Seeing as I act as agent of sorts for Koz's stories, we put together a Q&A about the story he just had me post, The Ghost of the Summer of 85'.

Q: Koz, what can you tell us about your story 'The Ghost of the Summer of 85'

A: It was one of the earliest FTM crossdressing stories I ever wrote. I was still in a mode of trying, rather unsuccessfully, to write your bog standard crossdressing story about guys in panties, bras, and dresses. Nothing ever seemed to work, so I started writing FTM fiction which brought one of my greatest fantasies to life.

Q: But Ghost is has a lot of MTF elements in it.

A: Yes, because as I began to fall in love with some of the girls in my FTM crossdressing stories, I began to long for my first true love.

Q: You fell in love with your characters?

A: My characters were a creation of who I wanted in my life as my life partner, and are created out of an amalgam of myself as a person and the things that turn me on.

Q: So you are the characters?

A: In this story, yes. At least I am the character of Tony. The story is true but it never really happened. Jeannie really did exist, she was my first true love. In some stories I am very much the male character, in others the female character is me as if I was a girl. In Ghost though, I am Tony.

Q: Is Ghost autobiographical?

A: No. But it borrows heavily from real life places and events.

Q: Jeannie, crossdressed as a guy for you?

A: Nope. That never happened.

Q: Ah, so then you got to crossdress for her.

A: Not exactly. Therein is a subtlety.

Q: If you didn't crossdress for her and she didn't crossdress for you, teh how can the story be true?

A: I need to explain the depth of the love I had for. She was the first woman that I fallen total arse over tit for. And she was also the woman with whom I first had sex, lost my virginity as it where. I wanted so much to tell about my crossdressing, but couldn't. I had been crossdressing since 13, and here I was at age 27, unable to tell anyone. I knew however that if sex was this much fun, then combined with my crossdressing it would absolutely exquisite.

Q: How does that all tie into the story?

A: I began working toward telling her. We started going to concerts, such as Culture Club and the Psychedelic Furs. I suggested that she do my makeup. This was very much in line with a lot of our favourite singers and groups. Needless to say, the after concert fun was the best yet. I began wearing leg warmers like girls did when it was cold. I started wearing cotton panties that resembled men's no-fly bikini undies. Part of this was in the hope that she might notice and that I could get her into the guy's version. That's when it all came tumbling down. The relationship crashed and burned.

Q: Was this because of crossdressing?

A: No, not directly. I lost my job and was on unemployment. This put an enormous stress on us. Her older sisters made a comment that there was something 'weird' about me, basically that because I wasn't a beer guzzling football loving creep, I was a wimp. This coupled with me being out work, eventually ended up with breaking off our engagement and her returning the diamond ring I had given her.

Q: None of this is in the story.

A: Correct. It took years for me to get over this. I'm a very sensitive person, so it lead to alcohol abuse and severe depression. Writing the story the way I wanted it to go was my attempt at re-writing history.

Q: What is true in the story?

A: My car, The Blue Frog is true. Jeannie's friend Terri who did want me to crossdress is true. She made a comment one time about how she'd love to see me in a garter belt and heels. That went over like a lead balloon with Jeannie. All the music is true. Also, we did date in 1985. The song by The Psychedelic Furs was one of 'our' songs.

Q: Did writing it help?

A: Enormously. It lead me to write The Amy Series, and then create my world out of the ashes of the old one with Jeannie. And that is why I am now married to a woman who said, I want to be the girl in the stories, for you. For that I am eternally grateful, and to Jeannie, I say, sorry sweetheart, but you missed out big time.

If you have any other questions for Koz, I'll be glad to pass them along to him.