Jaye Michael

PART ONE: EVOLUTION

Chapter Seven: Savoir Faire

In just seven days, I can make you a man.
                          -- Dr. Frank N. Furter
                                                            from The Rocky Horror Picture Show

9:00 A.M., MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 11, A GREAT CAMP NEAR TUPPER LAKE, NEW YORK

“Wake up. Kay? Breakfast is ready.” Eunice slapped the bed covers in the general area of a large lump.

“Come on. Just because you were kidnapped doesn’t mean you get to rest on your laurels. We both have some serious thinking to do–and I think we need to do some mutual learning before anything else. Kay?”

With a low moan, the lump slowly began to move. Gradually, a naked female body appeared from under the covers and sat up at the edge of the bed.

“Gee whiz, it’s nice to know that whatever happened to us gave you a pretty nice body. Normally, I wouldn’t care about another woman’s preference for skin instead of a nightgown for sleepwear, but my new body is giving me some very interesting messages. Why don’t you put on this robe? Kay?” Eunice handed Lyle a pale green silk kimono with an intricate flower design on the back and returned to the other room. A couple of minutes later Lyle meandered out to the kitchen and sat down in front of a large mug of coffee and plate of bacon, eggs, hash browns, and toast.

“How interesting. The robe doesn’t really help.”

“What do you mean?” Lyle asked.

“My crotch feels funny and, I guess it’s my penis, is pushing against my pants. I guess this means it’s trying to tell me to have sex with you,” she laughed. “Is this what being a man is like, raging emotions and a desire to bed every female around?”

“Yup. Life’s a bitch isn’t it?” Lyle yawned and stretched. The robe began to open.

“Stop that! Don’t make it worse than it is.”

“Sorry.” Lyle refastened the robe. “To change the subject, this is a great place. Where are we and how did we get there?”

“We’re in my Aunt Staci’s camp in the Adirondacks,” Eunice explained between bites of breakfast. “Near a village called Tupper Lake. Daddy drove Dr. Sternlicht and me up here to get you. Dr. Sternlicht knew where you were, some biogenetics company in the next town over. He told them something that got them to release you and we brought you back here yesterday morning. You’ve been sleeping ever since. Daddy thinks they must have drugged you, which is why you slept so much and why you seem to be so laid-back. As to how you got there, you’ll have to tell me. Kay?”

“I’d love to but I have no idea. The last thing I remember was when those men broke into your father’s house and then being in a windowless room with a guard at the only exit. They questioned me for a long time, did a lot of blood work and biopsies and then I must have freaked because the next thing I remember is being woken up, dressed and brought to the lobby where you guys were standing about. I must have fainted again because the only other thing I remember is you waking me up this morning.”

Eunice picked up her dishes and began cleaning them up. “After breakfast I’ll give you the grand tour, since Daddy and Dr. Sternlicht have already gone back to the City. Oh, yeah,” Eunice stopped drying for a moment and turned back to Lyle, “Daddy has taken a bunch of tissue and blood samples from me and asked me to ask you if you would provide similar samples. One of the bedrooms is set up as a small lab. I’ll show you during the tour. Kay? And don’t worry, Daddy made Dr. Sternlicht promise that anything further done with either of us would be completely voluntary, but he also thinks that it will be necessary to compare samples from both of us in order to figure out what actually happened and how to fix it. So please say yes. Kay? Huh? How ‘bout it?” Eunice fairly danced as he waited for his answer.

Lyle couldn’t help grinning at the image of an adult man bouncing up and down and begging like a child. Eunice’s face looked “soooo innocent.” Finally, she laughed out loud.

“Yes. Yes. I’ll do it. But I thought you said this was to be voluntary?” She quickly ducked as Eunice stamped his foot in annoyance and threw the dishtowel at her before he too broke into laughter.

Lyle picked up the dishtowel, quickly brought his dishes to the sink and cleaned them. “Let’s get the tour over with. I want to get those samples for your father and then get some from you. Then I want to get to work in that lab you told me about so I can try out some ideas of my own. I want my old body back.”

“Kay. But first I need to tell you some other stuff Daddy told me.”
Lyle grumbled, but sat down again.

“Damn it, close that robe,” Eunice almost bellowed, “and cross your legs like a lady.”

