the choices we make, which regrets we’ll have,
David Weber – In Fury Born
Holly
It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.
Holly
Comming out
I came out to several of my friends (all female) & they are cool about it. It takes me a while to feel out the person & if they are cool about I can sence it before I even say anything to them about it I just have a feeling. I haven't been wrong... YEAT. So just hang in there & things will get better you'll see you'll find some of your friends will accept your for who you are, trust me on this.
Love Samantha Renee Heart
Love Samantha Renee Heart