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Had a rough night, filled with memories of humiliation and despair. The worst thing about those moments is the sense of arousal that often accompanies them. There is some part of me that has learned to enjoy the idea of being used and degraded. I wonder if I'll ever be truly free of it ....
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We all have 'demons' we wrestle with...
... the trick is to recognize that we live in the here and now; you are not living in the past. And you already know this, but a occasionally confrontational counselor would help tremendously; an objective voice with a face to match who will help you keep things in perspective. Remind you that you are no where near as bad a person as you feel at times, and much better at life than you possibly can imagine. We can help here, but the smile and the nod and the "Yes, I understand; that must be difficult" that goes along a relationship will help you see the freedom that will inevitably come.
Dio vi benedica tutti
Con grande amore e di affetto
Andrea Lena
Love, Andrea Lena