Lyle obediently obliged her hoping she would get on with it.

“First. Daddy kinda figured you would want to get to work immediately. He wanted me to point out to you that your lab will be somewhat limited and it would probably be best–if you want to do some serious lab work that is–to return to the University.”

Lyle nodded. “That makes good sense. Let’s do that.”

“Right as usual, Daddy.” Eunice grinned as he spoke the aside and then continued. “Daddy told me you would probably say that, which brings me to the second issue. With no original sample of the virus to work from Daddy expects this to be quite difficult. He told me he would very much appreciate your help back at the University’s lab.”

Eunice raised her hand to stop Lyle before he spoke.

“But he also noted that a quick solution was unlikely. Kay? He gave me a couple of reasons for not running right back to the City. I don’t remember them all, but I wrote most of them down.”

Eunice smiled brightly which almost made Lyle laugh again, the expression looked so silly on a man.

“They’re on the coffee table in the living room. Want me to get them?”
Lyle shook her head no, again hoping to speed things up so she could get to the lab.

“Kay,” Eunice hesitantly agreed with a wistful glance toward the living room. With a deep, fortifying breath, he continued, “What Daddy did suggest was that we would need to do several things, not just hop in a car and head for the City...”

“And they were?” Lyle prompted while uncrossing her legs to scratch an itch by her crotch.

“Stop that. Ladies don’t scratch their crotches.”

“Ladies? Oh...” the light slowly dawned on Lyle. “I guess you mean me. Huh?”

“Yes, you,” Eunice nodded. “And that’s what Daddy said we should try to do. Kay?” She continued quickly as Lyle looked confused again. “Learn how to act like people expect us to act. You know. You learn to act more like a lady and I learn to act more like a guy. Also, to learn enough about each other that we can pass for each other. Kay?”

“Why on earth–or any other planet for that matter–would I want to do that?” Now Lyle was totally confused.

“Daddy says ‘Because it is the only way we can live without drawing undue attention while searching for a solution to our mutual problem.’”

“I must be slow. I know we did this once in the hopes we could get away easier and I know I pretended to be you with those goons that kidnapped me, but we’re free now. Why pretend anything?”

“Because the only lives we have at the moment are each other’s. Kay? We can’t just go back to are old lives. No one will know us. Where will we get money to live on? How are you going to renew your driver’s license? Just think how foolish we would look now in our own clothes.” Eunice swirled about as if she were wearing a dress and then made a moue.

“All right. You made your point.” Lyle was still irritated by the possibility of a delay in getting to the lab. “We need to be each other. We need to know how to behave enough like each other to confuse our friends and fit in, at least for a while. But we also need to determine what happened, how to control it, and maybe even how to reverse whatever happened to us. So where’s the lab and how much time do I have to allocate to learning to be you?”

Now Eunice was mad. “That’s right. You’ll learn to be me...if you must. I’m only a secretary. I don’t count. Well, for your information I’m part of this too. I don’t know a lot about you, but I guarantee you I’m giving up a lot more than you are. Do you have your own car? Or your own condo? How many friends are you going to have to meet all over again because they don’t recognize you now? Do you have an inheritance? What do I tell my relatives; or the men I’ve been dating?”

Lyle was visibly disturbed by Eunice’s tirade. Unbidden tears began to well up in his eyes. As Eunice slowly began to wind down, he blurted out, “Oh Eunice, I’m sorry! I never meant that at all. I just meant I was anxious to get to the lab and concentrate on solving our mutual problem by doing what I know best.”

“Well...All right.” Eunice caved in seeing Lyle crying and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. “Are you ready for that tour?”

“I guess so. Just one question. Who’s ‘Daddy’?”

Eunice giggled and the giggle grew into unrestrained laughter and beyond as he fell into the chair next to Lyle. As he slowly regained some control he continued, “Sorry. That’s just one of those ‘little things’ you need to learn about me. ‘Daddy’ is Dr. Herbert Harriman, Chairman of the Department and a whole lot of other stuff. He’s also a very rich man thanks to his inheritance and a really big bunch of patents.” Eunice had finally stopped giggling and got up, grabbing Lyle’s hand and easily pulling him out of his chair. “Now. The tour starts here. Kay?”