I'm feeling pretty depressed right now. My 88 year old grandmother is dying up in New Hampshire and I won't get to see her again before she passes. My mother, brother, sister-in-law and my 4 year old nephew left this morning to go see her. She accepted me with open arms when I came out as her fifth granddaughter and even gave me two very steamy Romance novels my first Christmas as Jennifer. My mom's side of the family has really been like night and day in the way they have accepted me as compared to my dad's side. I guess it really has to do with the North/South attitudes toward tolerance. North being more Liberal minded , while South more Right Wing Conservative. Anyway, I am very angry with my mother because she didn't even make an effort to make sure I could go with them. She claimed that there wasn't room in the car, but the real reason is that my brother and sister-in-law didn't want me along anyway. They have banned me from every one of my nephew's birthday parties and I believe this is more about that. My mother never once mentioned to them "Jennifer would really like to go say goodbye to Grandma" She could have told my brother that they would rent a van for the extra room for me, but she really didn't care whether I would get a chance to see her,so she didn't. Oh, she did say that she would make sure I got to go up for the funeral. What a nice consolation prize! The doctors told the family that if they wanted to see her, they had better be doing it very soon. It will be too late for me to go. My aunt said that it takes everything she has just to breathe and she really doesn't know how much longer her organs can sustain themselves without adequate oxygen. I am trying to get through the day, but it just hurts so much. I know she loves me and I have good memories, but there is just this ache inside right now because I am powerless to do anything but sit here and stew about it. I plan on having a talk with my mother when she gets back on Sunday because she really has no idea how upset I am over this. Anyway, I'm sorry for venting, but I needed to get it out to someone.