depression can be. One week, I'm totally in the dumps. Meds not working. Don't want to do anything. The next, things are rosier, and I manage to scratch out a few paragraphs. Or work on my 3D Bikini Beach model. Or other stuff. There's no pattern, and no predictability. As an engineer, I hate unpredictable things. It's weird, and quite annoying. If someone knows a way to make it all rosy, I'm all ears.
I had a persistent idea for a Christmas story - it won't go away. I don't want to write it. I really don't. It's the contest theme. I'd love to get a cute idea like the Visit from St. Nick story so many years ago, but I can't force ideas to pop into my head. So I'll probably (maybe) do a fluff piece with Natty (again). She's fun to write.
I wish I could win a very large lottery so I could tell work to screw itself and retire to a life of leisure. That would take away a lot of stress, which I'm sure would help my depression. Then again, I'd probably get bored. Sigh.
Comments
I can tell you what's helping
I can tell you what's helping for me - take your vitamins, especially vitamin B (and a b-complex. The sublingual B-12 works better if taken with a multi-B).
Drop caffine.
That's it. I need to add exercise as well.
I'll get a life when it's proven and substantiated to be better than what I'm currently experiencing.
Been there, done that.
Been all over this, done it, got the T-shirt.
Vitamins are a grand idea, but dropping caffeine sounds like hell on earth.
As far as I know, if you have it bad enough, meds can only even it out some...not take away the cycles completely.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you appreciate my tales, please consider supporting me on Patreon so that I may continue:
https://www.patreon.com/Nagrij
Interestingly enough, I'm not
Interestingly enough, I'm not an addictive personality. The worst 'caffeine withdrawal' I have ever had lasted.. two days? When I decided to drop it for caffeine free, I didn't even have a headache.
The trick is to _stay hydrated_. Caffeine is a diuretic, so if you drink a lot of soda/whatever, you have to keep putting water in to replace what comes out. Most people when they stop caffeine don't replace the fluid they were drinking _with_ caffeine with something _without_. They just stop drinking that beverage.
Exercise can help - it's hard to be extremely depressed and in very good shape. That's part of the 'healthy mind and body' latin phrase.
I'll get a life when it's proven and substantiated to be better than what I'm currently experiencing.
Caffeine's addictive?
Never knew that... as i've never had so much as a craving before.
Never understood people's psychological need for coffee... and frankly it doesnt even wake me up like everyone claims it to do. It *does* however give me a stomache ache and leaves a nasty taste in my mouth.
Then there's tea, love it, drink it a lot... but i've never noticed any 'need' to drink it. Same with cokes.
Then again i didnt have any trouble quitting smoking either... smoked for 12 years then one day decided i just didnt like it anymore (mostly i hated the loss of freedom, people crying over stuipid crap and passing laws that violated my personal freedoms, seriously who the fuk ever heard of anyone developing lung cancer just because they were exposed to smoke for 5 min? idiots) so i just didnt go to the store and get more...the end. Though i admit it was certainly habit forming as i found that i often used cigarettes as something that gave my hands an extra task. I found myself holding pencils and pens like a cig and when i got bord i found myself chewing/sucking on things.
Alcohol... humm well i've certainly had my share of experiance with alcoholics...my Father was one, but i dont think it had anything to do with "Addiction" and a whole lot to do with using it as a crutch and escaping reality. And i've spent more than my fair share of praying to the porcelain god to no ill effect (other than a massive hangover and some coyote ugly mornings)
Other illegal substances... tried em... they made me feel sick, saw no point to continue their usage... on the medical side i do admit that i like Demerol though lol that's some fun stuff... i bet if there was any drug out there that i could get addicted to it would be Demerol.
Yup, caffeine is addictive.
Yup, caffeine is addictive. Obviously, it's not debilitatingly addictive, as 100+ years of usage have proved. The main thing is that it is a diuretic, and until you've completely flushed it out of your system, you'll need to keep up the fluid intake - and that can take a few days to a week, depending on metabolism.
