An Eternal student of Life, The Universe & Everything & how being the only Dark Elf known to have been born with “A Perception Of Wrongness”, that couldn't become even half-human, because of the deep dark Abyss my DADDY pushed me down before I could even speak, or read my DADDY did something to me before I could remember, it must have been the worst thing possible & that was after the cycle had started, DADDY away every week, DADDY HOME drink, punch, drink punch, drink, punch, for a weekend, then a week of bliss where I could hug my mummy & feel the wrongness inside me go away, but the moment I let go the wrongness returned with a vengeance & that was normal, every moment of my life the wrongness grew worse, then age 14, the blackness of wrongness engulfed me, my "Can't See Me" shield Against the species I could never belong to, though that was always intended the wrongness inside me, turned my baby blue to the deepest darkest depths of the Abyss twice.

I was born Transgender 5 years before the word was ever created, I strived so hard to understand the wrongness & I was born ignorant like any human baby, I couldn't wait for those ignorant humans too catch up, so I taught myself to read with a dictionary, age 3 state tested "Adult Ability (school leaver)"

Mum says it wasn't her & I remember all but the very start, ABCs, I suppose it's possible if the A is for Apple type.

After 60 Years, 19 Months, 25 days exactly from the moment of birth.

When I finished my F2F video invite to Indigo GIS (Gender Identity Service) UK NHS Manchester.

My first Doctors appointment 14th Aug 13:45 & the mental barrier shattered.

My very smart Logical & Right brain, suddenly found an invader in his mind, but locked behind a Twisting & Turning, writhing & boiling, down in the deepest darkest pit of the abyss of darkest deepest blackness, that Abyss turned baby blue to blackness of "Can't see me", if I can't feel you, you can't hurt ME any more DADDY, but he still hurt my MUMMY & the last year was constant, when the drunk got a Pub.

WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO ME DADDY?

That stopped me even becoming that half human baby full of a wrongness that should have been baby half-human blue, before you hurt me so bad it turned black.

“From Before I Can Remember” is the road block I've been hitting with overthinking everything & it wasn't even scratched.

Now I Could feel "Something" Emotional Trying to escape, "Something, Think," & the timing shattered then to my surprise I was being attacked by that emotional bundle "Something v Think & Something was winning & I fell into the Abyss", but this time my surrogate MUMMY, the real man saved me, held me steady.

A thousand times "Stop Overthinking it", GTFO that's how I got smarter, it works every time I do that, why would I stop, but this time he was right & the "Emotional expert"

I finally broke though on 13th August 2025 at 01:01 in the morning.

60 Years 10 Months 16 days exactly from the moment "A Perception Of Wrongness" existed, was before I existed, it's the core of everything I am, I think, therefore I am, so when did "I Think" before I could speak to form memories, what made me goes deeper & darker into The reality of existing long before we can think of any thought.

I found I could feel the past feelings attached to that memory & gain new insights.

The feeling memories went deeper than the thinking memories.

The very earliest "Thinking Memory", is not linked to words, it's just An image, no meaning attached.
I don't think this is the moment & never will, I must feel this is the moment & feel the truth

NOW I FEEL WHAT THE FUCK YOU DID TO ME DADDY & I really really hate you now I FEEL the hurt.

The Sperm donor is dead now, he died in my black heart full of wrongness on that fateful day & the thing he did it was so awful that Steven Redman had to die, so that I may live my life as I choose.

The day my mum & the girl & boy twins came home & I was two years & 10 months old.

Image, Sofa, mum two carry cots, one baby blue & one baby pink.
Feeling, I need to be PINK, must be can't be blue ANY longer
A new feeling, Drink, Punch, boys don't wear PINK, PUNCH, PUNCH, PUNCH & The blue turned Black & engulfed the Rightness of my need for femininity, each PUNCH, Sent. PUNCH, Down, PUNCH, Into, Punch, Deepest, PUNCH, darkest, PUNCH, blackest, PUNCH, abyss.

DADDY WHY DID YOU HATE MUMMY?
DADDY WHY DID YOU HATE ME?

DADDY why did I stop feeling anything because of you, I never had a DADDY, when you died I couldn't cry, not because I had no feelings, but because you were my MUMMY'S ABUSER, I did not care about me, you couldn't hurt me after the wrongness consumed me, but you would never stop hurting my mummy.

On 13th August 2025 at 01:01 in the morning, Steven Redman Died for me, gave his life TO ME
60 Years 10 Months 16 days exactly from the moment he was born, he died so I could Live my life instead.

He wrapped all the wrongness in the PINK I needed, I was finally free, & that's my name in Swahili it means freedom & Black Uhuru (70s Reggae band) the source of name & colour, Surname was from the game "Uru: Ages Of Myst", & the "Knife Ears" (not that game), original Baldur's Gate & of course Spock (Star Trek, He copied me, I was here, when he appeared. My current Baldur's Gate 3 Character )Modded of course) is the avatar of my real identity.

On 13th August 2025 at 01:01 in the morning, Uhuru N’Uru The Dark Elven Sissy Antisocial Socialist was born into the body of a tramp, neglected, starved not enough sleep, but I just found out Manchester Pride Parade is on 23rd August 2025 & I'm going to find PEOPLE like me, I need to be social with people like me.

I've only met two or three & nobody alone when black hid the pink.

People like me & they understood me & the most amazing thing was these people like me, were nothing like me at all & yet we all understood that despite our minor differences we were all Transgender in different & diverse ways, it's not that I didn't know this, but I never felt what people like me feel & all I have felt in Manchester is Acceptance, even from the "Normies", Canal Street is a tourist trap, no people like me that I could see.

I may only be 10 days old, but I do look a little older for some reason, & I will be wearing my "Can See Me Suit, same as the "Can't See Me Suit", but the black has become Sissy pink.

One lesson learned, no zips on pockets, grabbed that little clutch bag, brushed off the 20 years of dust.
That's my style a touch of black overwhelmed in Sissy Pink.

I have the NHS stuff started, but their is a lot of damage to fix & I have no money.
I can live on the streets (30 years experience), but I know nothing about how to look feminine.

I need help & I'm not expecting miracles, but for Pride, it's different it's too late to practice make up, etc.

Next year I hope to have real boobs, but even looking like a male tramp, I can wear my gender dysphoria triggering breast forms, bout a lovely black basque, not worn it due to no real tits to fill it.

I know nobody, don't know where to find the local people like me
I need help to learn how to be a Transfeminine Sissy in reality.

I'm old, my back aches, why did I grow to DD & those heels are killing me.
Whatever my future holds, I can't wait to be fully human, but after pride I really need to find the locals (I'm from Bolton).

I want to be there all year round & need to find friends, people like me that understand me, to teach me how to really become human.

This is what I'm starting with, the real me, not expecting miracles, but I've got a life to live now, one I've dreamed of for far to long.

Why do feeling hurt, when other people project them.
Do I do that, did I do THAT & NOT even know I was doing that?
I don't think so, but I can't feel certain about feeling "Somethings", I have never felt.
Why did I feel happy, that I was sad, is that meant to happen, am I "Normal" now.
is this what being human feels like, it's fucking weird & having an emotional Girly Side I wanted try to take over nearly broke us both.

To become Uhuru N’Uru a Dark Elven Sissy becoming a human Transfeminine Sissy Socialist, needs both the Enveloping Pinkness & the baby blue turned deepest darkest black in the abyss & hardened by fighting to the very last breath to create my Transgender Identity,