Over the past few weeks I have been feeling the blues. The career path I enjoyed heading for is no longer possible due to my physical limitations. I am left with trying to figure out where I go from here and it is really discouraging. A couple of nights ago, I attended a Memorial service for a teacher in High School. She was just 43 years old. As I sat there listening to the eulogies that were given, I began to ask myself "What have I done to make a difference in the lives of others? I turn 39 years old tomorrow and I have not accomplished much of anything compared to Ms. Toy. I have been going through it over and over in my mind and I just don't have any direction. I have cried myself to sleep the last three nights and I still don't feel any closer to finding any answers. I told my Esthetics teacher that I want to make my life count for something. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I try to find my way through this maze that has become my life.
Hugs,
Jen
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I have found that Helping Others
I do my best right now doing that and it helps brighten my life daily.
BigCloset TopShelf
TGLibrary.com
You're not atypical...
... in questioning your life. The sad thing is that most people don't respond proactively, or are so egocentric that they don't see the need.
When I was a high school teacher, we used to have a saying of certain students who never made a contribution to the academic or wider life of the institution: "He/She only came to school to eat his/her lunch."
So, I think it's a good thing that you're having this dialogue with yourself. It reminds me of Donald Schön's concepts of reflection in action and reflection on action which are important in your growth as a person.
There's a saying that opportunities are seldom labelled. I think that you need to be open to, and accept new challenges which might make your life count. I would also see this as a long-term thing, not something that you're going to be able to solve in a few days.
So Jen, know that you're not alone, and that your present struggles are not necessarily a bad thing, but could become a real positive for you.
People have always been asking questions like "where did I come from?" and "will my life have made a difference?"
Me? I've done the genealogy thing (and found it really rewarding). After almost 30 years in the classroom, I had a 'road to Damascus' moment a few years ago and decided that I had outgrown secondary schools. I changed my job and resumed my own academic studies. My masters and doctoral (in progress) theses represent a contribution to knowledge that will (hopefully) last long after I'm gone.
Maybe you could volunteer, undertake further studies or find a new career. Just don't give up, or let your present feelings get you down. You are not alone, and you are not atypical.
Positive Strategies
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I don't think anyone can compare their life,
to anyone else's. I've been there and I suffered by the comparison too. I think the thing to remember is that, if you've done your best, you have nothing of which to be ashamed.
Compared to someone like Martin Luther King, or anyone of note, I have accomplished very little, but I have been helped by others, and I know I have helped some others. I know that I have made things a little bit easier for some people, either by delivering meals for Meals On Wheels, or by working at a Senior Citizen's Day Care Center, or by working on the Transit system, helping people get to and from Doctors appointments, dialysis treatments, or just helping them with groceries on a regular bus run.
Sephrena is correct. Helping others CAN be a very rewarding experience, and can help build your own self image. Consider volunteering for something like Meals On Wheels, or at a Red Cross Center, or even out ringing a bell for the Salvation Army during the holidays.
But never try to measure your success or your life by anyone else's successes. You will always come up wanting.
Do what you can do, do it to the best of your capabilities, and make a difference, no matter how small you might think it is, it could be the biggest thing to someone less fortunate than you.
Happy Thanksgiving, and A Very Merry Christmas to You.
Hugs and love,
Catherine Linda Michel
As a T-woman, I do have a Y chromosome... it's just in cursive, pink script.
Makes You Wonder. . .
MLK probably had someone he compared himself to that made him feel inadequate.
Mother Teresa probably worried whether or not she would ever make something of herself.
By caring, you're way ahead of the pack.
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
Desire, courage, conviction, suffering, achievement and failure.
The title is not some famous quote but your words made me think about the struggles I have endured in life.
I was extremely idealistic as a youth, and sometimes I still am. It does seem that as we press on in life that it all starts with viewing something that seems wrong to us, and then we want to change it to be more suitable to our own sense of right and wrong.
So, when you think about it, the title makes a little more sense. For me, there is the realization that there are few things in life that we can really change, but there are lots of things that will help us make a little difference and it is the scores of people who just try a little that eventually make the change, if it is to happen.
Many blessings to you.
Gwen
Hey Jen...
...you don't need to move mountains, just a handful of earth is a start. Hang tough!!!
Mea the Mighty
This sounds awfully familiar!
I've felt the same on many occasions, especially recently. I'm still trying to figure things out for myself, so all I can say is you're not alone and good luck!
Saless
"But it is also tradition that times *must* and always do change, my friend." - Eddie Murphy, Coming To America
We all have those feelings
Hi Jen,
You are young, I am 62 and at times I wonder what I have done!! But proberally you have done many worthwhile things but just do not consider them such. Now if you were to ask others who where involved in those actions they would say that they were worthwhile!! We have the habit of downplaying our own accomplishments. Ours is not an easy path because so many people do accept our path! At times we have to be selfish to accomplish what we need for ourselves because no one else will help us!! But becoming our true selves makes us better able to contribute because we are now happy with ourselves. I know several people who knew me before and after my transition have told me I seem a much happier person. Also that they enjoy being around me more now!!
I have made my contribution by speaking at local schools from middle-schools to universities about my life as a trans-woman. I have had people that I talked to come up to me in malls and other places and tell me thank you for opening them up to trans-people. One girl told me she is volunteering at her college in the trans program. So at times like that I feel I am doing a little bit to help!!
So whichever way you can help do it and you will feel better about yourself!!
Hugs,
Pamela
"how many cares one loses when one decides not to be
something, but someone" Coco Chanel