Keep in mind there are two different types of addictions. There's the physical addiction, and the mental addiction. The mental addiction is the 'hand to mouth' of the cigarette or cigar smoker, and the hand/object holding of the pipe smoker. (and frequently, the ritual of the filling/lighting a pipe)
The physical addiction of any substance generally lasts less than 6 weeks (the craving). The mental addiction can take -years- to get rid of (be it memory, or muscle memory)
As for the smoking? My attitude is this:
1) if you want to smoke, smoke. Just don't do it upwind of me, or at least not without asking.
2) If you're in a confined location, you're smoking upwind of me.
'five minutes' won't necessarily give you lung cancer - the problem is how many times everyone _else_ got to smoke while you (and everyone around you) were enjoying a fag. Personally? I'm allergic to tobacco (and pot, and alcohol. I'm messed up), so I've never appreciated someone lighting up in front of me and basically saying "I'm smoking, so you can too."
Rooms that people smoke in? They turn yellow, then brown. Vehicles? same thing. They also reek for ever. Public facilities? no smoking, please. Private facilities? That's their choice, but make sure they post it clearly on the door - so I know where _not_ to go.
Oh yeah - NEVER smoke around electronics, like your laptop or PC. The tar glues the ash to the components (static attracts the ash), and it's next to impossible to clean, and can cause stuff to overhead eventually. It also stinks forever if a tech takes it to work on. I"m about ready to charge additional fees to anyone who gives me a pc that reeks of smoke.
BW
I'll get a life when it's proven and substantiated to be better than what I'm currently experiencing.
The vitamins make a big difference for me
B-Complex and B-12 every day. If I miss a day I can tell it by how on edge I am.
Aw heck
I sorry that you're are having problems.
Hang in there, things will get better, they always do.
Mr. Ram
Depression is the worst thing in the world
I've noticed that my anti-depressant loses strength during this time of year. I think that it might have something to do with the lower amount of sunlight.
Has your doctor ruled out another cause for your depression or tried to increase your dosage?
I wonder if your main problem isn't just stress. When is the last time you took an actual vacation?
They have found links between
They have found links between sunlight and depression - they even have some (yes, passed trials) light treatments that involve high intensity light applied behind the knees. (Apparently it's the best place for high absorption)
So, you could spend a bit more time outside, and it'll help compensate.
I'll get a life when it's proven and substantiated to be better than what I'm currently experiencing.
Being an Electrician ...
I went over to an Electrical Supply house and bought a surface mount 4 tube light fixture that uses the T-8 Tubes. I bought bulbs with the highest Kelvin rating I could find, 6500, I think, I plug it in with a cord, and run it when I am in the room. It seems to help a lot. I paid about $100 for the whole thing. Traditional SADD lights are around $500.
Been there, done that.
Depression comes and goes, seemingly on its own schedule. When it goes away, even for a short time, you really feel good and start doing things again, and you aren't manic when that happens. Just enjoying the sense of purpose you have about things again. It sucks, it really does. Mine is controlled with, thankfully, light meds. But without them I get all teary and don't want to do much of anything. Hate that.
I don't have a panacea for your problem here, if I did I'd be very wealthy by now. We all handle things differently so I will not give advice here. I'll only say that I'm here to talk if you need it.
Maggie
80 % Dangerous
According to the Veterans Administration, I am about 80% likely to kill myself. I am not supposed to know that but when your hearing aids are FULL ON you hear lots of things. The factors are Vietnam Era Service, Recent Divorce, Recent injury resulting in loss of employment, childhood PTSD, and genetic factors, not to mention GID. I spent 4+ years in Dialectical Behavior Therapy, 3 hours a week, copious amounts of Drugs and it still takes a lot of effort to keep myself out of the danger zone. I owe my life to a couple folks here on BCTS.
Having said all that, they teach you ways to manage depression, and it is up to you to put yourself in charge of your life. I have a notebook about 1 1/2 inches thick chocked full of DBT instruction sheets. If you can not afford counseling, and can not go to the VA, then there is always the library. Look for books on Dialectical Behavior Therapy. As far as I am concerned Cognitive Therapy is a waste of time for people like me.
