I tried my hand at a little erotica and transformation story, but I don't think my writing ability in that area was able to pull it off. I like the concept of Orgasmicur and was wondering if someone would like to attempt fixing it. I never saw a person transform while masturbating in a story, but it intrigues me.
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Comments
I thought it was fun
The question is does he screw up enough (deliberately) to make the change permanent?
Portia
I liked it, Katie
It was neat, and interesting.
concept good - execution bad
I think I had the right idea on the concept, I just feel that it could've been better. I am a writer who excels at emotional and dialog. I can make really believable characters. Somehow, I don't do smut very well. Maybe its my own lack of knowledge in the area. I believe things went well until I described the masturbation and then things took a turn for the worst. There should've been more, yet I don't know exactly what. Also, with all the buildup to the event, it is a shame it ended where it did, but I never intended to go past where I went. I simply wanted a little story about the transformation and maybe introduce a new product to the literary market. Hopefully someone takes me up on the request.
Katie Leone (Katie-Leone.com)
Writing is what you do when you put pen to paper, being an author is what you do when you bring words to life
Epic Fai;
You can answer where the mother obtained the Orgasmicur ;Possibly SRU Wizard] and involve him by helping the boy and mother.
May Your Light Forever Shine
Actually a good idea. I think
Actually a good idea. I think if it'S from the SRU wizard it'll backfire really hard for the mother. He seems to have a problem with people who want to transform others for their own benefit.
I can actually see her ending up as the daddy of the family. The boy is a bit over-sexed, but I doubt becoming female is the solution. At worst he'd just end up as a sex-crazed bimbo instead of a master-masurbator :D
Little Katie: I really liked the beginning of the story, but the end really had the described problems. Maybe you should read some stories of Wholeman. He's pretty good at writing transformation and sex scenes. I think his Pea Pod stories had a similar transformation as the one you used. On the other hand it seems to waste a very good beginning of a story for a short self gratification scene. The story really has potential for further chapters.
Thank you for writing,
Beyogi
The curse of being me
Thinking about it, I would have to agree. It really isn't in my style to leave something at a point like this. I could see me leaving it where the mother goes out to buy the permanent version of Orgasmicur, but only after much begging by Reuben.
Where I left the story really didn't resolve the issue at hand (the boy stealing his sisters panties, masturbating in them, and the [most likely unknown to his family] the incestuous fantasies involving his sister.) The main problem is outside of the transformation, I really don't have anything in my little pea pod brain to go along with it. I also have several other stories in my head and one I think I need to write before it kills me.
Here is a sneak preview of what is in my head and why I may abandon this little gemette to anyone who wants to take it further.
1) The Wishing Blanket II - The one that I love (Air Supply). Yes, I have a wishing blanket story based on the air supply song. Every time I hear the damn song I start crying and then I think of the story I want to right and I start crying more.
2) The Gynecomastia Gambit - About a middle school boy who takes an odd approach dealing with his condition
3) BoiBGon - Similar to Orgasmicur, but involves soap and no sex
4) How I found love through A transsexual and a Dildo - my try at romance.
Katie Leone (Katie-Leone.com)
Writing is what you do when you put pen to paper, being an author is what you do when you bring words to life