I have failed, failed at writing( I haven't been able to write a word since I lost the ability to buy meds). I look at my kudos and see less then three hundred of them. I think I was deluding myself into believing I had some talent for writing. Yet another failure in my life. I fail to break out of my current prison, I fail to find work(averaging 3-10 applications and resume submissions a day). I even failed to protect my online identity( was forced to delete all my online accounts except this one in order to keep living where I am.) I feel like I am throwing a pity party for myself, I am not. I am venting, I am so angry at myself for failing and for not being as strong as my sisters. I have not only failed myself but my sisters. I am scared, scared I will die alone, hidden in a pathetic mask. I am sorry, so sorry if I offended anyone. I hope you can forgive me for being selfish and lazy.
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Comments
I never know what to say...
I'm never quite sure what to say to things like this. Of course, you have my sympathy and I hope things get better. Instead I'm referring to saying you're a failure at writing because of a low kudos count. Well, I'm good at numbers...
I went over your stories. You're generally getting 40-60 kudos / story, which falls very nicely into the mid-to-good tier writers here. Sure, you can find stories that have done better - you do have 60 kudos on one story, which is quite good. You have no reason, based on what I've seen, to consider yourself a failed writer. Some of this defense, by the way, is self-interested, since I fall in very much the same range. By all means keep working on getting better, again there's self interest since I like reading good stories, but don't beat yourself up over your current standings.
I can't help on the work front other than to say the current market is definitely tough. You're not the only person facing tough times, and if that's small comfort I'm afraid it's all I can think of to offer. Again you have my sympathy and hope things turn around. Keep trying.
The online identity loss is another one that can happen and is rough. It sounds like you've been through some tough times. Your writing, though, is not one of them. You're doing well there.
Best of luck,
Titania
Lord, what fools these mortals be!
not a failure, hon
It sounds like you do need the meds to help you with more than writing, hon. I hope you can find reasons to keep trying. This community is too small to lose anybody.
don't give up
I have been looking for work for the past two years and finally have a great job but I am having to put my transition on semi hold while I earn money to pay debt then save up enough for surgeries and related expenses with hope to transition on the job.
Hugs,
Jenna From FL
Moderator/Editor
TopShelf BigCloset
It is a long road ahead but I will finally become who I should be.
Don't see it as a failure
It is merely a pause in your work. Even the best of us get writers block or have life come crashing down on us and put us in no mood to write. I often doubt my writing ability and whether I'm just deluding myself. You have the creativity and the words inside you but sometimes you need to coax them out and brush some of the rust off. I recently went through a time where life kept me from getting any writing done but since then I did my best to hop back on the horse and get back to business. Since then I have been pumping out stories like nobody's business and it's arguably some of my best work to date.
Don't berate yourself for not doing anything, that only leads to a cycle where you won't do anything. You only fail if you stop trying. Get back on that horse, take the reigns, and give it a good kick to get going. Write something small, a fluff piece or something just to get yourself back into the groove and then the ideas and the words for other stories will come. If you insist on giving an apology for being unproductive then dig deep and find a story that says 'I'm sorry for the wait but this is well worth it'.
*hugs*
Amethyst
Don't take me too seriously. I'm just kitten around. :3