DBT forces the patient to get actively involved in their recovery. There is a whole list of different items that I can do when I feel the black fog setting in. I can go for a walk, volunteer at some agency, eat ice cream, take a warm bath with bubble bath, and use a dozen other strategies. You don't rely on someone else to help you feel better, you help yourself to feel better.
I am a member of the Mormon church and upon my request, they keep me really busy. I am not trying to sell Mormonism to you, but I think you could find many different organizations to keep you busy. I am working on my Autobiography for the church and it will be 200 pages, I think. However too much of that will put me in a dangerous hole, really fast, so I have to be careful.
I hope this will help. I know that the drugs just did not do it for me, and in fact, they just made my depression worse.
Gwendolyn
Staying busy is okay, but...
I found that keeping my mind busy worked against the sadness and feeling like I wanted to cry. The problem is when I relaxed, it all came back with a vengeance. I still get that happening, but only once in a while. I'm one of the lucky ones who is able to get by with a light dose on anti-depressant.
I feel ya, I'm the same
I feel ya, I'm the same way.
I go awhile being fine, the anti-depressants seeming to work and then I'll just go off the rails into a deep suicidal depression. It's been going on like this since I was a teenager.
Luckily I have an new therapist who is really good, as in she cares if I live or die, unlike some dr. I have had in the past. She had me keep a log of my moods, when I was depressed and how bad it was, and after that is when I found out how cyclic my depression really is! I've been keeping the log for the last 5 months and I have found that on average I am depressed for 3 to 4 days every month, (please withhold the jokes about man-periods they aren't that funny :P ) I did a quick look through with google about cyclic depressions and found that what I'm experiencing doesn't really match what DMS-5 considers major depression, which, if I was reading it right, is being depressed for 2 or more weeks that may repeat several times a year. So I applied more google-fu and I found this . That the web page talks about is how there might be a kind of bipolar that doesn't have a manic stage, or the manic stage is very slight, so what you end up with is cycles of depression. It goes over some of the signs that might indicate this, like anti-depressants not really working or stop working after a while, it started before age 20, you have someone you your family who might have be/is bipolar, a few other 'soft' signs.
I haven't talked to my therapist about this yet, since I haven't seen her since looking this up, but the fact that she prescribed me mood stabilizers last time I was there might mean she suspects this already but doesn't want to come out and say I might be bipolar, since that tends to upset people, but tell you the truth I don't care as long as I can get some help with it, otherwise I know it's going to kill me one of these days.
So have you ever kept a log of your depression before? I know before I started I thought it was all random. Even if your depression is random keeping a log will give you some date to work with. and does your depression seem to be triggered by something or just it just seem to come out of no where? I know with me I spent a lot of time trying to find what emotional problem I was having that was triggering all this, but I have come to learn that my depression is completely out of my control, nothing I do will bring it on (Well, I can still get depressed form other things, but I have started to get a sense of when it's a natural, event driven depression and when it's the other kind) or make it go away, it's all chemicals in the brain.
Oh, and when you win that lottery, kick some money over my way, I could do with being bored for a while. when the boredom gets to be too much I'll send back what's left of the lottery money to you. :P
Edit: Oh, and can you let me know if any of what I have said might match with your problem? When I first read your post I was like, 'that's me!' So I would be interest to know if I was any help.
Have you cross referenced
Have you cross referenced those depressive periods against the lunar calendar? I know it sounds silly, but you could be a bit more sensitive to that kind of effect. If so, it would give you a handle on what to expect when, and make planning ahead easier.
I'll get a life when it's proven and substantiated to be better than what I'm currently experiencing.
Dear Elrod,
I liked what Landing had to say about the masked bipolar and keeping a log.
