...Life sure seems like a race. With everything we've had to deal with this past year, it sure feels like I hit the wall. My tremors have increased since my anti-convulsive dose was lowered because my neurologist was worried about my blood pressure. So it's like I have to strike a balance. And the race analogy is actually quite accurate even if it is very annoying.
It's really odd, since everyone I know has a different perspective and opinion about what kind of race I'm running right now. My wife's family is convinced that I'm in a sprint, like the 100 meter dash. Even though I only started having tremors in June and flashbacks in August, they're surprised that the race isn't over yet...like why is is taking me so long to get better.
My brothers must think this is a relay, and that I expect them to participate...they haven't shown up lately, and I think it's mostly out of fear.
Imagine instead that I'm running my first marathon...ever. I'm in like twelfth place out of...a hundred but the family can't understand how I'm not leading the pack, even though I've never done this before. And my coach is telling me from the sideline... hey..I can't believe you're doing so good, even as my family can't accept that I'm doing the best I can.
Meanwhile, the folks here are lining the road. They already know I'm not going to finish first...but they're excited and enthusiastic about how good I'm doing. And now my wife is in a race of her own...one we know she'll win, but for her it's more like and Ironwoman competition. She just got finished with the grueling still grieving over the death of her mom long distance run only to hop into the ocean for the physically and emotionally abused by her job New Jersey Crawl. Finishing up after getting pounded by the fibromyalgia undertow, she climbed out of the water only to hop on the bicycle to finish up with the 20k race we like to call Hashimotos's Hyper-Thyroiditis, which will probably mean surgery after a biopsy in a couple of weeks.
Her race is the main reason I haven't come out to her. My therapist has helped me understand that my wife is too worn out from her own battle, and she doesn't need one more thing to deal with. I could say, well, there will always be something, why wait. But we sat in our living room the other night, and I have never seen her so tired in our nearly 25 years of marriage. My friends have reminded me that she knows Drea anyway, even if she never utters that name, and she loves me.
We are so tired...it's been up and down all year, but we have hope to see things get better. And we've actually got it good compared to some folks I know. I don't mind repeating myself if it's to be thankful. So we love and we laugh and we enjoy what we have, and we are supremely grateful for the prayers and support we have here, even if she doesn't know who you folks are. Thanks again and I love you all! Andrea
Comments
And less we forget,
Life is always precious, and each day is too.
Rejoice in the blessings we have.
I was reminded of that this week when I took my wife in for day surgery for what amounted to a biopsy to eliminate the possibiity of ovarian cancer (shudder). We won't know the results until next week, but I remember sitting there in our private alcove waiting with terror in my heart that the doctor might come talk to my while she was out to suggest major surgery. Fortunately that didn't happen.
I can't say that my challenges are even in the same league as yours, but there are always things we can find to be thankful for.
You for instance. God Bless you both, and your wife too.
Hugs
Carla Ann
winning.
Sometimes, "winning" is just crossing the finishing line on your feet. I am totaly in my cheerleader outfit, cheering you on, and think you are doing fantastic.
You will overcome !!
ALISON
I guess it is not called the Human Race for nothing,but knowing you 'Drea,you
will survive and overcome that which has been laid before you.You go on with
life helping others and being kind to them and I know,that like me ,those people
pray for you and support you and your family.My darling sister,I will pray for
you each day and I know that you will overcome.There is a great amount of love on
BCTS directed at you.Much love,Alison.
ALISON
As has been said before
I plan to live forever; so far, so good.
We none of us know what's around the corner so we carry on and do the best we can; we can do no more and our inate stubborness will allow us to do no less. I guess that's the way we were built.
Laugh and the world laughs with you; cry, and you end up with a bucket of soggy tissues.
Susie
Race schmace, slow down and smell the roses
Dear Drea,
To see a world in a grain of sand,
And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
And eternity in an hour.
Life is not about getting to the end as fast as you can, nor either about going as far as you can. Life is about the stuff you pick up to admire along the way. One true friend is worth untold numbers of acquaintences.
with love,
Hope
P.S. Appologies to William Blake but the rest of the poem 'Auguries of Innocence' is crap, IMHO, except maybe the last two verses. http://www.artofeurope.com/blake/bla3.htm
with love,
HER
Once in a while I bare my soul, more often my soles bear me.
Trials are normal
It took me a long time to come to the conclusion that when bad things happened to me it was not nessessarily because I had done something wrong, and suffering was not part of the teaching in my old Church. Rather it was sort of seen as clear evidence that I had sinned and was being punished.
As a Muslimah, all our pain is seen as teaching and testing to refine us. It says the same thing in the Christian Bible, but it is rarely practiced.
Many Blessings
Gwen