I have been feeling depressed over the last few days and I have been crying more than I have for a long time. One of my best friends refuses to speak to me now because I got caught in the middle of a drama starring one of our mutual now ex friends from High School. This guy is a nutjob and he has been stalking her. He is convinced they are a couple even when she tries to tell him they aren't. I got mad and told him to leave her alone and she gets mad at me because she thinks I am partially to blame for this whole mess. I am afraid for her safety because he knows where she lives. I have been very upset because this jerk has driven a wedge in our friendship. I have cried over this and been depressed over her not even speaking to me at all. I guess I am guilty of caring too much! I am dealing with so many other things too and I just feel drained over it all.
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Comments
Step back
Center yourself. Determine what is really important to you and your well-being. Then examine your motives and see that you are not being selfish or inconsiderate of others. If you are not, or when you have discarded the motives that may be causing you problems, relax and trust your friend to figure out where her own interest lies. You do not control this decision by her, you only control your decisions and your own actions. Many times your reactions are emotional and not under your control. If you need a good cry about something, this can be healing.
Take care of yourself because if you are wounded or trapped, you cannot take care of your friends.
Hugs,
Erin
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
It's tough
I know how that goes and it is not easy. Seeing a friend, or someone you believed to be such, put you in the frame is hard. If you are not at fault you can at least hold your head high... not sure that helps much though.
Then, if you think about it we have to be and live as best we can. If you rely on the opinions of others you are to some degree handicapped. From my own perspective if I listened to everyone else, ... I ... would not be here and it is possible I would not exist, I would be dead. That's extreme, sure, but still true. I know depression too and it aint fun. Think about things and do the best you can, for yourself and your fiend. Take care.
Kristina
Chemicals
A few days ago one of my employee's nephew committed suicide. To call this person simply an employee doesn't cover it because I've known her for about fifty years.
We talked the suicide through as I have with too many people over the years. I realize that your situation isn't suicidal, but the basics are much the same.
Personal attraction between two people is, at some points in the relationship, about 90% chemical and 10% logic. So much of "who we are" depends on the chemicals running through our bodies. Are we brave?- Probably due to a chemical. Are we overly friendly? Probably due to a chemical. Why did a person kill himself? Probably due to a chemical.
If you accept that your friend has a chemical attraction to the other person, and that chemical reaction is as much as a 90% of why she "loves" him, what chance does a logical argument from you have in ending the relationship.
My spouse volunteered at a shelter for abused women for years. The number of women who stick by abusive men is disheartening. Those women will often get angry with the counselors for trying to break up their marriages, when all the counselor is doing is showing them alternatives.
Being a good friend demands that you sometimes tell them things they don't want to hear. Just because you are a good friend doesn't mean their going to like hearing that news.
You're responsible for your own intentions and ethical actions. You're not responsible for what the world does in response to what you do.
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)