In er linked article, I disagree about "Prozac poop-out". Antidepressants working for a while then failing to be effective might be an indication of some bipolar aspect to a depression, but I've been on antidepressants for 36 years. All the ssri's and ssnri's that I've tried work for a while, many months or years, but all eventually "stop working". Various psychiatrists have told me this is very common. One said an accepted procedure is to have 3 ssri's that work on a patient and to rotate them. I haven't tried that many meds over and over again, but for those with the least annoying side effects, I can stop taking one when it works poorly then start taking it again after maybe 10+ months on something else and it works again, for a while. I've never read an explanation for this phenomena, but I haven't researched it much. My guess is that detoxification enzymes in the liver build up until the drug is removed too quickly to get much of it into the brain. When that drug is not taken for some time, I guess, the enzyme(s) return to some base level. I really have no specific reason for guessing that.
I've got an inherited/genetic form of major depression, SAD/winter depression (yes, even in AZ, but it's shorter and less severe than it would be further North) and some phobias. If my depression is genetic, that means I have one (or more) gene(s) with some mutation or deletion in the DNA. I read of a defective gene -> defective protein that transports seratonin. The normal form is a very long molecule and the defective form is somewhat shorter. I suppose I have some such defective neurotransmitter handling protein. Probably this protein works partially (or I'd be much worse off), but not as well as the normal version(s).
Anyway, I found it useful, in the past, to do a daily log of how depressed I felt along with anything else that might effect my mood, like medications, supplements, exercise (time, intensity, mood during and after, etc.), foods, interaction with others, problems, disappointments, etc. If one includes enough factors and covers enough time, the log might show some correlation between a factor (+ or -) and mood changes. The conclusion of my log of 3 or 4 months (which didn't include late fall or winter) was that the only consistent effect on my mood was my antidepressant meds.
El, I don't know your age, work history , expenses, etc., but if you have enough years of fairly good social security wages, you might get a livable income by getting on social security disability. That's what I've been doing for the last 20 years.
Hugs and Bright Blessings,
Renee
I can never say I understand
I can never say I understand the torment you go through since my depression or anxiety is very, very minor, but I do wish all the best for you and your family.
bored
I can't relate really... my depression is 100% full on all the time. I remember when I 'came out' it felt like a 100 ton weight was lifted off me... life was a grand adventure waiting to happen. My heart was free to live and love.... then I got crushed both financially and emotionally. People took great pleasure in ruining my life. Funny how carrying this different weight around...one you can openly share with everyone without fear of being labelled as 'queer' in some form or another... is actually harder to carry than GIS.
Yeah I could get bored having lotto millions too... but it would probably take 15 million worth before I ran out of steam :-)
Dayna.
There are a number of things
There are a number of things you can do to help with depression, if you Google it you can get about a gillion different ideas. The major ones that I think are effective are:
1. exercise - It sucks, but it really works. It releases some chemical or other in the brain and makes you feel good. I've read that as little as seven minutes of good activity can have some effect. (Let the record note that while I think this is effective, I myself don't really do it. Yeah, I'm a hypocrite, still the advice is good.)
2. get plenty of sleep - (this is one of the few things listed here that I actually do do...most of the time at least.)
3. get plenty of sunlight and fresh air - I've done this a few times. When it is nice out side, which is maybe two or three days out of the year, I will go outside and write some on a laptop. I have noticed that when I do this I feel pretty good that day. (of course the window blinds to my bedroom hasn't been opened in about ten years, so again, hypocrite.)
4. Engage with people in a positive way - (Nope, I don't do this either, but I'm pretty sure it is helpful. Humans are supposed to be social animals and I'm sure evolution has worked it so you feel better when you are with a 'tribe' and getting along with them, and feel worse when you're a loner. Evolution tends to be a bitch like that.
5. Fight against having negative thoughts and work on having positive thoughts about yourself - On the surface this sounds silly as hell, some kind of new age mombo jombo, but in truth I have found it too work. Of course I had to be pretty much forced to do it, and if I hadn't had a councilor making me tell him three positive things about myself two times a week, I probably never would have. It also helps that that same councilor drove in that I have good qualities with a sledge hammer every time he got the chance. Eventually, while you might not really have believed it at first, it starts kind of trickling into they back of your brain. It's kind of like the Big Lie if you tell it loud enough and often enough, you start to believe it. As for negative thoughts, my psychiatrist seems to have found the right medication that has mostly stopped that for me, or at least it stopped at the same time I started on this new medication that she said might help with that.